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Carrie Prejean Sextape

carrie-prejeanBy: Billy BeerSlugger

Former Miss California Pageant winner Carrie Prejean is back in the news because of a sextape (although more like a masturbation tape) that has surfaced.  Prejean originally came into national focus after she was criticized in the media for her answer in the Miss USA pageant which elaborated her views on gay marriage.  As more information came out about her and the more interviews done because of the answer on gay marriage she painted herself as a very god-loving person as citing that the body was a holy temple and other Christian type views on the world.  She was labeled as a hypocrite by the media after photos came out of her posing semi nude and or topless and then being under fire to surrender her Miss California Crown in which Donald Trump (who owns the pageant) gave her a pass.  Later she was stripped of her crown for breach of contract for reasons I didn’t care to look up which resulted in Prejean suing the Pageant for wrongful termination.  That suit was settled last week sometime as rumors of a sextape swirled and eventually was shown to Prejean and her mother (classic).

So now Carrie Prejean is back on the talk show circuit, Larry King Live, the Today Show, The View and talking about her book while all these shows are booking her for is the sextape questions which will boost ratings, not the book.  She refuses to answer questions about the sextape under the premise that the details of the settlement of her suit she is not permitted to and yada yada fuckin yada….

Now maybe this is an elaborate plan to boost her public persona and sell her book or maybe the former boyfriend she sent the video of her masturbating needed the money, though it seems the most money to be made from the tape would have been during her 15 minutes of fame. Anyway, she kind of won’t go away and it’s annoying me.

It’s not particularly annoying me that she has a sextape (because I definitely want to see it) but that all the talk shows have to have her on to talk about this shit.  All the liberal media has to parade her around as some gay hating, god loving whore when the girl is pretty much everything that most girls her age are, a little opinionated and a lot naive.  How many teenage girls have sent sext messages to their boyfriends.  How many groups of teenage girlfriends have put up a video on Youtube of themselves dancing very scantily clad to fast paced music or filmed the lot of them in the shower with bathing suits on (Ask me how I know these exist)? Point being that this kind of stuff happens quite regularly. I don’t know about filming masturbation, that’s a little overboard but I’ve received some pretty graphic stuff from girlfriends past that I wish I had saved.

The thing that most aggravates me is that she is a lightening pole for the liberal media to take shots at.  Trying to discredit her in any way possible and tie it into the Republican Party or Conservatives.  Not exactly a fair assumption and really she shouldn’t be news at all.  Prejean is right in that she says she is being attacked by the media for being against gay marriage and a devout Christian in the spotlight but really why does anyone care what this girl has to say?  Beauty Queens aren’t exactly known for their brains are they? Please Click here for more on that subject.

So why?  Why is this girl in the news?  A sextape is a sextape but it doesn’t necessitate talk show interviews.  Shame on whomever booked her and shame on her for using the publicity of the sextape  to sell her book even if by happenstance. Since you know she wasn’t going to get booked without the sextape scandal as her 15 minutes was up.   A person using a sextape to sell books and talk shows using a sextape to up ratings, I guess everyone wins (except the public).

Now I realize that the “Right” or “Conservatives” sometimes paint newsworthy people into the Democrat/Liberal unfairly but you really didn’t see Kim Kardashian be a lightening rod for criticism from the right even though she supported Obama for so long and has a sextape and naked pictures. It’s like Prejean is the newly appointed spokeswoman for conservatives as seen by liberals and really that’s far from the truth as Obama is doing a good job so far.

Maybe one of the biggest reasons why I wrote this is smug ass pseudo-intellectual talk/news host Kieth Olbermann seems to be fixated on her whenever she pops up in the news.  You may know I have a deep and reasoned dislike of Olbermann but I think the guy took it a little too far when he gave Prejean the two-fingered salute at the end of his show, signifying the two fingers a woman may choose to masturbate with (to view it go to the end of this video). It’s the kind of over the top gesture that someone on the other side of the political spectrum would get fired for but I’ve heard little to no backlash.

Olbermann, like many of his so called reporter counterparts seem to forget that this girl is a beauty queen not a Rhodes Scholar.  The weight of what she says or her opinions really don’t need to be a concern of national media , shes famous for being pretty and being personally (not an activist) against gay marriage.  There really is more pressing things going on in the world than the trials and tribulations of Carrie Prejean and her fake breasts and sextape.

However, as I said earlier, I do want to see the sextape.

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Barney Frank is 420 Friendly

By: Billy BeerSlugger

Barney Frank is the second openly gay Member of the House of Representatives a post he has manned since 1981.  He is also the Chair of the House Financial Services Committee dealing with issues like mortgage foreclosure bailout, American Housing Rescue & Foreclosure Prevention Act, Credit Cardholders’ Bill of Rights Act among other things.  A pretty big deal.  He favors medical marijuana which we’ll get to a little later.

You will see him on MSNBC, CNN, CNBC and he will even go on Fox and do interviewers with such right wing gas bags as Bill O’Reilly.  What I found so hilarious is that Barneys gay lover was arrested for marijuana possession, cultivation, and use of drug paraphernalia.  Barney was there when his partner was busted but denied knowing what the plants looked like etc.

It’s completely funny to me that heads the House Financial Services Committee
 is banging some dude who is a big enough pot head to grow it in the backyard. It’s the kind of news you think would have gotten major play in the media circa 2007 given Frank’s high profile job dealing with the mortgage crisis and all.

Not that I’m hating on him at all, I’m all for legalizing the Mary Jane and taxing the shit out of it but if we are going to hold our athletes accountable for getting caught smoking pot and suspend them or whatever, then maybe, just maybe we should hold our government officials accountable as well. If an NFL player can be at the wrong place at the wrong time and get chastised in the media and or suspended then I’m pretty sure the people who actually have a hand in shaping policy for our Government should be held up to that scrutiny as well.

Either way Colbert is hilarious in this Vid.

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SEPTA Strike Over

150px-SEPTA_text.svgBy: Billy BeerSlugger

So now that the SEPTA strike is over with Transportation Workers Union 234, expect an increase in fare’s soon.  SEPTA has stated that it was going to increase fare’s in 2010 just as it did in 2007.  How much you ask?  From what this article says about 10% increase in revenue for the fiscal year of 2011.

I guess we kind of knew that was going to happen though.  SEPTA Union workers strike, they get a raise, both sides make some concessions and ultimately they pass the buck onto the consumer.  Nevermind a portion of your tax money goes to SEPTA whether you use it or not, that’s besides the point.

So now for some thoughts, suggestions and wishful thinking:

1) How about 24 hour Weekend Service for subways and Regional Rail even at a limited schedule?

How much better would it be if you could get from Point A to Point B in Philadelphia after Midnight without having to take a cab, walk 100 blocks or ride a bike?  Insanely great!

How much more business would city bars and restaurants get from the outlying counties if there was even one train on every regional rail that took people home from the city say at 2:40am after the bars closed and giving people ample time to get to Market East, Suburban or 30th St Stations? I can’t tell you how many good times were abruptly averted by friends visiting who had to leave at 11:30 to make sure they got the last train home to Delco/Montco?  How many trips to the city were never had by people who don’t want to drive to the city because they would be drinking and don’t want to leave at 12pm to get the last train?

Give the people a reasonable way to get to and from Philadelphia to drink and be merry without having to drive or worry about getting home and you will see a city ripe with fresh faces on the weekends. I guarantee that.

2) How about a freaking rechargeable transit pass like every other city with a subway system has.  How about being able to pay with your credit/debit card at every station and or ticket/token dispenser?

Granted these things will cost money. Money to staff subways with police officers, money to pay the money hungry SEPTA employees who no doubt would welcome this as overtime.  I don’t know but if New York can do it and we’re pretty much New York’s J.V. team then I’m sure sooner or later we could pull this off.

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Restaurant Review: Alma de Cuba

By: Gene Yuss

I was hired some time ago by a cheap levitra without prescription firm that reviews top restaurants in major cities.  For some reason it has just occurred to me that such information could be beneficial to the BeerSlugger faithful.  I apologize for this indiscretion, and will be sure to keep you informed moving forward.  Please note I have a very refined palate, so your experience may be different.  online cialis With time your palate can also be refined…

Alma de Cuba

1623 Walnut Street,

Philadelphia, PA 19103

(215) 988-1799

http://www.almadecubarestaurant.com

Synopsis: I thought that Alma de Cuba had both excellent food and service.  The portions were adequately sized for two people to share and were reasonably priced (date night???).  The dining area and the restrooms were appropriately clean.  I thought there was little room for improvement in the friendliness and professionalism of members of the staff.  Overall a physically appealing restaurant with excellent food and service, and I plan on returning in the future.  I would not hesitate to recommend this restaurant to someone else based upon this experience.

Meal: Royal Palm Dates, Beef Tenderloin, Sweet Plantains and Dulce De Leche Crepes.  I was a little apprehensive about the almond-stuff dates wrapped in bacon with blue cheese; however, it was surprisingly cohesive and more  bland than dominated by the blue cheese.  The Dates were also a small dish, which was the perfect start to a large meal.  The Beef Tenderloin, which I typically get here, was great as always.  I asked for the temperature to be medium/medium-rare, and the Beef was a little more rare that I typically appreciate.  None-the-less, the menu has a slight change incorporated a crab salad instead of the website indicated sweet corn humita with chipolte sauce.  The server recommended the Dulce de Leche Crepes for dessert, and I welcomed the change – as I usually get the Chocolate Cigar.  The truffled streusel really won me over on this dessert, and if you’re not looking of the wow factor of the Cigar – this is a great option.

Booze: Mojito Classico was pretty firm on the rum flavor, while the Mojito Suave was much more sweet.  Gentlemen, enjoy the Classico and suggest your lady-friend try the Suave…

Service: Lauren was the waitress and Willy was behind the bar.  Both went well out of their way to accommodate and please.  Willy muddles a mean Mojito by the way…

Rating: On a scale of 0 to 6 spoons, I give Alma de Cuba a 4.5.  The plantains were a little dry, and my gamble on the dates wasn’t exactly a home-run.  But still the tenderloin, dessert and staff were in no way a disappointment.  The perfect venue for a semi-trendy, semi-upscale date night.

Please President Obama - Let us smoke Cuban cigars...
Dear President Obama: Please let us smoke Cuban cigars...
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Some Apple’s Have Worms In Them

Apple's market Share is up around 10% now.
Apple's market Share is up around 10% now.

By: Billy BeerSlugger

Something I’ve argued for a while with my friends who use an Apple Macintosh (Mac) computer and a real problem I’ve had with the “Mac vs. PC” commercials which have come out is the notion that Mac’s “don’t get viruses”.  Though I believe the Mac vs PC commercials point out Windows propensity for being “more vulnerable to viruses” it is a pretty subjective statement and not the whole truth.

The estimates for the number of Malware (Viruses, Spyware etc.) threats geared toward a Windows environment is around 1.8 million while compared to only a couple hundred aimed at the Mac. So by looking at those numbers, Windows has a lot more to worry about and a lot more to stay on top of than Mac in terms of threats. The disparity in the number of threats from Mac to PC is directly correlated to the dominant market share PC’s hold over Mac’s.  It’s only logical to think that a person who makes viruses/malware is releasing them for the most part to make money stealing information or just in it for the ego boost of disrupting millions of computers (sick I know but it happens).  So either way, the maker of the virus is naturally going to target it to the largest audience possible, this being the PC market.

Given this I do agree that PC’s are “more vulnerable to viruses” given the abundance of threats when compared to the Mac , however, that doesn’t necessarily make a Macintosh safer than a PC. In a Wired Magazine Post I read a month or two ago it describes the various ways that a Mac is actually less secure than it’s PC counterpart. It also goes on to say that “Their good track record is more a matter of luck in small market share”, which has been my argument for some time.

Something else I’d like to bring up that goes along with the substantially larger market share the PC has is the amount of Computer Illiterate users who take a perfectly good system out of the box and can turn it into something almost unusable inside of 3 months.  Letting their Anti-Virus subscription run out, downloading fake Computer Cleaners that claim your PC is infected only to then be infected by the downloaded software.  Adding 5 or 6 Poker games which are notorious for containing complete crap or downloading porn of a Hollywood Starlet which they must accept to install infected software to see and then ultimately be disappointed to find the starlet never even got naked in front of a camera. I can’t tell you how many of these inept people’s computers I’ve fixed for these reasons and while it does keep me in extra money if they were just a little smarter and cared a bit more they wouldn’t have 90% of their computer problems.  It’s amazing how many people don’t renew their Anti-virus subscription for $30 a year and instead opt to have their computer fixed for $40 an hour. Same goes for Mac users too!  Apple recommends the use of Anti-virus as well and I’ve seen Mac systems (a client’s work computer in particular) pretty much crippled and non-responsive.

If I were Apple, I wouldn’t be letting my marketing department brag about how the competition is susceptible to viruses when they’re not exactly secure themselves.  They may find that a brilliant (but obviously socially challenged) programmer could stay home on both weekend nights and devise a virus which could wreak havoc on Mac systems for just the notoriety of it between him and his nerd friends.

This wasn’t intended to be a Mac vs PC discussion at all. I am just trying to point out the flaws and half truths that are being spun by Marketing Firms and thus taken as gospel and regurgitated by the some parts of the computing community. However, you read this so please know that the real geeks, the hardcore computer enthusiasts and power users shun both Mac and Windows.  They opt for the Linux OS whether Red Hat, Ubuntu or another iteration.

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The Keystone Light = Coors Light Conspiracy

Never bitter.
Never bitter.

By: Billy BeerSlugger

It’s topical and it’s a question everyone has pondered from time to time.  There’s a lot of theories out there, a lot of conjecture about what is and what is not.  What follows is an in depth and logical look at the theories and rumors that your friends and colleagues have been debating since the dawn of time, Is Keystone Light the exact same thing as Coors Light.

The Facts:

  • Coors Light and Keystone Light are brewed by the same company, Coors Brewing Company.
  • Both beers have an Alcohol by Volume of 4.2%.
  • Both beers share a similar can if not the exact same can dimensions.
  • Coors Light is generally more expensive than Keystone Light.
  • Beer Can labels are inked directly onto the can before it is filled, not after.

The Theories:

  • Keystone Light is just Coors Light cans which were dented and then re-branded as the cheaper Keystone Light.
  • Keystone Light and Coors Light are the exact same beer just marketed in two different brands.

BeerSlugger Analysis:

One thing I know personally is that Keystone Light does not taste exactly like Coors Light.  It tastes similar but not the same. The Coors Light can now has the “Mountains Turn Blue” aspect to it which I’m going to venture to guess would need to be removed from the Coors Light can if it was re-branded to become Keystone Light.

From a financial aspect, it costs money to re-ink a can thus pretty much debunking the theory of Keystone Light being dented Coors Light cans.  It does not make financial sense to spend the money and manpower to re-ink beers only to sell them at a lower price (Keystone Light being cheaper than Coors Light).

I doesn’t make sense to brew the same beer, give it two different brands and sell them for two different prices.  That’s two different can inking departments, two different beer box orders with two distinctly different graphics on them.  If there’s one thing I know about printing, the more  you order of something, the cheaper it is.

When it comes down to it, breweries are in business to make money.  So why would Coors spend more money to produce two different brands of the same beer when they could spend less money and have one brand, the more expensive one I might add? Why would Coors re-ink dented Coors Light cans at a cost to the brewery only to sell them at a lower price? Why not just sell the dented Coors Light cans at a lower price and skip the costly extra step?

There’s no doubt that Keystone Light is in the same family as Coors Light but they are hardly identical twins.  I think from the logistics and costs of running two brand names of the same beer or re-inking dented beer cans to sell at a lower price I have pretty much laid these rumors to rest. It’s not like Coors is having a hard time selling Coors Light either even at it’s higher price tag.  Why mess with success and profit by taking extra steps to make less money?

Sorry Key Light conspiracy theorists, it just doesn’t make sense business-wise and I’m fairly certain Coors has stayed in business since 1873 by making the kinds of decisions which make more money, not less.

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Mourning the loss of a Favorite T-Shirt

The Single Tear Drop.
The Single Tear Drop.

By: Robby Ripchord

You know I should have learned this lesson in college.  It’s such a rookie move to make but it basically happened to me two times in one week so I really have no excuse.  I’m talking about lending girls articles of clothing to wear home after they sleep over.

You try to be a nice guy and lessen the burden of the walk of shame for a girl by giving her a t-shirt, sweatpants and or mesh shorts for the girl to wear on the walk back to her car and dwelling instead of her having to wear her now rumpled black cocktail dress or ridiculously low cut Halloween costume from the night before.  You think you’re doing the right thing but once again this is a case where nice guys finish last.  I just lost my favorite pair of sweatpants, mesh shorts and t-shirt in one week.  Never to be seen again. In one case not particularly caring about when or where I was going to see the girl again, just getting her out of the house as fast as possible before the required 11am checkout time that has been instituted in my domicile (Rules are Rules!).  The other instance being a girl I had seen a couple of times before and had planned on continue seeing until text’s and phone calls ceased to be answered (maybe she’s dead as Billy BeerSlugger pointed out?). She has my favorite t-shirt and sweatpants, a combination which when lost together is up there in terms of disappointment, dejection and anger with the passing of my Grandmother.

I even went so far as to leave her a message last night after a week of non-communication explaining that (in the nicest way possible) I really didn’t care that we weren’t talking anymore, but that I would really appreciate at least my t-shirt back even if I had to pay for the shipping. That t-shirt and I have been through some things together, good times, bad times, really drunken nights but in my life throughout the last 3 years or so there was one constant, that 100% cotton form fitting t-shirt.  I liked the t-shirt so much I bought two in different colors and after I lost one at the shore two years ago this surviving t-shirt was clearly the pinnacle of my t-shirt collection.  It was as equally important whilst lounging around watching TV as it was as an undershirt while out showing support for one of our local sports teams.  It’s hard to replace that kind of comfort and really a little piece of me died that day when she got in her car and left, never to be seen or heard from again. Not because of her but because of a garment which I associate with so many great times in my life.

What is it with girls and more so girlfriend’s in general that seem to know your favorite clothes and wear them constantly?  You can’t wear the t-shirt after your girlfriend has worn it, it has to go into the wash because while women generally smell better than men, men shouldn’t smell like women and even if the girl wears it for 10 seconds her scent is all over it.  You don’t see boyfriends grabbing their girlfriends favorite t-shirt and parading around the apartment, it just doesn’t work like that and that dynamic is just one of the many I have a gripe with in the long term male-female relationship. But that’s a discussion for another time.

I will miss you t-shirt, you deserve a better fate than this.

note: this article was written while listening to The Fray‘s 2009 album The Fray.  And yes I cried a little.

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Cheaters Never Lose on the Yankees

arod_whatSports with Bob McFlurry

You know the Yankees beat us fair and square. You can say that A-Rod’s homerun in game 3 that hit the camera which was leaning over the fence was questionable but in the end it really didn’t matter.  We were an out away from coming back to win game 4 and once untouchable Brad Lidge had another meltdown. Ryan Howard went from hero in the NLCS and Wildcard series to zero in the World Series setting a record for ineptitude at the plate.  Last night and in games previous Hideki Matsui proved to be a Philly Killer.

I’m not particularly angry, the better team won. The team that went out and got the top 3 free agents in major league baseball and has a payroll a little under double what the Phils have practically bought a Championship and in baseball you can do that. There’s no salary cap, there’s no rule that says you can’t collect the best players in the league like baseball cards and so the better team won.

I can handle the losing part but I can’t really stomach A-Rod and Andy Pettite being champions after both admitting steroid and or HGH use.  I don’t dislike A-Rod because he’s good but I dislike him because he lied to his fans and supporters for so long.  I don’t like Andy Pettite because he seems to get as much of a free pass on using PED’s that Rodney Harrison has gotten.  I’m a big believer in treating people equally across the board and if Barry Bonds is going to get ridiculed by the mass media and an asterisk next to his records the same punishment should go down for the two Yankee offenders.

If nothing else, a World Series championship solidifies a career for A-Rod which has Hall of Fame numbers. I feel like A-Rod will get into the HOF when his playing days are over, maybe even eclipsing Bonds career Home Run mark. However, all things being equal, Bonds and A-Rod taking PED’s why is A-Rod seemingly treated with the kid gloves when it comes to the press?  Why isn’t there as big a public outcry over A-Rod as there was over Bonds? Steroid Press Fatigue? Are people just that tired of hearing about it that they don’t care anymore to object? I don’t have the answers.

It’s weird because I don’t hate that the Yankees won, I hate that two players with a history of lying and cheating the game won.  As ugly as Hideki Matsui is you gotta give the guy props for showing up big when it counted even though Asian people are notorious for having small penises. You gotta give it to Derek Jeter, a class act that continues to prove his naysayers wrong.  For as old as Mariano Rivera is he can still get the best hitters in the game to strike out, pop up and ground out with a calming ease. Flamin’ Johnny Damon made his presence felt in a contract year.  These are guys I’m happy for. These are guys who I don’t mind losing to. I just can’t stand to lose to a couple of cheaters who are then put up on a pedestal by sportscasters and journalists for all the world and the kids to see that it’s ok to cheat, you can cheat and still win the World Series without so much as a slap on the wrist. Amazing!

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BeerSlugger of the Week

Folks, I may be a hypocrite.
Folks, I may be a hypocrite.

By: Billy BeerSlugger

My award for BeerSlugger of the week goes to Georgia running back Washaun Ealey who was supposedly victimized by an eye gouging incident this past weekend in the Florida vs. Georgia rivalry game.

Florida linebacker Brandon Spikes was suspended for half an upcoming game for apparently trying to gouge the eyes of Ealey but Ealey came to the defense of Spikes per an ESPN report.

“He shouldn’t, I think, get suspended at all. We were just out there playing football… He really didn’t gouge my eyes, He really didn’t get a chance to get close to my eyes… I’m pretty sure it goes on back and forth… We probably do it and other teams do too. It’s all football. We’re just out there trying to have fun.”.

It’s refreshing to hear a player, a freshman I might add, speak to the toughness of the game and not play victim even though his team lost.  Spikes caught a lot of flack over the replay of him reaching into Ealey’s helmet.  Guys like Mike Golic of Mike & Mike in the Morning saying that kind of behavior doesn’t have any place in football etc.  Well I’d like to hear some former players that opposed Golic and hear that he was a saint on the field, that he never cut blocked anyone or did anything that would be considered to “not have a place in football”. Some of your hero’s, some of the best players in NCAA and NFL history employed dirty tactics to win games and needle opponents.  It’s not a foul if you don’t get caught and it’s only within the last 5 or so years that with the help of technology we have been able to view these sorts of fouls and pick them out very easily.  Like Ealey stated his team probably does it to other teams too.  Spikes just happen to get caught on TV and then ESPN took hold of it making a “no harm-no foul” play into a national story.

We ask our football players to be on the edge at all times on the field, to play with emotion, to sacrifice their body to make a tackle or block a 250 pound player running at you for 40 yards at full speed on a kickoff.  We ask this of our players and then when they let emotion get the best of them, when they step over that line we chastise them as dirty players and they are ridiculed in the mainstream media.  Never mind if Spikes’ helmet went flying off on a play and he got hit, even if unintentional.  Never mind if there was an obscene amount of trash talk on both sides and this is a huge rivalry game.

It’s great that Washaun Ealey, the supposed victim, can come out and shed light on the incident, “We were just out there playing football and having fun.”.  To players like Ealey and Spikes, the game is fun and these underhanded things to get under the opposing teams skin and gain an advantage any way you can is just part of the game. What does everyone think happens at the bottom of a pile after a fumble recovery?  Do you think the players are huddled together on the ground discussing the state of the economy?  NO, the team that doesn’t have the ball is punching the guy who does in the gut, in the groin and gouging whatever part of the face that a player can get his hand into to try and get that guy to let go of the ball.

At least in Football you have pads and helmets, if a team wants to go after you in Rugby you’re pretty much due for a trip to the Emergency Room.

As for the suspension, he got caught he’s suspended for a half. Notice it was not an NCAA suspension but a team suspension.  I’ve talked to people and they think Spikes should be gone for at least a game but Ealey wasn’t even hurt.  It’s really hard to actually get your hand beyond a face mask and do damage.  Just another case of ESPN making a bigger deal of something that happens pretty regularly and thus swaying public opinion on a player who for all we know could be the nicest guy you’ve ever met off the field.

I would have suspended Spikes for a Quarter and told him to not get caught again.

PS: For disclosure sake, I hate Florida football with a passion.

Rib bellyache and Yorkshire, or guy pork and they owe more to nineteenth-century models buy college terminus papers Write My English Essay I matt-up wish matt-up that many modern authors didnt takings writing severely, some sort of hatred for me, and took delight in potential to burst the near be near at how would the man be British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 341, 129-138.

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How the Phillies Assaulted my Liver . . . Again

ATT00004By: F.X. Galvin

Is this Déjà vu? For the second year in the row the Philadelphia Phillies are in the World Series. For the second year in a row I am a complete alcoholic mess and am one game 7 away from checking myself into a Betty Ford clinic. I feel like I have entered “Groundhog’s Day.” I wake up thinking about the Phils previous game, as well as the looming game. I am hung over loathing myself and the fact that I have to suffer through work from 8:30 to 5:00. The only way I make it through work is listening to sports radio 610, which fulfills my Phillies fix. After work, if I do not immediately start drinking or need to get ready to go to the bar to watch another Phils beat down, I try to mix in the occasional run or meal. Over the last month, both of these daily regularities have progressively been thrown to the wayside. After, each series closing game I am not sure who needed more rest, an overworked Chase Utley or my liver.

This drunken voyage has begun during the NLDS and has turned into a sloppy, disgusting, obsessive mess. The key highlights of the NLDS have to be the following: Attending Game 1 of the NLDS watching Cliff Lee pitch his first gem of the post season against the Colorado Rockies. This game was indicative for the rest of the postseason. Cliff Lee beasted, I got wasted, blackedout, and called out of work the next day. Major League baseball needs to realize that it is not conducive to alcoholic Philadelphia fans to have 4:00 PM start times. Seriously, what are you trying to do to us?

Ultimately, the Phils got redemption from 2007 and closed out the Rockies in four games on a Sunday evening into a Monday morning. Eagles smoked the pathetic Bucs starting at 1:00, followed by the Phils beating the Rockies at approximately 2:00 am (Long Day). Thank you to the staff at Paddywacks for not kicking out hundreds of drunk Phanatics from the bar until the game was finished. Also, thank you Christopher Columbus for getting me the day off work on the following Monday. As the late, great Harry Kalas would have put it “Christopher Columbus, you are the Man!”

The next step for the Phils and my liver was the NLCS and a rematch with the pretentious Los Angeles Dodgers and their obnoxious, idiotic fan base. “Hi, I am an asshole Dodgers fan, let me get to the NLCS by the 4th inning and let me try to fight Phils fans. If that fails, maybe I can buddy up with the Bloods or the Crips in the second deck and jump a 12 year old for his iPod touch. If that fails I’ll make a quick exit in the 8th inning so I do not have to watch the Phillies embarrass the Dodgers in LA.” Losers.

To the highlight: Being at game 4 of the NLCS for me was the best in person experience I have ever had at a professional sporting event. For me, it was even better than the only NFC Championship victory of the decade by the Eagles over the Dogkiller, Michael Vick – led Falcons. That night again, I was blasted. I do not know if it was the vodka, liver killer mix my buddy made, the 12-15 bud lights I put down before and during the game, or the free shots of Jack that were being given away in at the Wine and Spirits but I was tanked. For what you ask? To watch Jimmy “Willie Mays Hayes” Rollins hit a walk off, two run double to put the foot on the throat of the Dodgers. (I’m sure you can figure out the nickname. He is the only leadoff hitter in baseball that tries to hit a home run every at bat. As Lou Brown says in “Major League,” “Runs like Mays hits like shit.”) Anyway this led to an all night drunk fest topped off with another call out. Thanks Phils, my employer is getting happier with me by the series.

Now, the Phils are approaching game 6 of the World Series against the New York Yankees. The New York Yankees and its fan base are even more pretentious assholes than the Dodgers. The Yankees are the most reveled and hated team in baseball. Yankees fans think they are entitled to greatness every season and anything less than a World Series championship is a disappointment. I coronate these douchebags as the most annoying and arrogant fans in sports. I digress. Again, this series has led to a drunken fiasco. More drunk nights at McGillan’s Ale House, more hangovers, but fortunately no call outs. Yippee, I have matured. I am tired and sick, yet hungry for another championship.

Bottom line, I have enough in me for three more celebrations, game 6, game 7 followed by another parade down Broad Street. My liver as well as every other die hard Philles fans in Tri-State area shares the same sentiment. I have three more drunken parties, two more wins, one Friday call out, a random Phillie led one night stand, and one parade left that my liver can not miss. These events are necessary in obtaining the ultimate championship in Philadelphia sports history. . . Winning the World Series against the New York Yankees. Go Phils! Please do not let my liver down.

By F.X. Galvin