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Stuff Guys Shouldn’t Do: Small Dogs

toy-poodle
How do you reprimand this dog after it pisses in your living room?

By: Billy BeerSlugger

Yes dogs are awesome. Yes they are way better than cats in every facet of their existence. Yes dogs need adequate space and exercise to thrive.  One thing I never understood about when people choose a dog is it’s cuteness over it’s size, capabilities and intelligence.  I for one am a proponent for meshing the three together to get the best fit for yourself. If you are a man you don’t choose a dog because it’s “super cute” you choose it because it’s smart and can provide you with not only companionship but security. No you don’t have a Pit Bull to have security but you want a dog that isn’t lazy enough to not care if it hears the door open at an odd hour of the night and maybe bite the shit out of a person coming in that late who it doesn’t know.

Personally I’m a fan of bigger dogs 50lbs and up. Why?

  1. Because if they do something wrong like shit on the carpet you can give them a really good whack without worrying about killing them.
  2. Because as fun as it is to play around with a little ankle biter dog, you can really play around with a bigger dog and get physical and they like it as opposed to run away.
  3. Because of the intimidation factor. If neighbors and would be robbers see a big dog in a house they will certainly think twice about trying to break in.
  4. Because exercising a high energy dog, bigger dog is fun.

If you can find a high energy big dog that is smart and obedient you are in good fortune. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t find a smaller breed of dog that isn’t a wimp and you can have a lot of fun with. There’s a bunch of really smart, high energy smaller dogs out there and the Jack Russell Terrier comes to mind instantly.

However, if you are a man and do not enjoy being anally penetrated you should probably stay away from a dog that you carry around in a bag.

Also, here’s a list of dogs that men should not own (unless inherited from a live in girlfriend or wife):

  • Maltese
  • Pomeranian
  • Chihuahua
  • Shih Tzu
  • Miniature Poodle
  • Chinese Crested

There’s more but I don’t have time to list them. Just know that a man should never own a dog that has “toy” in the front of it’s breed name and that if you must get a small dog, get a smart and active one.