Another Reason to visit Vegas… Bocce Bellas

Need some ball help?
Need some ball help?

By: Gene Yuss
With summer around the corner there is only one thing that should be on your mind – bocce.

The great game of bocce is one that buy cialis 20mg I grew up buy cialis 10mg as a child playing.  It to this very day is something that my family plays on the beaches of Wildwood and the alleys of Conshohocken.  BBQ, beach or backyard – it is the original, and consequently greatest, tailgating game (sorry baggo, washers, redneck golf, etc.).  If you aren’t familiar with the game, do yourself a favor and try bocce.

Here’s a history lesson on bocce and some other fun facts…

 

Throwing balls toward a target is the oldest game known to mankind. As early as 5000 B.C. the Egyptians played a form of bocce with polished rocks. Graphic representations of figures tossing a ball or polished stone have been recorded as early as 5200 B.C. While bocce today looks quite different from its early predecessors, the unbroken thread of bocce’s lineage is the consistently common objective of trying to come as close to a fixed target as possible. The Romans learned the game from the Greeks, and then introduced it throughout the Empire. The Roman influence in bocce is preserved in the game’s name; bocce is the plural of the Italian word boccia, which means “bowl”).

 

The early Romans were among the first to play a game resembling what we know as bocce today. In early times they used coconuts brought back from Africa and later used hard olive wood to carve out bocce balls. Beginning with Emperor Augustus, bocce became the sport of statesman and rulers. From the early Greek physician Ipocrates to the great Italian Renaissance man Galileo, the early participants of bocce have noted that the game’s athleticism and spirit of competition rejuvenates the body.

 

My father is a fastidious Catholic, and while I share his faith, I do like to take the occasional jab at the Church to remind him that blind faith is as dangerous as mesh condoms…Writers side-note: During the 15th century bocce was condemned by the Catholic Church, which deterred the laity and officially prohibited clergyman from playing the game by proclaiming bocce a means of gambling.

 

And I’m proud to be an American… The earliest record of a bocce court in America can be found at the southern tip of Manhattan.  Those of you in NYC that brave the 4/5 to work everyone morning would be more acquainted with the name “Bowling Green”.  The first President to have a bocce court was George Washington – the court was built at Mount Vernon in the 1780s.

 

As if you needed another reason to go to Vegas… Caesars Palace has a summertime lunch-and-booze service at its Italian restaurant, Rao’s. But rather than just have grilled food outside, the place is stepping it up with bocce courts and some Bocce Bellas (pictured above), ostensibly hanging out to help you with your game.

 

The 5 Worst College Social Scenes in the Philadelphia area: #5

By: F.X. Galvin

#5 Villanova – Yea this place sucks

This lame university is commonly known as Vill-A-No-Fun. Seriously, this place has to be the most overrated school in the area. It has approximately 8,000 undergraduate and graduate students and has no luck at throwing a decent party. This school has no on-campus social life. None. Students leave this terrible campus for all other local schools or go to the bar.

Yes, the bar scene is half decent, it is the Main Line, but it is not comparable to Center City and Old City. You can only get so much enjoyment from Brownie’s 23 East, Wild Onion (or whatever it is called this week,) and ever other corner shithole on the Main Line. Also, basically none of the abovementioned watering holes are really in walking distance unless you have an off-campus house by one of these bars. So you have to risk a D.U.I. to get a load on because if you stay on campus you will get written up and if you go to a house party it will probably get busted by the lame ass Lower Merion police. It is a no win situation. Also, if you are underage, you take your perfect criminal record in your own hands by going to the bars but L.C.B. constantly raids the little shitty corner bars. Your rich ass will be raking leaves in even richer neighborhoods on Saturday mornings while other rich pricks drive by, and look at you like you just stole their 16 year old daughter’s V-card.

Next, the girls are hot right? Yea but they are pretentious bitches that only care about the size of your wallet, well essentially your father’s wallet. I did bang one Nova slut while in college but I sadly have to admit she was beat up in her face and downstairs. One of those hoagie and a hallway experiences that almost every man has unfortunately participated in. The pretentious attitude continues with the guys, which makes you want the pound the face in of every asshole dressed up in two polos with the collars flipped or rocking a blazer over a t-shirt at Brownie’s. Seriously you all should kill yourself, you losers. You have no standing to act this way. Villanova is an overrated bullshit school. Its not Penn, your not Ivy league, so why do so many of you crave to act that way? You are really not even to close to an Ivy school so knock off your pretentious attitudes.

There is a debate on how other schools in the Philly area are worse than Nova. Really, I disagree and again its my list, fuck you. I have been on the Nova campus plenty of times and it has never been fun. Seriously, look what these assholes do for fun. . . Let’s drive down to the Linc in Chet’s parents BMW with Chadwick, Bradford, and Carlton. When we get there, we should break in the stadium and steal a chair and a beer sign. You morons, you crave the attention of being smart but you do the dumbest possible thing ever. You try to break in a stadium that is littered with security cameras to steal a chair. You could have just asked “Daddy Warbucks” to extort the Eagles for a chair and a beer sign. That is the conclusion on why this school is so lame. When you have to drive 30 minutes to steal a chair to have a good time, it is time to contemplate a transfer.

The Sham Wow dude

shamwowBy: Billy Beerslugger

So I’m pretty sure you’ve seen the commercials for the Sham Wow.  It seems to be a pretty amazing product.  It holds a whole bunch of liquid, supposedly doesn’t drip and is generally way better than paper towels.

Well, late last month The Sham Wow spokesperson was arrested on a felony battery charge in South Beach during an altercation with an alleged hooker in his hotel room.  Vince Shlomi told police he had paid the hooker $1,000 for straight sex after she propositioned him.

Allegedly when Vince kissed the prostitute, she bit his tongue and would not let go.  At this time  Shlomi began punching the hooker who eventually released the tongue.  The hooker apparently received facial fractures and lacerations.

Man, how pissed are the people at ShamWow about this?  Your spokesperson gets arrested for not only getting a prostitute but also beating the shit out of her.  And what about him kissing the prostitute?  I’m no hooker aficionado but I’m thinking it’s a big no-no to mouth kiss a person in the sex trade.  She probably just had some other dudes dick in her mouth.

Further, for the amount of money ($1,000), he spent on the hooker, I’m thinking he could have easily at least got some decent tail at a South Beach bar.    I don’t care how ugly the guy is, he’s the ShamWow dude, he’s got money, get bottle service somewhere, invite some pretty girls over and keep the drinks flowing and some chick would bang the guy. If nothing for just to tell your friends the story about, “I banged the ShamWow dude”.  He must be just plain lazy.

I’ve got some stories about South Beach, but that’s for a later time.

Why I Hate Sleeveless Turtlenecks?

By: F.X. Galvin

Seriously, girls are you hot or cold? That is the question. I figured with spring approaching I would write about this new style that seemed to spread last fall, the sleeveless turtleneck. Honestly this is the dumbest and ugliest style turtleneck yet. It is worse than the mock turtle, the nurtle, the roll over sweater turtle, as well as the traditional turtleneck.

First, this style is just illogical. The original point of turtlenecks was to keep you warm in cold winter months. Now that I think about it, the point of all the various styles of turtlenecks is to provide a warm and comfortable shirt or sweater. The sleeveless turtle does not provide the basic concept of a turtleneck, it can not be warm. It provides you with a mock turtleneck which is fine, but it fails to have sleeves. Now, you can’t possibly be warm. Basically, your neck will be warm but you will have goose bumps bulging out of your arm where your triceps should be. (come on let’s be honest girls you don’t have a triceps). Really, I will give $5 to any chick who wears one of these to buy sleeves to get you warm, they are terrible.

We now know the point of sleeveless turtlenecks is not to keep you warm so what is it? They are trendy, cool, fashionable, basically they are in. Yea right, these shirts are lame. When I see a girl rock one of these, all I see is a wife-beater with a mock turtle. I see my white trash neighbor breaking brick crushing a bud pounder five minutes after whipping his wife with a broomstick…. But his neck is covered. Let’s also be practical here, they do nothing to enhance your looks or catch the eye of the opposite sex in a positive way. But, let’s face it, the goal here is to look good because if the sleeveless turtle was built for straight comfortability, and you wanted to project the image of “fuck you I have a boyfriend,” you would wear a regular, form-fitting turtleneck. These shirts are plain out ugly and do nothing for you.

I will break it down clearer for you…. A turtleneck covers your neck. It also covers your upper torso and cleavage area. These are areas that can be flattering for a girl and should be exposed if you are trying to make a fashion statement or pick up a guy. The mock turtle, it only exposes your arms. Ask any guy, not one of them notices a girl and says she has nice arms. Nice smile…yes, nice eyes…. yes, nice legs… yes, nice tits and ass… of course. I guarantee you no guy will ever say that a girl has real sexy arms outside of some freak with a crazy fetish that also gets a kick out of golden shower. Even if you go to the gym, cut arms really are not that sexy. No guy wants their girl to have better guns than he does.

Now let’s talk about the problems that may arise from showing off the arms and covering the neck/cleavage area. If you are a gymrat, you may scare off the guy because you have better arms than him (see above). Worse, you may have irregularly big arms that will detract a guy every time. If you have gross, beefy arms, it will send a guy running for the hills faster than a Barry Bonds steroid laden homer leaving the ball park. Finally, you might have a nice rack and are hiding your best asset. Seriously, if you are dressing to impress, let those puppies breathe.

To conclude this fashion police rant, do not wear a sleeveless turtle. If you have a girlfriend who has a sleeveless turtle, do not tell her yourself not to wear one, direct her to this article and allow her to write me a scathing comment. (At least she will no longer look like Mr. T with a covered neck and without gold chains.) If you have a little sister who dresses scandalously, recommend the mock turtle, it may keep her pants on an extra two weeks. Seriously though, I do not know which Hollywood scussbucket started this trend but it needs to die immediately. Unless you are attempting to hide a massive hickey stemming from making out under fireworks July 4th weekend in Wildwood, NJ, bag the sleeveless turtle.

3rd Grade Grammar Lesson

By: Billy Beerslugger

You’re Vs. Your:

Your: Your is a second person possessive adjective.  Used in a sentence, “It’s not cheating cause’ it’s your dog”.

You’re: You’re is the contraction made from You and Are.  It’s easy enough to understand. Used in a sentence, “You’re a complete whore.”  Notice you can also say “You are a complete whore.”.

Their vs They’re vs There:

Their: Is third person possessive adjective. “Of or relating to them or themselves especially as possessors, agents, or objects of an action.”  Used in a sentence, ” Bob and Jim are great drinking buddies.   I really enjoy their company. ”

They’re: They’re is the contraction between They and Are.  It’s easy enough to understand.  “Anna has great tit’s.  They’re amazing.”

There: Is an Adverb and deals with a place whether concrete or abstract.  Used in a sentence(s) “Your penis is not going in there.  My ass is exit only.”.

For your own edification please learn the proper use of these words.  Their pretty important.  I know you crazy kids and you’re crazy text messages throw grammar out the window, but if your writing an email or blog post make sure your cognizant of which one of these homophone’s your supposed to use.


Things I’ve noticed

young money, dipset, thats what this is and if i aint good lookin you can bet my bitch is
"...if i aint good lookin you can bet my bitch is."

By: Billy Beerslugger

It was revealed that the opening number on American Idol where all remaining contestants sing and dance to choreography is in fact lip-synced.  Apparently they do sing when they are up there singularly though.  That’s a big fuck you to whoever told me they don’t lip-sync on that show.  It’s up there with Lawrence Welk and American Bandstand now.  Who wants to watch these nobody’s sing anyway?  You want a singer you go out and get Celine Dion, that woman crushes it.

In the past couple weeks i’ve seen Lil Wayne and Bob Wow on ESPN talking about sports.  Now I’m not sure who’s idea this is but what exactly does some dude that drink’s codine cough syrup concoctions and the artist formerly know as Lil’ Bow Wow have to do with me getting my sports news.  I care about their opinions about as much as I care about who wins American idol.  If these guys are any indication of the type of credentials needed to appear on ESPN, Screech Powers from Saved By The Bell should be allowed to go on.  Steve Urkel too.

Recently i tried Pantene Pro V shampoo because there was no other shampoo available.  I’ll tell you what I don’t feel like less of a man. I just feel like a man with really soft and manageble hair.

American Commerce Building – 18th and Arch

An arttist rendering of American Commerce Center
An artist rendering of American Commerce Center

By: Billy Beerslugger

Sitting currently at 18th and Arch is a parking lot.  I know because I’ve thrown up there.  Some people have pretty big plans for this parking lot.  Developers have proposed a skyscaper which would be the 3rd tallest building in the United States according to their website.

The American Commerce Building would be 1,500ft high toping the Comcast Building by about 500ft. It will boast a restaurant, 26-story hotel,  three to six stories of street-accessible retail, two roof gardens and a 63-story office tower.  The observation deck would be the tallest in the city and probably where Police Commissioner Gordon will put the Bat Signal.

On Decemer 11th 2008 city council approved zoning changes that will allow the developers to start construction as early as Spring of this year.

simcity

I ‘m Mc’Lovin all the huge ass buildings going up all over the city. Reminds of Sim City 2000 when all your commercial zones start popping up skyscrapers all over the place and the city is officially major.

If Philadelphia was a playable scenario in Sim City 2000, what would your first move be?

Check out the Image Gallery on their website, the place looks pretty awesome.

St Patty’s Day Fiasco

shamrock_logoSo I got pretty wasted last night again.  My two buds and I barhopped for 8 or so hours yesterday.  Spent some time in Tir Na Nog and the 90% to 10% Cock to Girl ratio and no room to breathe.  Eventually we settled somewhere on south st. (Paddy Whacks) around 11pm for the long haul to 2am.

Things got a little out of hand when we befriended a group of girls and made the first floor bar the dance floor.  Shots were being thrown around like it was some sort of contest.  My friend and one of the girls had an irish jig danceoff.  I had no idea he could do the irish jig up until then.  I asked him where he learned it and he said it was an elective in college. Go figure.

Anyway the ugly lights came on and hijinks came to an abrupt end.  There was a brief notion of driving to AC with these girls but that was decided against somehow.

We get back to my buddies place and everyone needs to eat so we raid the fridge.  Ellio’s pizza, Pizza Bagel bites and Nacho’s were on the menu (no wonder it looks like I’m pregnant).  So I put the first slice of Ellio’s in the toaster oven but it took awhile.  So my friend takes the remaining two slices puts them on a baking dish and places them into the oven, apparently also sprinking some more shredded cheese on top.

So we’re eating the first Ellio’s slice and after about 8 or so minutes my other friend and I check on the oven while the guy who put the slices in there was checking on his dog.  My friend and I notice that the pizza slices look a little odd, a little more white than usual as if there was no sauce on the pizza.  Upon taking the slices out of the oven we realized that my friend had placed the Ellio’s cheese and sauce side down and then put extra cheese on the top (which was actually the bottom).  I’ll admit I ate a small piece of it because I was so drunk I didn’t care but how the hell do you mistake the bottom of an ellios slice for the top?  Freaking Amateur!

Oh yea and Temple won the A-10 tourney again. Of course they completely sucked ass while I was there.

Apparently I’m a Hipster…

So I’m writing this post from a coffee shop near the Art Museum area.  I don’t drink coffee but i got a Cappuchino ($3.50) out of obligation (when in rome…).

Anyway there’s an old lady in here clipping coupons, there’s a lesbian across the way from me.  A gay dude just walked out (great fake tan).  There’s a hipster girl behind the counter who I’m guessing is some sort of “artist”.  Couple other dudes are reading newspapers.  Two girls with Uggs walked in and got frappuchinos.  Definitely some ambient music playing with inaudible words that makes me confused and relaxed at the same time.

I’m not here by choice, I’m meeting a client here, but it’s good to see how these people rock it.  Kind of just hang out in the coffee shop, wait for something cool to happen. Read about the news so they have something to talk about with their other hipster firends.

Look at me I’m cool too.  I’m in a coffee shop, blogging.  I’ve come a long way from playing with legos and G.I Joe.  I guess now I have to get a cool haircut like someone in Fall Out Boy.  Yea… that’s the ticket…  yea.

The Fake Orgasm – Men do it too!

Women I am guessing have been faking Orgasms since the beginning of time or at least the beginning of the Male Ego.  You may be reading this right now and saying, “No way my girlfriend/wife has faked an orgasm with me.”  Well sir, you are not only wrong but you also have a communication gap in your relationship.

Anyway, this article is not about women faking orgasm’s, it’s about men faking orgasms.  I think most women would agree that it’s pretty disappointing when, while having sex with their partner, the man reaches climax too early.  As a men, one of our biggest fears is coming too soon.  Nobody wants to be labeled a pre-mature ejaculator.  It hurts the ego and your street cred.  Girls do talk about this stuff and you would probably be the last to know if you hadn’t already gathered that she was less than enthused by your performance.

Getting to the point, there are various things men do to prolong their experience.  One of the more glaring one’s is using a condom (which you should be doing anyway in about 99.9% of cases).  Putting the love glove on definitely decreases sensitivity but is not an all encompassing solution.  I’ve seen some over the counter gel desensitizers at CVS and Rite Aid, I guess that’s another way to get a longer bang out of your wang.  Stuff  is akin to Novacane for your penis while still allowing it to be erect.

Beerslugger.com endorses what we think is the most most effective way of lasting longer, which  is just getting stinking drunk.  It’s a fine line though.  You don’t want to get so drunk that you can’t get it up.  That’s categorically worse than being a premature ejaculator.  You essentially want to be drunk enough to get it up and keep it up without having to worry about coming.  Like I said it’s a fine line but once you gauge your alcohol tolerance you should know your limits.

It is at this point you can bang at will for as long as your stamina will allow and preferably until after she comes (plural) or at least fakes her orgasm.  At some point though, you will either want to:

a) Come

b) Pretend you came because you can’t come or are too tired

c) Just stop altogether because you can’t come or are too tired

Pretending to come would essentially be mimicking your own body movements and audible tendencies without an actual release.  It makes  no sense to just stop (without faking it) because the girl will obviously ask what is wrong, then probably in some way blame herself or you.  Try to make that first time special by allowing her to assume everything at least went well on you’re end.

This is obviously a situation in which you just start seeing a girl and wish her to be impressed by your sexual prowess because you want to keep her around for more than one night.  First impressions are important and first sexual encounters are just as important.  Sometimes you may need to sacrifice some instant gratification (coming) for more long term success.

Of course if you’re not really interested in seeing the girl again you could probably get equally as drunk and come whenever you want but that’s not in the scope of this article.