It’s still somewhat cold, I’m wearing long sleeve shirts but there’s no need for a full on jacket so I broke out the Marty McFly poofy vest (circa 1999 from Structure). It’s got down feathers in there so you know it’s good, kind of like walking around in a cloud.
Anyway, my friend and I were talking over a couple of adult beverages about how much we liked Structure in the 90’s (and how ridiculous I looked in a 1990’s poofy vest). Then suddenly, in the great year of our lord 2000, Structure was merged with Express, a woman’s clothing store, under the brand Express Men’s.
So now essentially when you buy something from Express Men’s, you’re technically buying men’s clothing from a woman’s store. Like if Victoria’s Secret sold men’s underwear under the brand Victoria Secret Mens. Would you do that?
After some investigative work I found the Structure brand was sold to Sears sometime after the merger. I wouldn’t buy any article of clothing from Sears. When I think of Sears I think of ratchet sets and shit like that.
So Structure’s former Parent Company, Limited Brands, is pretty major. They did about 9.7 billion dollars in revenue last year. And at one point or another owned pretty much every store in the mall. Limited, Limited Too, Bath & Body Works, Structure, Victoria’s Secret, Lane Bryant, The White Barn Candle Company, Express, Lerner New York & Abercrombie & Fitch.
I’m leading a team of investors to rescue the Structure Brand from Sears and return it to it’s 1990’s dominance of male teenage prepsters. The offer now stands at a block of sharp cheddar cheese, a stray cat, a case of Schlitz beer, a broken lava lamp, a $20 gift certificate to the Olive Garden and 10 shares of Citigroup (C), from our 301k, valued at the time of this article at $17.90. We need your help to sweeten the pot!
note: When I say “investigative work” I mainly mean Wikipedia. And also feel free to write the article on Structure in Wikipedia because there is none. Please note in this article that the Beerslugger Group Ltd. is trying to acquire the Structure brand from the evil Sears Corporation.