Elizabeth Shue vs. Lea Thompson

By: Billy BeerSlugger

Elisabeth Shuelea_thompson

Just as we did with Omar Epps vs. Mekhi Phifer we now bring you the 80’s, female, Caucasian version of this conspiracy, Elizabeth Shue vs. Lea Thompson. This investigation was sparked by drunken conversation by myself and co-workers at a conference in Pensacola beach Fl.

It started out as a sort of trivia game, was it Lea Thompson or Elizabeth Shue in Adventures in Babysitting? Which one played in Howard the Duck or the movie Space Camp? Who had a starring role in Cocktail with Tom Cruise? Who was the lead in Hollow Man? Who was in Karate Kid and who was in Back to the Future?

The only things that were constants for me were that I knew it was Lea Thompson in the 1990’s situation comedy Caroline in the City and that Elizabeth Shue plays a hooker and gets naked with a drunken Nick Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. Other than those two pieces of data one can’t be really too sure of who was in what.

Then there was this shocker, both Elizabeth Shue and Lea Thompson are in Back to the Future: Part II. What a mindfreak that is. Who plays what character is still a mystery to me and I’m still not sure if they are even different people. Compound that with the fact that they both played in 80’s Burger King commercials and one even starred Thompson, Shue and a very young Sarah Michelle Gellar. Holy Hot Dogs Batman, shit just got real.

To me  Elizabeth Shue is clearly the better looking of the two but what if Lea Thompson was just a slightly less good looking clone of Elizabeth Shue? What if Elizabeth Shue is Lea Thompson on days when her makeup is flawless? I don’t have all the answers but try the Elizabeth Shue vs. Lea Thompson trivia game when drinking sometime, especially in lieu or talking about work.

Vitamin Water = Sugar Water?

By: Billy BeerSlugger

While I’m on the subject of beverages, I just wanted to point some things out about Vitamin Water. For a beverage that is supposed to be really healthy it sure has a lot of calories. About 125 per 20 oz bottle. You would think from the name that it would basically be just Water and Vitamins, maybe with a little fruit flavor mixed in. Not really the case here.

vitamin water

Now would you be surprised if I told you that Vitamin Water is owned by the Coca-Cola Company? Nope not some health centered company or a bunch of doctors that got together to make healthy drinks but the same company that puts out Coke. A little weird huh?

Now it’s great that they pack about 3 cents worth of Vitamins into their drink, mix in a little Crystalline Fructose and sell it for $1.50 or more but a vast majority of the country thinks this beverage is really good for them. There’s as more calories in this 20 oz bottle of Vitamin Water as there is in a 12oz bottle of Coke or Pepsi. Seems a little illogical. For people that are trying to lose weight and grab a Vitamin Water with their lunch it really isn’t doing them any favors. Even though the Mad Men at Coke would lead you to believe so.

I’m almost certain that you could drop a Flintstones vitamin in a glass of water, let it dissolve and it would be more healthy for you than Vitamin Water.

Crystalline Fructose

Crystalline_FructoseBy: Billy BeerSlugger

I’m a person who usually looks at the health information on the back of a package or drink to see what I’m putting into my body. Increasingly and especially in so called “health drinks” I have seen “Crystaline Fructose” as a sweetener. Inquisitive as I am I had to look this healthy stuff up that has been replacing sugar and High Fructose Corn Syrup in some of the drinks I see.

Well essentially Crystalline Fructose is just crystallized Corn Syrup which is pretty much the same stuff that’s in High Fructose Corn Syrup and that is the same stuff that’s in soda like Coke and Pepsi.  So Crystalline Fructose is about 5% sweeter than High Fructose Corn Syrup and 20% sweeter than Sugar which allows beverage companies to add less of it to their drinks and thus cut about 20-30 calories per 12 oz. beverage. The marketing behind the beverages can employ a “healthier” or “reduced calorie” tag-line because ultimately the calories have been reduced and there is no High Fructose Corn Syrup in the beverage even though Crystalline Fructose is made from Corn Syrup.

I’m inclined to drink a beverage with Crystalline Fructose in it over artificial sweeteners like Aspartame and the like found in Diet Sodas. However, I really don’t think there’s a good substitute for regular sugar for sweetened beverages and drinking them in moderation. I don’t trust these companies/corporations who’s main goal is to increase their profits. That’s why I was glad to see Snapple go to real sugar in it’s beverages, at least you know what you are getting into.

One “health” drink I rather like is Arizona Rescue Water and it uses Crystalline Fructose to make a 20 oz beverage about 75 calories and packs in a bunch of stuff like Alpha Lipoic Acid, green tea extract, milk thistle extract, and L-Glutathione and various vitamins. It generally makes me feel slightly better after I drink it and doesn’t have a sugary taste.  Of course water is your best option in terms of watching calories but there are at least some better options than soda and processed fruit juice which generally still employ High Fructose Corn Syrup as the main sweetener.

Overall I wouldn’t be surprised down the line to hear that Crystalline Fructose is bad for you. There are even concern right now as to the effects of Crystalline Fructose and hepatoxicity and it’s effects on the liver even though the FDA considers it safe. Seeing how Crystalline Fructose still comes from Corn Syrup I am on the fence as to embracing it because I am an opponent of High Fructose Corn Syrup. Making Corn Syrup sweeter to reduce calories isn’t really a solution to a problem but I’ll try and consume it in moderation until more data comes out on it. Maybe you should too.

Google Contacts

google-bbBy: Billy BeerSlugger

Now I’m all about Google Services and have been for a long while. Long before I swore by gMail I was an early adopter of Google Search. I started using Google Documents to save things in the cloud that I needed to have access to between my home computer and work computer. Google Calendar sends me text message notifications before my calendar events in case I’m not at my desk. I use a host of other Google Services including Google Analytics to track the traffic of this blog to watching Youtube videos and the list goes on. Until recently I hadn’t really found a reason not to use one of their services.

Google Contacts will act as a digital Rolodex for you and store all this information online.  This year I got an Android Phone and I love it. When I enter a new persons information into my phone it asks me whether I want to enter them into my phone’s contact’s or my Google Contacts. At first glance this seems kind of intuitive, store all my contacts online in one place and never have to worry about losing my phone and subsequently all my numbers. Or I can’t tell you how many times I had to backup or migrate someone’s Microsoft Outlook contacts from one platform to another. But seeing how I really don’t want to be that plugged in, how I’m not on any social networks, how I think these things are just one more way for the government to keep tabs on the general population I am quite hesitant on using what looks to be a very good free product.

What if Google uses my contact information to connect dots between me and other people like my asshole friends? What if there’s some people I don’t want other people to know that I know? What if Google can track though my Android that I and another Google/Android user were at the same place at the same time? Certainly possible.

I mean why was a woman not allowed to buy an iPad using cash a little while ago? These companies want as much information they can get on you. Paying with a credit card certainly gets Apple a lot more information then a pile of 10’s and 20’s. This is the edge that Google has on other search engines, it has more data, their algorithms aren’t any more snazzy. So the only way to keep their number one search engine ranking is to keep adding more and more data about you and everyone else in the world. So they can target ad’s to you better and maybe, just maybe because they are in cahoots with the US government.

If I were in charge of data mining for the US government one of the first things I would have done was to set up a meeting with Google, applying whatever political pressure possible to allow access to their no doubt Exabytes of data at their disposal. Same thing with Facebook. If you don’t think there’s been at least contact about this happening you are probably a little naive.

So it really does come down to big brother. Google now has my email, my search history, my newsfeeds, my chats, my documents, my calendar and if I start using Google Contacts it will know everyone I care to list in there. Certainly a wealth of knowledge at someones fingertips if they choose to use it. I mean you could readily figure out that I’m an avid porn watcher and have athlete’s foot just from my Google searches alone, couple that with the questionable company I keep and I doubt I’ll be spared during Armageddon.

The Mark of the Beast 666

236223_400_300By: Billy BeerSlugger

I’ve long been interested in Doomsday scenarios. During a 2 day faked sickness in High School I smoked pot and perused the Book of Revelation in the Bible among other things.  I read it again after 9/11 as well as various Nostradamus quatrains looking for any correlation to what was happening at that time. I’m into Discovery Channel programs on Asteroids and other possible major threats to the Human Race. These things interest me.

One thing you can read in the Book of Revelation is that everyone will be branded:

“the Beast”: “He causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.”

This brings me to a Washington Post article I recently read that possibly fits into this scenario. There’s a bill in Virginia outlawing the involuntary insertion of microchips into the body which would hold medical info and serve other functions which could give away a persons location.

First, my dog has one of these things implanted in him. Should he ever be lost somehow the chip is activated via satellite and thus is able to reveal his location. It’s a great feature. Further, I’m sure that every parent of an abducted child wishes they had implanted one of these devices into their children and saved a whole lot of emotional or physical trauma to both parties.

Past children (or people with the mental capacity of children) and dogs though I really don’t see a need to have a microchip implanted into the body when you’re an adult. It’s an invasion of privacy in my opinion and whatever positive aspects the microchip could bring about the potential negative effects are far greater. Being able to track people’s movements is certainly not something I want to happen to me. I mean I’m not doing anything wrong but if I did happen to accidentally kill a hooker and have to bury her in the Pine Barrens, the microchip would certainly be a huge obstacle to getting away with it.

Not that the Revelations passage hasn’t been linked to 100 other scenarios including to things done by Caesar, Nero, Napoleon and Hitler.  However, this situation is certainly relevant and worthy of some contemplation.  Overall, I don’t want some microchip or other technology in my body unless it makes my dick really huge and even then I would have to think long and hard about it. No pun intended.

9-11 Suspects To Have Days in Court

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed or Ron Jeremy?  You decide.
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed or Ron Jeremy? You decide.

By: Billy BeerSlugger

According to this article on Reuters the alleged masterminds behind the 9/11 bombings will be tried in New York. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and others will soon be “subject to the most exacting demands of justice”, Obama said.

Correct me if I’m wrong here but wasn’t Osama Bin Laden the mastermind of this whole thing? I mean, yes there had to be other people involved but hasn’t the media, the government and every other organization been pushing the ultimate blame on Bin Laden since two days after the bombings?  So how is this guy one of the Mastermind’s when it’s been pushed on the American people that Bin Laden is the guy?  If Bin Laden makes the decisions doesn’t that make the guys that are getting tried Knights, Rook’s or Pawn’s in this Chess match to Bin Laden’s King?

How are these people expected to get a fair trial in the city that they are accused of blowing shit up in?  Seriously how do you get an impartial jury in the City of New York even 8 or so years after they lost 3,000+ of their fellow New Yorkers allegedly to the actions of the guys on trial.  Just not going to happen, you might as well execute these guys before they get airlifted off of Guantanamo.  We couldn’t have had this trial in Omaha, Nebraska where there isn’t nearly as many high profile buildings/targets to hit by potential terrorists seeking to make a statement during the trial?

Doesn’t Khalid Sheikh Mohammed look eerily like Porn Star Ron Jeremy?  What’s up with that shit?  Does anyone else smell a conspiracy here?

The Keystone Light = Coors Light Conspiracy

Never bitter.
Never bitter.

By: Billy BeerSlugger

It’s topical and it’s a question everyone has pondered from time to time.  There’s a lot of theories out there, a lot of conjecture about what is and what is not.  What follows is an in depth and logical look at the theories and rumors that your friends and colleagues have been debating since the dawn of time, Is Keystone Light the exact same thing as Coors Light.

The Facts:

  • Coors Light and Keystone Light are brewed by the same company, Coors Brewing Company.
  • Both beers have an Alcohol by Volume of 4.2%.
  • Both beers share a similar can if not the exact same can dimensions.
  • Coors Light is generally more expensive than Keystone Light.
  • Beer Can labels are inked directly onto the can before it is filled, not after.

The Theories:

  • Keystone Light is just Coors Light cans which were dented and then re-branded as the cheaper Keystone Light.
  • Keystone Light and Coors Light are the exact same beer just marketed in two different brands.

BeerSlugger Analysis:

One thing I know personally is that Keystone Light does not taste exactly like Coors Light.  It tastes similar but not the same. The Coors Light can now has the “Mountains Turn Blue” aspect to it which I’m going to venture to guess would need to be removed from the Coors Light can if it was re-branded to become Keystone Light.

From a financial aspect, it costs money to re-ink a can thus pretty much debunking the theory of Keystone Light being dented Coors Light cans.  It does not make financial sense to spend the money and manpower to re-ink beers only to sell them at a lower price (Keystone Light being cheaper than Coors Light).

I doesn’t make sense to brew the same beer, give it two different brands and sell them for two different prices.  That’s two different can inking departments, two different beer box orders with two distinctly different graphics on them.  If there’s one thing I know about printing, the more  you order of something, the cheaper it is.

When it comes down to it, breweries are in business to make money.  So why would Coors spend more money to produce two different brands of the same beer when they could spend less money and have one brand, the more expensive one I might add? Why would Coors re-ink dented Coors Light cans at a cost to the brewery only to sell them at a lower price? Why not just sell the dented Coors Light cans at a lower price and skip the costly extra step?

There’s no doubt that Keystone Light is in the same family as Coors Light but they are hardly identical twins.  I think from the logistics and costs of running two brand names of the same beer or re-inking dented beer cans to sell at a lower price I have pretty much laid these rumors to rest. It’s not like Coors is having a hard time selling Coors Light either even at it’s higher price tag.  Why mess with success and profit by taking extra steps to make less money?

Sorry Key Light conspiracy theorists, it just doesn’t make sense business-wise and I’m fairly certain Coors has stayed in business since 1873 by making the kinds of decisions which make more money, not less.

Twitter? What’s that?

twitterBy: Billy BeerSlugger

So a lot of my friends have asked me what Twitter is.  That’s all you ever hear about nowadays, Twitter, Tweet’s, Twats. “You’re a computer guy, you should know this stuff”, they say.

From what I’ve read, it’s a mico-blogging tool.  Where BeerSlugger.com is a blog and has no real limit on the amount of text, Twitter has a post limit on characters that is about the same as a text message (SMS).  You can actually Twitter (effectively post text to your account and have it show up on the website) from your phone using Text messages so that I’m guessing comes in handy on the go.  Though if I wanted to I could post something to BeerSlugger.com from my Blackberry (I’m a one upper).  I’m not sure what is so important that you couldn’t wait to go home and post on a regular blog or website but I guess if everyone else is jumping off a bridge I should too.

Anyway, I’m hip, I’m cool, I know who the Jonas Brothers are and I use Twitter.

Check me out at http://twitter.com/beerslugger

Eventually I’ll try and incorporate the Twitter into the BeerSlugger.com once i figure out what I can use it for besides sending messages while in the bathroom.  Preliminary ideas include segments called “Toilet Talk” and “Droppin’ Knowledge While Dropping A Deuce”.

Let me know what you guys think.

Swine Flu: Chemtrails? Bio-Weapon?

chemtrailsBy: Billy Beerslugger

So over the weekend or sometime late last week was the first time I heard about Swine Flu (technically influenza A virus subtype H1N1). I’ll admit I was joking about it, asking my buddy if one of the symptoms was excessive flatulence since I was very gassy after a heavy night of boozing.

Now though, it’s not really a laughing matter.  The World Health Organization is saying that a pandemic is imminent.

A pandemic for those of you keeping score is described as an epidemic of infectious disease that spreads through populations across a large region; for instance a continent, or even worldwide.

Swine Flu is endemic of Pigs and rarely infects humans.  It is of high probability that this virus must have mutated to be able to infect humans or been engineered that way.

I understand how it got from Mexico to Texas, that’s easy.  What I’m saying or at last what is fishy to me is how it spread so fast from Mexico to New York and now to Chicago.  I don’t think it has anything to do with flying on airplanes because most of the people reported to have acquired Swine Flu have been kids.  Spain reported the first case of Swine Flu in Europe and the person had not even been to Mexico.

So besides person to person contact, how are these virii being spread.  If the person from Spain who was not in Mexico has it, how did it get there?  How did it get from Mexico to New York with no infections in states in between?

I’ve been manning the Conspiracy theory channels and one possible cause is Chemtrails.  The chemtrail conspiracy theory suggests that some contrails (condensed water vapor trails from plane engine exhaust)  are actually chemicals or biological agents deliberately sprayed at high altitudes for a purpose undisclosed to the general public.  Some say Chemtrails are used to control Weather Patterns some say they may be used to combat global warming.

Some argue that we are being conditioned to accept these trails in the skies as normal by inserting them into movies and advertisements.

However, who is to say they are not being used to deliver the Swino Virus?  It’s possible but is it probable?  What if some sort of terrorist group is perpetrating this Swino Virus as a Bio-weapon, the government is covering it up and Jack Bauer is the only one who is keeping us safe?

I don’t have any proof but if this is true you heard it here first on Beerslugger!

This Youtube series really caught my eye on Chemtrails.  A little long (27 parts) and somewhat dry, boring but worth at least seeing some of what people are reporting on.

At least some local news stations are reporting on it.



By: Billy Beerslugger

So a U.S. freighter ship was boarded by pirates last week somewhere off the coast of Somalia.  I’m not really sure what happened to the rest of the crew but the Captain was taken hostage.  The news stations made a huge deal of this.  If you watched CNN, Fox, MSNBC over the last couple of days this was the main story.

The story ends with 3 pirates being snipered by the Navy Seals and the U.S. captain being freed.  Somehow though, I was rooting for the Pirates.  What if the main Pirate was in the same league as Jack Sparrow or One Eyed Willy from Goonies?

While I certainly wanted no one to die, it’s got to take a lot of balls to board a freighter ship, take hostages and demand a ransom.  You’ve got to be a little crazy.  ARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

These pirates differ from their Hollywood cousins in that the “booty” they desire is citizens who will pay a ransom for safe return instead of gold, silver or other precious cargo.  A cargo freighter isn’t something you’re going to steal and take to the high seas as your new pirate ship. Exchanging the new cars or other booty on board for the the vast amount of gas it takes to run one of these things just doesn’t make sense.

Somalia is a war ravaged country.  It’s government was overthrown in 1991 and for nearly 20 years has been ruled by rival clans.  Whomever has more pickup trucks, guns and men in that area is who the people listen to.  Some Somali people call these pirates heroes.  In reality, these men are just your ordinary fisherman, paid by the overlords to assault the some 25,000 ships that pass through the Gulf of Aden each year.  In 2008 piracy incidents in the area jumped to 111 from 41 in 2007.

It’s big business over there.  On average the Pirates earn between 1 million and 2 million per boat.  But all that money does not go to the pirates.  The pirates themselves make only about 30% of that while twenty percent goes to group bosses,  another 30 percent is spent on bribing local officials, and 20 percent goes for capital investment like guns, ammunition, fuel, food, cigarettes.  And these pirates are getting more sophisticated because increasing night time attacks suggest the use of Night Vision Goggles.

Love them or hate them, the Pirates do not seem to be going anywhere soon in that area.  And this brings me to another point, don’t work anywhere where there’s pirates.  This ship captain obviously knew of the pirate activity in the area. He chose to take the job anyway.  Just like if you go over to Iraq as some sort of contractor, the pay is higher but you run the risk of getting killed.

My advice,don’t work anywhere but the U.S., Europe, the British Isles and maybe Australia.  Anywhere else you’re fucking crazy.