Center City Restaurant Week

By: Billy BeerSlugger

You know this thing seems like a great idea in theory much like a lot of other ideas seem good in theory like Communism  or a Utopian society.  However, like a lot of these great ideas, when put into practice disappoint mightily.

I’m not saying that Center City Restaurant Week is a completely bad endeavor but I think on the whole you don’t get the full experience of the restaurant that you go to during that week.  The price is right $35 per person for a 3 course meal but the portions are usually much smaller than normal and there’s more of a rush to get you in and out during the predetermined seating times.   What you thought was going to be a great evening taking your significant other to a nice romantic dinner in center City for a few less bucks than you would normally spend turns into a quasi-diner experience.

You’ll see all the cheap “tourists” from the surrounding counties and Philly locals who would not normally dine in Center City strewn about the Center City Streets not knowing where they’re going.  Usually it a woman nagging their boyfriend/husband to Center City during this week with the pretense of, “You never take me anywhere”.

So here we are “tourists” in my city streets, “tourists” in restaurants and bars I frequent, smaller portions, rushed dining, inattentive service because there’s a billion people in the place and probably a pissed off server who just got $5 on a $115 check.

Trust me, I’ve worked a few Restaurant Weeks in my time and it is great in theory bad in practice.  Now that’s not to say you can’t have a good time of it.  You may be happy just hanging out eating and drinking in Philly and enjoying the ambiance and swankiness of a Steven Starr restaurant, if that’s the case so be it.  All I’m saying is wait an extra week, spend the extra $30 and get the real experience of the restaurant you want to go to because it’s not the same during  Tourist Restaurant Week.

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Anne Heche – The BeerSlugger Take

By: Billy BeerSlugger

So I didn’t actually see Anne Heche on Letterman when she bashed her ex-husband but I think it’s kind of funny.  As you’ll see in the video, she berates her ex-husband for essentially not doing anything with his life or being a Soccer coach or something.  Apparently he still wants her to hang out together with him and  or their child which I see as a mildly admirable thing to do but then again I wasn’t in the relationship and I have no idea what went on there.

I’m a little on the fence about Anne Heche, she was OK in a couple movies, then she started eating Ellen Degeneres’ box for awhile, then she went from vagitarian back to a hearty meat diet as evidenced by her marriage to the guy she’s talking about.  I’m going to guess she was on Letterman to promote Hung which is probably my favorite  show of the summer and hopefully keeps going.

Anyway, I don’t know who would go on national TV to say ill of the father of their child but apparently Anne had no problem doing it.  At the end of the video Letterman asks Anne what her ex-husband does and Heche replies something to the effect of going to the mailbox and open up checks that she sends him.

I always think it’s rather amusing when women have to pony up the palimony (the opposite of alimony).  A successful woman having to send the ex-husband checks instead of the of the husband having to send the ex-wife checks. Women are always so gung ho about “getting half” and getting “their money” that it seems ironic when it works the other way.

So Anne Heche plays a bitch ex-wife in the HBO series Hung and it seems she may be a bitch in real life as well but I think the moral of this story is to watch Thomas Jane as a gigolo and some brief female nudity during sex scenes.

Subjectivity On Infidelity

By: Billy BeerSlugger

Now there have been countless stories in the news about this guy cheating on his wife with that girl.  Stories of infidelity about politicians, sports stars, coaches, teachers, CEO’s and every other walk of life. Lately I’ve been following the Rick Pitino sex scandal from afar. All I know is that he admitted on cheating on his wife with a woman and she was allegedly trying to blackmail him.  But that’s neither here nor there.

You look at the lot of these cases whether in court or portrayed in the media and 99% of them paint the guy in a negative light.  Donald Trump, Frank Gifford, Peter Cook/Kristy Brinkley, Bill Clinton, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, Rudy Giuliani, Senator Larry Craig, Jim McGreevy, Eliot Spitzer, Hugh Grant, Jude Law, Usher, Kobe Bryant and the list goes on and on and on. I think one thing is for sure that men (and women) will continue to cheat on their significant others.

That being said, there’s two oddly peculiar cases surrounding cheating that women rarely scoff at. David Beckham and Brad Pitt are two people who (allegedly) cheated on their spouses yet received little to no harm to their careers because of it.  Brad Pitt broke it off with wife Jennifer Aniston to get with Angelina Jolie and David Beckham seems to have been in the news a couple of times for banging random girls.

I’m not sure if these two stars just have great PR teams and were able to quell the backlash or if women generally just did not care that these two guys cheated.  Not to say that the stories were not covered but not in the negativity and public outcry of say a Bill Clinton, Peter Cook or Eliot Spitzer.  Granted some of the political figures involved in sex scandals are makers of public policy and should be held to a higher standard but are not they all human.

Now I’m not advocating cheating or anything of the like, all I’m saying is that it’s weird that if you talk to a girl about Peter Cook who cheated on Kristie Brinkley most will say they hate the guy and think he’s an asshole for cheating on his wife but if you ask the ask the same girl about Brad Pitt they’ll say he’s the hottest man alive and leave out the part that he (allegedly) cheated on Jennifer Anniston.  Is Brad Pitt or David Beckham or any other so called “sexiest man alive” held to a lower standard on the fidelity part of their relationships than the rest of us mortal men?  Does being insanely hot get you a pass in some instances?  I know hot women get passes all the time but does this happen for men too?  I’ll bring this point up to women and some say they don’t care if he cheated that they still love Brad Pitt.

I’d like to hear some comments from men and women on this matter.  Given the same level of marital indiscretion from two men, one being average looking and the other being or Brad Pitt status, does the average looking one receive more heat than the really good looking one? From a mass media standpoint and from a woman’s opinion standpoint?

Breast Tattoo’s: Just Stop It

breast-tattoos-0708-lgBy: Billy BeerSlugger

I’ve been a fan of the female breast all my life.  From the time I was an infant to this very second, there has not been a day gone by that I have not thought about the abundant beauty that a woman’s opulent chubbies can bring.

It is in men’s DNA to find these womanly chest appendages appealing in nature. Large breasts are supposed to note a higher fertility rate and thus a reason why we men (as animals) are so attracted to them even subconsciously.

Now I’m all for art and it should be taught in schools and all that and I’m all for a womans right to do what they will with their bodies whether it’s abortion or prostitution.  However, do we really need to deface one of the greatest parts of the female body with a tattoo?

I’m not really anti-tattoo even though I myself probably will never get one but can’t women just stick to the tramp-stamp on the back or the shoulder tattoo?  I really don’t care where the tattoo is as long as it’s not on your breast.

The tattoo may seem like a great idea at the time but breasts do tend to sag as you get older.  That rose you got on your left breast may turn into a really really long-stem rose by the time you’re 40, and no one wants to see that.

I’m walking down Chestnut St. today getting lunch and I see a early to mid 30’s lady wearing business attire walking toward me and I’m checking her out then as I get closer she’s got the Eve paw print tattoo on both breasts and I am immediately turned off.  Just another example of perfectly good breasts being ruined by a naive 20 something trying to piss off her dad or trying to show some individuality.  Congratulations, you’ve succeeded in your efforts to look like a skank.

So this is my public service announcement for breast tattoo’s, just don’t do it.

Zach Galifinakis

By: Billy BeerSlugger

Zach Galifinakis has been on my radar for awhile, ever since the movie Out Cold though I’m a real fan of his deadpan standup routines with or without the piano.  He has a penchant for audience interaction and a really unorthodox routine but I think it’s part of his uniqueness that makes him funny.  You may have seen him in The Hangover which was pretty much the best roadtrip/bachelor party movie ever.

I wish I could spout out some more bullshit to blow your skirt up about this guy but I and get you to Youtube like 20 video’s to laugh your ass of to but I’ll give you one and you can take it from there.

You’re a Douche Bag: There’s an App for That!

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Hey everyone, look how much of a d-bag I can be!

By: Billy BeerSlugger

There are some people who just went absolutely crazy for the iPhone when it came out, waiting in line and camping out at Apple Stores like they were releasing the newest installment of the Star Wars franchise.  I get some of the hype over the I Phone, from what I gather it’s one of the better Smart phones released to date and like many other smart phones it keeps you in touch with your email and microblogging apps like Twitter.

However, I feel like it’s a real shame to waste all that shiny new motion sensing, finger sliding, file sharing technology on various degrees of douchebaggery.  It’s not particularly the iPhone I have a problem but the kind of hop-on-the-bandwagon, non trendsetting, generally generic jerk off that i see abusing the technology at bars and other functions.

There’s something about a guy at a bar fake chugging a beer from his iPhone Carling iPint App or two douchebag iPhone buddies simulating light saber fighting with that App that makes me want to grab these grand trinkets of technology and super smash them on the floor, finishing with a Jim Belushi “Sorry” from Animal House.

Seriously, there’s already enough ways that technology is moving human interaction more toward the digital/internet side, we don’t need the topic of conversation at the bar to be what you can do on your iPhone or the iFart or SimStapler Apps you just downloaded.  What ever happened to good old conversation about shit that matters; shit that doesn’t involve your iPhone or iApps because guess what, I don’t give a fuck what bullshit you can pull of besides making a phone call. It just makes you look like a retard for substituting activities and conversation with your iPhone rather than general human interaction.

Here’s my latest and greatest invention, the new iFuck App.  It’s an application which allows promiscuous Men and Women to make sexual advances via a fingerswipe at the bar.  One finger flick and your Fake Name, phone number and a picture of your genitals are sent over to that girl you’ve got your eyes on across the bar.  She can either accept your invitation to go home and iFuck you or deny your invitation which takes the embarrassment of actually having to walk up to a girl to and have a conversation before getting shot down. I think it will be bigger than the CowToss App.

But seriously, I saw a Spiderman movie once and some old guy said with great power comes great responsibility.  Don’t be a d-bag and use your powerful iPhone to drink fake beer, make fart noises or fake staple something, be responsible and stick to productivity enhancing Apps.

BTW: I can down a pint of real beer faster than you can drink your iPint. How do you like those iApples fucko?

Gluten Free Beer

beerBy: Billy BeerSlugger

Well I’m not sure how this will effect me but I’m glad suffers of Celiacs disease, which causes inflamation in the small intestine and ultimately interferes with nutrient absorption, can get drunk again without worrying about chronic diarrhea, arthritis, bone loss and a host of other symptoms.

The Federal Alcohol Administration Act of 1935’s definition of beer, which was a beverage brewed from malted barley and other grains needed to be modified and Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, which regulates the labeling of beer, wine and spirits, handed off regulation of said cold, sudsy brews to the Food and Drug Administration.

I lost as to where the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms fits into this as it seems there’s a whole lot of regulation from a whole bunch of Bureaus and Administrations. I’m sure everything’s cool though, I mean it’s the FDA’s jursidiction now and they never get anything wrong.

I’ve worked in restaurants and have met many people with a Gluten allergy or Celiacs or whatever you want to call it but I always thought this was more food related than anything.  I wasn’t aware that it could effect what beer if any that they could drink.  Luckily there was wine and liquor for those persons to get drunk on previous to this Gluten free beer revolution but in some instances there’s just no replacing a beer.  Like after mowing the lawn, at a BBQ or doing any sort of man work that requires you to be active and sweaty for extended periods of time and usually includes trips to Home Depot.

Anyway, if you have a Gluten allergy, Congratulations!  Fear no more my friend, drink to your fill and be merry.

Con (Vick)

vickBy: Bones

Michael Vick is one of, if not the most, polarizing figure in the history of American sports. His mercurial skills, horrendous crimes, and incarceration at the apex of his career have made, and continue to make, a story that is hard to resist. The facts themselves are juicy enough to invoke rabid supporters and detractors, but the internet age has allowed the public to be continuously inundated from all angles. The facts, or what pass as facts, have been endlessly reported, twisted and glossed over in so many ways and for so many different people’s purposes that it is really hard for anyone to see through all the muck and make a truly informed decision about how they feel about Mike Vick.

On the surface, Vick’s story has grown so large for an obvious reason: he was (and still could be) a premier player in the country’s most popular athletic organization. The NFL has its own channel, unprecedented revenues, a fanatical fan base, and unending coverage on ESPN, even during the offseason- even the smallest non-stories tend to get blown out of proportion. But the Vick situation goes much deeper than the fact that he throws a ball for a living- it is a case study in multiple social aspects of American society- race and tolerance, the way we treat convicts, and the many ways others can profit from the downfall of another. In my opinion, the results of this case study to date have been disappointing.

Michael Vick financed, committed, and conspired to commit multiple vicious crimes related to dog fighting. There is no argument, in public or with me, that the crimes he admitted to committing were horrendously cruel to animals. Vick himself has admitted as much. In a lot of ways, the fact that he pled guilty to his crimes, and that the details are so well known, has made his detractors more numerous and more unified. The majority of criminals to some degree maintain their innocence, because that is the natural thing to do for anyone, and no one wants to go to jail voluntarily- which usually is the consequence of admitting guilt. But the result of denying guilt is the remaining shadow of a doubt, even after a conviction, that someone who says they are innocent just might be; it presents the situation where one must take sides- who to believe, the defendant or the plaintiff? The evidence or the words? In America, when a person admits guilt, it triggers the instinct of the public to pile on and condemn a person so early on in the process that the opportunity for redemption is has been closed off- there is only one side to take when a man admits he’s guilty. I suspect that there are a decent number of people in this country who condemn Vick coming back because that is a sentiment that doesn’t need an explanation, whereas defending the man’s right to a second chance, forgiving him for his crimes, or recognizing that he has paid his debt to society needs to be defended somehow. And that’s the problem- it should be the other way around.

So why is it so hard for the public to forgive and forget? The answer is complex, for sure. I mean, why should anyone when the personal and professional benefits of condemning him are so great? PETA is an organization whose cause is inherently a good one- the protection of animals from the cruelty of humans. Obviously they had the right to speak out against Vick during his indictment, trial and incarceration. After all, he was a violator of their cause and what they believe in. But now that he has paid his debt to society, has said publicly he will be an advocate of animals rights and will be active in the community to further PETA’s cause, you would think that it would be beneficial for the organization to embrace a reformed, high profile athlete who is invested in its cause. Unfortunately, based on their track record of notorious smear campaigns, protests, and criminal acts, they won’t. They will continue to condemn him for years to come in very public ways because that is the best way to gain attention for themselves. I see PETA’s publicity stunts as very selfish in that they have their own interest in mind, putting animal rights in front of Vick’s rights to a second chance. The provocative headlines in Philly’s newspapers this morning are another example of benefitting from condemnation. The major papers in this city screamed negative headlines because thats the way to sell papers. The idea of condemning Vick, and the headlines and op-eds that go with it, cater to the vocal portion of the city that disagree with the decision, and are much more profitable than headlines that read ‘Good Job’. Those are pretty general reasons, but in Vick’s case I think it has to do with two other issues- his race and the type of crime he committed. Lets start with the latter: animals have a soft spot in Americans hearts- the crimes he committed inspire a very emotional reaction to those who have pets or who love animals. They view his crimes as an abuse of a human’s responsibility to nurture and care for domesticated animals, and that is true. Vick himself used the animals for his own personal pleasure and monetary gain with no regard for their welfare. But his crimes pale in comparison to crimes committed by others, crimes committed against humans. Yet, he’s being treated as if he murdered or raped someone. He didn’t. He is not a danger to those around him, or a danger to the community. The race issue is more complicated, and more subtle, maybe even subconscious. This country is long past the point of outward hate towards African Americans (except in Mississippi); the civil rights movement was 40 years ago. But there is still a definite undercurrent of people who do not show African Americans the same tolerance that they would afford a Caucasian. It’s accepted socially to be tolerant of all races and sexualities now, but individuals still, and perhaps always will, harbor personal biases based on race. Its been that way for thousands of years- people of different races disliked people of other races just because they were different. However, for the majority of history racial hate was based on the fact that nothing was known about the other race, or other civilization.In today’s sociaety, people of different races live side by side, and in this information age, it is possible to learn and be tolerant of other races much easier than it used to be. Yet the hate is still there, bubbling under the surface, which is a shame. I can’t help but wonder what the climate for Vick would be if he were white guy from Iowa. It certainly wouldn’t be great, but I think it would be a little less harsh in that more people would be willing to give him a second chance.

So what about that second chance? Doesn’t he deserve one? His job was an NFL quarterback before any of this happened, so why can’t that be his job anymore? If he were a trashman, or an accountant, or a doctor, he would be allowed to continue his life working at his profession. I don’t by Roger Goodell’s stance that playing in the NFL is a ‘privilege’. It’s his job, and it’s his right. His crime has nothing to do with his job performance. He should be a shining example of the American judiciary system and public working together to reform criminals. That is, after all, the entire point of the prison system. Except in extreme cases, the idea is to reform criminals and turn them into productive members of society upon release. Why is it so hard to believe that it may have worked in Vick’s case? I watched the press conferences, and the man seemed truly and remarkably remorseful, humble, and changed. I heard some yahoo on talk radio this morning yapping about how Vick hasn’t earned his second chance, how he hasn’t proven worthy yet. What do you want the man to do? Go door to door and do the river dance for you? He deserves a second chance, no questions asked.

Obviously, the Eagles didn’t sign Vick as a charitable donation. They want to see the guy who wowed everyone a few years back, and it’s quite possible that it will happen; he’s only 29. But at the end of the day, the Eagles are taking a chance that he will disrupt their image, practice, games, fan base, etc. just by association. The brass knows it’s coming: the intense media scrutiny, protests… But there are potential benefits off the field too; if he walks the walk and is proactive in the community the way he says he will be, it could turn out to be a great thing for the Birds. Regardless, someone needed to give the guy a second shot at his life. I, personally, am proud that my hometown team has the guts, compassion, and stability to overlook the inevitable immediate reaction and give Michael Vick the shot he deserves. Good luck, Mike Vick. I hope you succeed, even if it’s not on the field for the Birds.

Automatically Flushing Toilets

auto flush toiletBy: Billy BeerSlugger

You know I’m a fan of a lot of the new technology that has come out in the last couple years. I’ve applauded the likes of such bathroom innovations as the auto-sensing sink faucet and even the auto-flushing urinal.  We’ve had motion sensing technology for awhile but it always takes a while to make it’s way into mainstream use.

One bathroom fixture I’m not particularly fond of is the auto-flushing toilet.  Call me crazy or gross or whatever, I kinda want to know whats going on when I get up from the toilet.  I want to bask in the glory of what I just birthed and see if there’s anything in there that’s not supposed to be or that I don’t remember eating.  Now with the automatic toilet, you don’t have this luxury.  As soon as you get off the toilet… WOOOOSSSSSHHHHH!, and it’s all gone. Plus the toilet may flush again inadvertently while your pulling your pants up or whatever other motion you may make which wastes water.

I don’t see why we couldn’t have just stayed with the old use your foot to flush the toilet technique in public and office building bathrooms.  There’s some instances where new technology doesn’t necessarily mean an improvement of experience and this I believe is one of those cases.

Again I’m fine with the motion sensing sinks (for the most part) as well as the motion sensing urinals, I don’t have to use my hands and get nasty public bathroom germs on them, this is a good thing.

Another thing I wish more public bathrooms would have is the trashcan by the door.  If you don’t have the trashcan by the door I’m throwing the paper towel on the floor near the door because I usually use this to open the door.  If you think about it, pulling the bathroom door handle after washing your hands is essentially defeating the purpose.  You wash your hands to get rid of germs but then reacquire them when you touch the door handle.  In a perfect world we could use the honor system and believe that everyone washes their hands after using the lavatory but we don’t live in a perfect world.

A solution to not throwing the paper towel by the door is waiting for someone else to open the door or (again in a perfect world) all public bathroom doors would open out so as you would only need to push the door open (preferably with a sleeve covered forearm).

If you are someone who plans buildings or are custodian of a public bathroom, please heed these suggestions and I will stop throwing paper towels on the floor by the door.

Quote of the Week 8-10-2009

Special Correspondent B-Mac

Wayne Terwilliger, 84, has been in baseball for more than 60 years and is still going strong as a coach for the Fort Worth Cats of the independent Central League.

Asked for the secrt to his continued vitality, his response was short and to the point. “I eat a lot of bananas for potassium and drink Budweiser Light,” he told the St. Paul Pioneer-Press. “That’s the answer.