Stuff Guys Shouldn’t Do: Small Dogs

How do you reprimand this dog after it pisses in your living room?

By: Billy BeerSlugger

Yes dogs are awesome. Yes they are way better than cats in every facet of their existence. Yes dogs need adequate space and exercise to thrive.  One thing I never understood about when people choose a dog is it’s cuteness over it’s size, capabilities and intelligence.  I for one am a proponent for meshing the three together to get the best fit for yourself. If you are a man you don’t choose a dog because it’s “super cute” you choose it because it’s smart and can provide you with not only companionship but security. No you don’t have a Pit Bull to have security but you want a dog that isn’t lazy enough to not care if it hears the door open at an odd hour of the night and maybe bite the shit out of a person coming in that late who it doesn’t know.

Personally I’m a fan of bigger dogs 50lbs and up. Why?

  1. Because if they do something wrong like shit on the carpet you can give them a really good whack without worrying about killing them.
  2. Because as fun as it is to play around with a little ankle biter dog, you can really play around with a bigger dog and get physical and they like it as opposed to run away.
  3. Because of the intimidation factor. If neighbors and would be robbers see a big dog in a house they will certainly think twice about trying to break in.
  4. Because exercising a high energy dog, bigger dog is fun.

If you can find a high energy big dog that is smart and obedient you are in good fortune. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t find a smaller breed of dog that isn’t a wimp and you can have a lot of fun with. There’s a bunch of really smart, high energy smaller dogs out there and the Jack Russell Terrier comes to mind instantly.

However, if you are a man and do not enjoy being anally penetrated you should probably stay away from a dog that you carry around in a bag.

Also, here’s a list of dogs that men should not own (unless inherited from a live in girlfriend or wife):

  • Maltese
  • Pomeranian
  • Chihuahua
  • Shih Tzu
  • Miniature Poodle
  • Chinese Crested

There’s more but I don’t have time to list them. Just know that a man should never own a dog that has “toy” in the front of it’s breed name and that if you must get a small dog, get a smart and active one.

Stuff Guys Shouldn’t Do: Decorative Rags

img_6971By: Billy BeerSlugger

I think rags are a really superior to paper towels in a lot of ways. You only buy a rag once, you use it as many times as you want and you can throw it in the washing machine or dishwasher if you think it’s got a little too much nastiness on it.  If the rag gets so old and ratty that you can’t bear to look at it anymore you can actually use it like a paper towel and throw it out after it’s last use.

So in some instances I’ll go to a friends house for drinks and if there is a spill I’ll quickly reach for the nearest rag, usually hanging on the oven handle or somewhere about the sink. So I was kind of taken aback that when I tried to hand this person the rag that hung on the oven I was rebuffed.

“That’s just there for decoration. We don’t use that as a rag.”

At this point I was thinking, what kind of practical use of a rag is that. It’s up there with Throw Pillows in terms of shit that is completely and utterly unnecessary. It’s a rag, it’s within reach and often the most obvious places you would look for a rag in case something spills but you can’t use it? It is there for show, a faux rag?

If you have a penis and don’t enjoy making out with guys I implore you to stop this practice. A rag only has one purpose, to clean things up. A rag is not a fashion statement even if it goes with your kitchen’s overall motif. If you live with your girlfriend or wife (or mother you loser) it is a perfectly acceptable trade off to keep the girl be happy with a decorative rag. However, if you’re a dude living by yourself or with other dudes and employ decorative rags in the kitchen you might want to get yourself tested for “the gay”.

Stuff Guys Shouldn’t Do: Throw Pillows

throwpillowsBy: Billy BeerSlugger

If you are a guy one of the things you may pride yourself is being practical and logical. At we are going to try and point out things that as a guy you definitely should not be doing.

In this first installment of Things Guys Shouldn’t Do, we will talk about throw pillows. Throw pillows serve absolutely no purpose besides making a bed look a little snazzier. Your wife, girlfriend, mother or sister probably employs throw pillows on her bed to make it try and look like something out of a Good Housekeeping magazine.Problem being that magazines sell illusion. While a bed topped with color or print matching pillows may look ok to some people, you can only use so many pillows. Thus these pillows got their name “throw pillows” because you essentially throw them off your bed before you go to sleep. You wake up you make your bed and put them back on. They are for show and show only.

As a man you should not be involved with throw pillows. If you are currently co-habitating with a woman who is your wife or girlfriend and she insists on making your bed “pretty”, you should put up any sort of resistance necessary. If you are not going to win this battle (since you are a pussy) you should at least use this as ammunition or compromise in another battle. Do not just let your lady friend emasculate your bed without repercussion. Give a little get a little but do not just give it away.

If you are not currently living with a woman and sharing the same bed and you use throw pillows you should seriously consider if you are a homosexual (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Check to see if you have any other homosexual tendencies like interior design, love of the theater, mens and womens fashion or if you go to the gym and your penis tingles when you enter the mens locker room. Along with throw pillows these are all signs you may be a GAY.