BeerSlugger.com – Page 12 – We've got issues…

October 4, 2009

Lady GaGa Topless

I'd probably Poke Her Face........... Sexually that is.

By: Billy BeerSlugger

This is goign to be a pretty small post. I wouldn’t call myself a Lady Gaga enthusiast but I do enjoy naked women. Plus I do have a dance for Poker Face. I feel it’s my duty to inform you of naked celebrities.

Here’s the hermaphrodite topless in V magazine.

Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa Poker Face

Yes it’s Sunday and I’m wasted. What are you doing?

October 2, 2009October 2, 2009

The Inside Track with Landon Brang: 10/2/09

We at Beerslugger.com strive to bring you excellence (or as best we can) in everything that we do. That is why we have fired Sam “Ace” Rothstein after an abysmal start. We now proudly present Landon Brang whose life story movie “2.1 For the Money” is due out any day! On to the picks……

Washington St + 35 over Oregon

Simple – Washington St is not this bad and Oregon is not this good. The ducks have no right to be laying 5 TDS to anyone and that includes Billy Beerslugger’s Thanksgiving Day team. I was all over Washington St last week catching 45 from USC. This line is bet up because Oregon has won 3 in a row and dismantled California. Let down game for the Ducks.

Central Michigan -8 over Buffalo

How can a team that just got smacked by Temple be only an 8 point dog to the best team in the MAC for the last 4 years. I have won more money on Dan Lefevour than any other player ever. There is no way as a senior this guy loses to Buffalo. Chippewas win by 3 TDs.

Denver +3 over Dallas

Dallas is coming off a Monday night win banged up and must travel to the thin air of Mile High Stadium. Denver’s defense is good and can stop the Cowboys stagnant offense. Kyle Orton has done a good job managing games and I think whoever wins the Turnover battle wins this game.

Chicago and Detroit over 39

Jay Cutler throws all over the Detroit secondary that is giving up close to 300 yards passing a game. Detroit has shown it can move the ball averaging 20 points a game. Look for this one to go way over the total.

October 2, 2009October 2, 2009

Taking a Dump on Mass Media

One World at the Will of The Advertisers

By: Billy BeerSlugger

A lot of the media is making a big deal over President Obama’s trip to Copenhagen in an effort to lure the Olympics to Chicago. Seriously, who gives a shit. If no one is going to make a big deal over his going on The Late Show with Dave Letterman then why is this a big deal? There’s a lot of bullshit coming at us from all angles.

Yes the President should be focused on bettering the country and the economy and the wars and all that stuff but it’s not like there’s not a computer on Air Force one. If thousands of people take the train to work everyday for an extended period of time and get work done don’t you think that the friggin President of The United States would be able to pull off the same?

With the 24 hour news networks trying to fill time this is what they decide to poke Obama on? There’s a poll on it, the news networks have a 4 panel discussion on why they think it is or is not a good idea. Again, who gives a fuck? Then you have the millions of real internet news sources as well as the fake ones (like BeerSlugger.com) debating the shit out of it too.

Everything the President does is held under a microscope and rightfully so but does everything need to be debated to death? Does absolutely everything need to be reported on? The 24 hour Cable News Networks much like the 24 Hour Cable Sports Networks absolutely beat things to death that 5 or 6 years ago wouldn’t have seen airtime. It’s getting to the point where in the future we may get Newsflashes that Obama is taking a dump. Just like we got updates on Mike Vick being in pads and practicing or Mike Vick getting into a game and throwing two passes and running twice for a total of 7 yards. Sportscenter usually shows stats on people who do well or at least actually start the game, but not in Mike Vick’s case, it doesn’t matter what he does or if he gets in the game at all they still report on him. I remember back in the late 90’s when ESPN would give you Dick Trickle’s back of the pack finish in a NASCAR race just because he had a funny name. It’s getting to that point where a player can be an absolute non-factor in a games and still get mainstream media attention.

Now if you have read any of my prior stories on the Mass Media you know I’m not a big fan of what’s going on. The news (the real news) was supposed to be fair, impartial and as objective as possible. Presenting all the facts and letting the audience decide which way to lean on a particular issue. The ABC’s and CBS’s and NBC’s of the world used to be pretty good at this but now no one watches the World/US News on Prime Time Newtork TV or it’s just not a money maker therefore Networks have dumped these programs in favor of cookie cutter reality TV shows. It’s sad.

It’s gotten to the point that I’ve found a couple of internet sites that are trying to correct that, even if they’re not exactly mainstream.

Pro Publica is a site I really like: http://www.propublica.org/

It describes itself as “an independent non-profit newsroom that produces investigative journalism in the public interest.” Their full time staff investigates stories and then gives them away for free to mainstream news outlets like 60 Minutes, CNN, USA Today, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times and others. Actually anyone is free to republish their stories so long as they are credited with the work and none of the content is changed (something I’m considering putting on BeerSlugger if I read a particularly good article). Pretty cool if you ask me and they have a multitude of Pulitzer Prize winning authors on staff. If I were a top flight journo trying to make a difference in the world without selling out to Corporate America this would be on a short list of places I’d like to work.

Another website I came across is http://www.spot.us/, also a non-profit. This website brings together citizens, journalists and news publishers and allows you to pitch a particular story to readers of the site who may donate money to see the story come to fruition and actually get published. The principal of crowd-funding and or crowd-sourcing are used here in a sort of grass roots effort to get better journalism to the masses. Also a pretty cool concept.

Overall, things aren’t going to get any better in my eyes in terms of how mass media handles and decides what is news and what isn’t. I already get 90% of my news from the Internet and I can see that number growing as TV News continues to be dominated by inane pundits and superficial stories.

Are you ready to do the same? Dan Rather is rather fed up with the bullshit on TV News and he’s taking CBS to court about it.

Rather:

“We have very large corporate interests working with powerful political interests to manipulate the news and the people who report the news, whatever their political persuasion. I don’t think the American people want them, and what I have been seeking to do in this trial is to bring out the facts.”

October 1, 2009

Blood Energy Drink

By: Billy BeerSlugger

Blood Energy Drink is a product marketed to the general public but really some marketing guru is trying to take advantage of the movie Twilight and it’s fat girl/skinny girl/ gay guy fan base. It’s an energy drink that has the consistency of blood, the same color of blood, most of the same nutrients as blood and comes in packaging you would find in a hospital. Seriously, what is the world coming to?

Are people really that obsessed with the a vampire movie that they will buy this? I loved the Wesley Snipes movie Blade but I didn’t run out and try to get fang implants or sleep all day in a box with soil from Transylvania. I mean I can see the gothic leaning population loving this shit because they’re a little bat shit to begin with but are the tweens and twenty something fans of twilight going to buy this stuff.

Between Twilight, the HBO show True Blood and some show Vampires Diaries on the WB or whatever the fuck that station is called now, has there ever been a cooler period of time to be a vampire? The only way you could be cooler than being a vampire right now is to be a black rapping Vampire that also happens to be gay. It actually sounds like a great sitcom.

If one were to make a mixed alcoholic shot with this stuff and Jägermeister, what would it be called? A Blood Bomb?

October 1, 2009

The Walmart Dilemma

By: Billy BeerSlugger

You know Walmart, the United States largest retailer, has gotten a lot of bad press lately. I watched a documentary (Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price) a year or so ago about how Walmart was really taking advantage of their employees, not giving overtime and not offering health insurance and the adoption of an anti-union stance. How when a Walmart opens in a small town it can really squeeze local merchants and put them out of business.I’m a sucker for documentary’s and I’ll admit the video had me leaning initially toward boycotting the megastore.

I’ve heard people I know say they won’t go there for these reasons but after a visit to a local Walmart a couple of weeks ago I’m not sure I’ll be one of these people. Not that I make a weekly trip to the retail palace but the prices really are a lot lower than other retailers for certain items. Getting my Old Spice High Endurance deodorant for over $2 less than I would at a place like Rite Aid or CVS. Grabbing a 12 pack of socks for $5.50 and picking up a couple of food items that seemed to be a really good deal opposed to my local supermarket.

First, with the state of the economy and family’s tightening the budgets more and more, what is so wrong saving money? Even if Walmart is treating employees unfairly cannot these people go somewhere else and work if it’s so bad, this is America after all isn’t it? No one is putting a gun to their head and saying they have to work at Walmart.

Second, if Walmart is putting the squeeze on local businesses in towns they open stores in isn’t that in fact good for the consumer? Competition driving down prices. Yes it sucks that local businesses will close due to their inability to compete but innovative and new businesses should spring up in their absence and existing businesses that are able to adapt will also survive. Is not this a Capitalist society? Don’t new businesses spring up every day as well as fold? Isn’t there something to be said about survival of the fittest anymore?

Yes I do care about Walmart workers rights/conditions and I do feel slightly bad for the family’s of the businesses that go under due to direct competition with Walmart but i and the rest of America should be looking out for number one during these rough times. If you can save $20 a week by purchasing items cheaper at Walmart isn’t that $20 more in your pocket? Why should you feel bad about that?

There is something to be said about a monopolistic environment that could be forming where Walmart is the only seller of a specific type of good in a given area but then again if Walmart was pricing these items more expensively than they should another business could challenge for dominance in that particular good, service or sector.

Overall, I’m not a huge fan of Walmart. I’d never buy audio/video equipment there or clothing besides socks and underwear but i don’t really have a problem going and saving money on the items I would buy there and you shouldn’t either.

October 1, 2009

Why Women Have Sex

By: Billy BeerSlugger

In what is easily some of the best reading I’ve done in awhile, I checked out this article from the Guardian in the UK. Lots of stuff I already knew or subconsciously knew but it’s great to have a study behind it because lets face it, what’s opinion without some scientific facts behind it.

No not all women have sex for money: directly or indirectly, some do rather enjoy the experience. Apparently for the enjoyment of it was reason number one.

Some Others included:

promotion
bartering
for revenge
to get back at a partner who has cheated on them
to make their partners feel bad
to make themselves feel good
duty
using sex to get rid of him
to make him jealous

Some interesting concepts included:

“Love” as an Insurance Policy

Saying Love is essentially something that helps ensure your mate won’t leave you. Also goes into the chemicals the brain produces when someone is in love like phenylethylamine, dopamine and norepinephrine which can induce a euphoria like experience. From what I’ve read love is just a chemical reaction.. if you want to believe that.

The Concept of Mate Poaching:

“There isn’t this huge pool of highly desirable men just sitting out there waiting for women.” So how does a woman get the man she desires? We “compete to embody what men want” – high heels to show off our pelvises, lip-gloss to make men think about vagina’s, and we see off our rivals with slander. We spread gossip – “She’s easy!” – because that makes the slandered woman less inviting to men as a long-term partner. She may get short-term genetic benefits but she can sing all night for the resource benefits, like a cat sitting out in the rain. Then – then! – the gossiper mates with the man herself.

The Concept of Mate Guarding:

Women regularly have sex with their mates to stop them seeking it elsewhere. Mate guarding is closely related to “a sense of duty”, a popular reason for sex. “Most of the time I just lie there and make lists in my head. I grunt once in a while so he knows I’m awake, and then I tell him how great it was when it’s over. We are happily married.” Women also Mate Guard by flaunting healthy sexual relationships thus signaling to potential “competition” that her mate has no need to look for sex anywhere else.

The Economics of Sex:

Not just prostitution but handbags, dinner, drugs, jobs but also to get their partner to take out the trash or mow the lawn. Freshman girls will bang fraternity guys and others who can acquire alcohol and get them and their friends drunk for free. However, they also do it for the status of it as well.

Women use sex at every stage of a relationship, “from luring a man into the relationship, to try and keep a man so he is fulfilled and doesn’t stray”.

This just goes on to prove a point my dad told me at an early age, “Women have a gold mine between their legs”. It also goes into my own theory of dating and relationships, once a women begins using sex as leverage to get what she wants you are officially fucked. Once sex between you and a girl you’re dating isn’t just for pleasure it becomes a relationship. It also makes me wonder if the girl is even having sex with you in the beginning under the pretenses of pleasure or just to lure you in as a potential mate. Have I been naive this whole time?

So more or less, women have sex to get what they want. Whether it is to get or keep a man, get monetary, egotistical or otherwise beneficial gain from it or bribe their husband into mowing the lawn. Per this article women are attracted to men with symmetrical features as well as scent (Pheromones?). These features are apparently ingrained in women as a way of choosing a the best sperm to produce her offspring just as a woman with ample breasts, blonde hair and large hips is supposed signs of a good child bearer to a male.

While I’ll never really fully understand women it’s good to know as much as possible about the enemy. This article was definitely an eye opener in terms of motivations behind a woman’s decision to partake in sex.

September 25, 2009September 25, 2009

BeerSlugger.com Getting Social

By: Billy BeerSlugger

We’d like to thank the many BeerSlugger’s out there that support our site and read our crappily written articles.

Being that this is the 22nd century I figured we’d bring BeerSlugger out of the dark ages and allow you guys to use all your little crazy social networks, social bookmarks and all that other bullshit.

So if you’ve got Facebook you can share an article you like by clicking on the icon at the bottom of the post. If you use Digg you can help BeerSlugger.com reach the masses by submitting an article you like by clicking on the dig icon at the bottom of the post. Same goes for Reddit and Yahoo Buzz.

If you are a Technorati user there is an icon on the right column that you can click to make BeerSlugger.com one of your favorite blogs.

We’re not really sure what any of this stuff does but we’ve looked at other blogs and they have the same shit. So in and attempt to be homogeneous and banal we have bowed to the peer pressure, emails and comments and added these features to BeerSlugger.com.

It’s Friday so I’m going to get drunk now. Enjoy your weekend and thanks for logging on.

Sincerely,

William J. BeerSlugger

September 25, 2009September 25, 2009

The Inside Track with Ace Rothstein: 9/25/09

Last week we went 1-2-1. A couple of breaks and we have a monster week. I still believe we were on the right side of the games but that’s why they call it gambling. On to this week.

Fresno St +17 over Cincinnati

Cincinnati has to come home after a tough game on the West Coast and is laying a big number here. They are 2-8 ATS the past 10 games where they are favored by more then 8 points. This Fresno St team is good
and will look to control the clock by running the ball the whole game. Cincinnati played Hawaii in there Bowl game last year and barely got by them. Fresno St is a better and more balanced team then Hawaii. Fresno St covers and has a chance to pull this out in the 4th Quarter.

Illinois +14 over Ohio St

Arrelious Benn is back and so is Illinois passing game. With 2 weeks off Illinois is going to come in on fire and look to take it to one of the best teams in the Big 10. Looking into the numbers Illinois is 8-2
ATS the past 10 where they are a 10-14 point underdog. Illinois is also 6-2 ATS past 8 games vs Ohio St and 4-1 ATS at Ohio St. Look for a upset.

Tennessee +3 over NY Jets

I think Mark Sanchez stinks! He has managed two alright games but has not faced a defense this good ever. The Jets thought last week was their Super Bowl and it will be hard for them to get up again for this game. Tennessee has Super Bowl aspirations and has started the season 0-2. The Titans are 8-2 ATS the past 10 September road games.

Arizona Cardinals -2 1/2 over Indianapolis Colts

The Colts are coming off a huge Monday night win in the heat of South Florida. Now they must travel to Arizona and play against a great offense. The Colt defense was on the field 80% of the game last week, and will be tired by the second half of this one. And we all know what Kurt Warner does against tired defense’s that aren’t rushing. Cards by a TD.

September 25, 2009

Dudes Who Need To Be Fired: NFL Edition

Sports With Bob McFlurry

Here’s My NFL List of 2009 who need to be fired in the sports world whether they deserve it or not:

Head Coaches:

Jack Del Rio: Jacksonville Jaguars

Del Rio has a regular season record of 50-46 with 3 winning seasons in 6 years and two playoff appearances including one playoff win. That coupled with the dismal season they’re probably going to suffer through will not allow Del Rio to keep his job. Unless David Garrard turns into Peyton Manning that is and Maurice Jones Drew can prove he’s an every down back. Bottom line Jack Del Rio is somewhere else next season.

Marvin Lewis: Cincinnati Bengals

Last year 4-11-1, 2oo7 finished 7-9, 8-8 in 2006 after going 11-5 in 2005. Carson Palmer’s health has to do as much with the loses as much as the defense does but ultimately Lewis is responsible because he was brought in to fix the defense. He’s only had one winning season from 2003 to 2008 which means after they don’t make the playoffs this year, the experiment is over.

John Fox: Carolina Panthers

In the mid-2000’s John Fox’ Carolina Panthers were the sexy pick to make the Super Bowl pretty much every preseason. He’s had 3 winning seasons in 7 years and at least has a winning regular season record (63-49). The Panthers went to the Super Bowl in 2003 when their offensive line was all juiced up on steroids and HGH and went to the NFC Championship game in 2005. They also lost last year in the first round of the playoffs to eventual NFC champion Arizona Cardinals. All things considered, even with a winning record in the regular season and a 5-3 record in post season play, John Fox should be fired after this year when the Panthers don’t make the playoffs or lose in the first round again.

Quarterbacks:

Jason Campbell: Washington Redskins

I think the Jason Campbell experiment is just about over. For all his athleticism he’ll never be a good QB in the league. The Redskins severely overpaid to get the 25th pick in the 2005 draft, giving up a 1st, 3rd and 4th round pick to acquire him. He had a good completion percentage last year but didn’t have the TD’s or yards to show for it and he couldn’t carry the team on his back during Clinton Portis’ annual end of season production halt. He’s a game manager and he’s efficient but he’s never going to be a great QB. Though he’d be a good backup somewhere.

Matt Hasselback : Seattle Seahawks

It’s time for Seattle to find a QB of the future and fast. This guy is more injury prone than a elderly hypochondriac living in a run down nursing home. He’s good when healthy but he hasn’t been healthy since their Super Bowl run and Matt’s age is starting to catch up with his prematurely receding hairline.

Jake Delhomme: Carolina Panthers

He’s been serviceable for years and a leader on the field but are the Panthers ever going to win a Championship with this guy. The expectations are usually high for this team and even with a great ground game and great defense he’s never going to get it done. This guy could fuck up a wet dream.

Ownership:

Al Davis: Oakland Raiders

Al needs to go away and I think most of Oakland wishes this would happen. He needs to retire and hand the keys off to someone who isn’t senile. The drafts have been putrid and you change coaches every year. You can’t win that way and it’s very evident. I’m not sure this guy could field a competitive Fantasy Football team let alone a real one.

Daniel Snyder: Washington Redskins

I’m actually fine with D. Snyder captaining that ship down in Washington because the Eagles play them twice a year. Keep spending a kabillion dollars on free-agents that don’t pan out and let down some the best fans in the NFL on an annual basis. The only way this can be fixed is if Snyder takes a back seat and gives total control over to a guy like Bill Cowher, Bill Parcells, Mike Shannahan or some other proven winner. I think his ego is too big for that though.

Everybody In The Front Office: Detroit Lions

It was a step in the right direction sending Matt Millen back to the broadcast booth but I hope they cleaned the rest of the house and not just the attic. It’s easy to pick on the Lions for their ineptitude but there’s a reason for that. Starting in 2003 they drafted Charles Rogers, Roy Williams, Kevin Jones and Mike Williams in the first round. All of these can be considered busts in one form or another and none are even on the Lions roster. In 2006 they finally drafted someone on the defensive side of the ball and then went right back to drafting Wr’s the next year with Calvin Johnson. Johnson may work out but 1 out of 4 ain’t is bad. Again in 2009 they took offensive players in Matthew Stafford and Brandon Pettigrew (TE) in the first round. It’s a wonder their defense is suspect, you can’t develop defensive players if you don’t draft any. Ernie Sims remains the only 1st round draft pick to be spent on a defensive side of the ball in the 2000’s.

September 25, 2009

Mackenzie Phillips Was Banging Her Dad

Credit: Kristin Barlowe; Yvonne Hemsey/Getty Images

By: Billy BeerSlugger

So news came out within the last couple days about how Mackenzie Phillips of 80’s Soap Opera fame and her father of 70’s band Momma’s and the Poppa’s were involved in an incestuous relationship for over ten years. She is going on Oprah to discuss the ordeal and has a book coming out shortly. The first thing that comes to my mind is why ugly ass Mackenzie Phillips and not her way better looking sister Chyna Phillips of early 90’s group Wilson Phillips. Only a truly sick and twisted individual would bang his less good looking daughter.

It’s kind of hilarious how things work in the publishing world. You have celebrities that do fucked up shit and then write a book about it. You have politician’s that do fucked up shit and write a book about it. You have regular people who do fucked up shit, get famous for doing the fucked up shit and then write a book about it. It’s a system that rewards bad behavior with book deals and the general public eats this stuff up like the last slice of pizza on a drunken Friday night after the bars close.

Oh, but don’t forget the talk show tour de’ sympathie and or shame while hawking the book. The absolute pinnacle of this charade being the Oprah show and the obligatory, “…how did that make you feel” question (queue Crocodile Tears!).

Seriously though, what does that say about the person that buys this book? You already know the jist, she was banging her dad for like 10 years. Or does this sick person want to know all the gross details like when it started, what positions they liked or if she came during sex. It’s like an incestuous romance novel but set in real life. I’m going to venture to guess that 98% of the people that buy this book are women who have deep seeded daddy issues and may actually be Jillin’ Off while reading the juicy parts.

I think this just proves that people will do absolutely anything for money. Banged your dad for 10 years, write a book about it. Started banging dudes and got caught while you were the governor, write a book about it. Sell a Senate seat to the highest bidder while Governor and get caught, write a book about it. Bet on Baseball while you’re a manager, get caught, deny it for 20 years then admit to it in a book you wrote about it.

Granted some stories are more compelling than others and while sex definitely sells in our culture you may have to cut off the book deal for people who bang their dad for 10 years and then want to make money off the story.

note: Jillin’ Off is a slang term for female masturbation.

I could have also used:

Hee-Haw with wrinkled Mee-Maw

Muffin Buffin’

Polishing the Pearl

Two Finger Taco Tango

Beat the Beaver

Riding the Unicycle

Play the Clitar

Double Clicking the Mouse

or Fucking Without Complications