By: F.X. Galvin
What is Dizzy Bat? First, you cut out the bottom of a wiffle ball bat. (the handle portion, not the head portion.) That along with a wiffle ball and beer are the only props you need to play this game. Once your equipment is modified you essentially only need two people to play dizzy bat even though the more people who play the better. The person who wants to do the actual dizzy bat gets the wiffle ball bat and dumps one beer into the bat. Next, he puts the head of the bat on the ground and puts his forehead on the other end of the bat. Then, he spins two times in a circle, then proceeds to chug the beer from the bat. After chugging is complete, he again spins two more times in the abovementioned fashion. Finally, the batter attempts to regain balance and the other participant pitches a wiffle ball to the batter in which he attempts to hit. As you can imagine it is very rare for the batter ever to hit the ball.
Where does this game take place? Dizzy Bat is popular for tailgating sporting events and also at barbeques. It is obviously an outdoor game, so it can only be played at limited locations in optimal weather conditions. If high winds are in the forecast you essentially will never hit the ball. Really though, the point is not really to hit the ball, it is to chug a beer out of a wiffle ball bat and to spin without killing yourself.
A major downfall to this game is that you are basically chugging a ton of head from a light beer out of a dirty ass wiffle ball bat. After spinning twice with the beer in the bat a great deal of beer will turn into head which makes it much more difficult to chug. I have seen Dizzy Bat without the initial spins and it begin with the chugging but what fun is that. You might as well do it right if you are going to do it at all. I once had a coach who constantly bitched during conditioning when we would try to cut corners, “Don’t cheat, you’re only cheating yourself.” I agree with that message in this instance. If you are going to do a Dizzy Bat, do not cheat, you might as well go all the way and do all the spins.
Anyway, of course I have a quick story to go with this post. Last Tuesday I went to the Phillies game. The game happened to be a dollar dog night. For those who do not know, dollar dog nights are a mecca for underage college students and high school kids. Well anyway, I arrived at the game around 5:30pm right after work. The people I was meeting for the game had a greater distance to come and did not get to the game until after 6:00pm. While I was waiting, I met up with my little sister, Wine-in-a-boxslugger. My sister is 20 and she had just gotten home from college. She met up with approximately 25 of her underage friends from high school around 3:00pm, who also had recently gotten home from college. To my surprise, she gave me a bud light. I was surprised because I expected some form of Beast or at best, Nattie Light. As I cracked the beer, I noticed some of the college kids were playing Dizzy Bat.
At this point a girl who was approximately 5′ and about 105 lbs was starting to do a dizzy bat. She chugged the beer like a champ, then things went all downhill. She attempted to spin two times after chugging, but during the second rotation, the bat was about 16 inches off the ground. After she attempted the second spin she never regained balance. The young dizzy batter in a three point stance proceeded to run head first into a newer, red mustang. Hilarious, she laid a hit on that mustang about as hard as Sheldon Brown hit Reggie Bush in the 2007 NFC Divisional Playoff. Stupid bitch speared a car but hit it head on. Amazingly, she popped right back up like nothing was wrong and grabbed another beer amid some laughter. Even funnier, no one really ridiculed her for taking a face plant into a mustang which I find even more amazing. So this Dizzy Bat attempt gets and F for effort but an A for making me laugh. Over a week later I’m still thinking of this girl taking on a mustang one-on-one and laughing out loud. Her Dad would be proud.
P.S. – I could swear that this girl is Wine-in-the-boxslugger’s best friend. She says she doesn’t even know her and that she was a grade younger than her. How dare I assume they could possibly be friends. Come on admit it, you know you are hanging with her tonight.