We've got issues…
Demetri Martin’s got jokes. He does jokes on musical instruments and he does them with a “Huge Pad” and his drawings. Now I guess he’s going to do some sketches as well. He’s got a new Comedy Central show coming out soon.
He uses a dry delivery much like Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright. He apparently used to write for Conan. He’s got a signature mop top that was probably really cool in 1970.
I’ll give this show a go and let you know.
Is it just me or does anyone else wants to bang the progressive.com chick. She’s so pasty white and it’s even more contrasted by the lipstick. Caked up eye make up straight out of the 60’s. Reminds you of a girl that you used to sit behind in 3rd grade and used to pull her hair, but all growns up. She seems kind of unstable like if she didn’t take her med’s she’d snap at any second.
Her name in the commercials is Flo which makes her all that more appealing because I’ve never banged a girl named Flo. Flo is a hard name to come by though there is a waitress by the name of Flo (which I ask for by name) at the local Denny’s we frequesnt after the bars close.
Still I can’t figure out why i want to bang this chick so bad. She’s really bubbly and happy and I hate that. I just want to bend her over that checkout stand and grudge fuck her.
Is that weird? I wonder if I could get the Geico Gecko involved in this somehow. Oh I gotta go I just found my masturbation scenario for today.
Women I am guessing have been faking Orgasms since the beginning of time or at least the beginning of the Male Ego. You may be reading this right now and saying, “No way my girlfriend/wife has faked an orgasm with me.” Well sir, you are not only wrong but you also have a communication gap in your relationship.
Anyway, this article is not about women faking orgasm’s, it’s about men faking orgasms. I think most women would agree that it’s pretty disappointing when, while having sex with their partner, the man reaches climax too early. As a men, one of our biggest fears is coming too soon. Nobody wants to be labeled a pre-mature ejaculator. It hurts the ego and your street cred. Girls do talk about this stuff and you would probably be the last to know if you hadn’t already gathered that she was less than enthused by your performance.
Getting to the point, there are various things men do to prolong their experience. One of the more glaring one’s is using a condom (which you should be doing anyway in about 99.9% of cases). Putting the love glove on definitely decreases sensitivity but is not an all encompassing solution. I’ve seen some over the counter gel desensitizers at CVS and Rite Aid, I guess that’s another way to get a longer bang out of your wang. Stuff is akin to Novacane for your penis while still allowing it to be erect.
Beerslugger.com endorses what we think is the most most effective way of lasting longer, which is just getting stinking drunk. It’s a fine line though. You don’t want to get so drunk that you can’t get it up. That’s categorically worse than being a premature ejaculator. You essentially want to be drunk enough to get it up and keep it up without having to worry about coming. Like I said it’s a fine line but once you gauge your alcohol tolerance you should know your limits.
It is at this point you can bang at will for as long as your stamina will allow and preferably until after she comes (plural) or at least fakes her orgasm. At some point though, you will either want to:
a) Come
b) Pretend you came because you can’t come or are too tired
c) Just stop altogether because you can’t come or are too tired
Pretending to come would essentially be mimicking your own body movements and audible tendencies without an actual release. It makes no sense to just stop (without faking it) because the girl will obviously ask what is wrong, then probably in some way blame herself or you. Try to make that first time special by allowing her to assume everything at least went well on you’re end.
This is obviously a situation in which you just start seeing a girl and wish her to be impressed by your sexual prowess because you want to keep her around for more than one night. First impressions are important and first sexual encounters are just as important. Sometimes you may need to sacrifice some instant gratification (coming) for more long term success.
Of course if you’re not really interested in seeing the girl again you could probably get equally as drunk and come whenever you want but that’s not in the scope of this article.
I got pretty drunk last night. Happy hour turned into a 5 hour booze fest. However, I was home in time to eat some leftovers and catch the end of Conan Obrien’s last show as Late Night host before he moves to Los Angeles and a The Tonight Show respectively.
Like I said I didn’t see the whole show but I did see the end where Conan thanked a bunch of people including Lorne Michaels of SNL for taking a guy “with no television experience and bad skin” and giving him a show, Jay Leno who he said would “continue to be his lead in”, but the thing that stuck with me the most was the praise he gave to Dave Letterman who “invented this late-night show… it all started with David Letterman”. Conan’s voice cracked a little while promising to “never grow up” moving to The Tonight Show.
Andy Richter (Conan’s old side kick) was on the show, so apparently was Will Ferrell doing a W. impression.
Not sure how long this link will work but here is the link to view the last show HERE!!!
To tell you the truth I’ve been watching a lot more of Craig Ferguson lately but this episode reminded me of how good Conan can be. It was filled with clips of previous shows. Pretty Hilarious!
Now I’ll have to choose between Conan and Letterman after completely ignoring Jay Leno for his entire tenure.
Obviously we wish Conan the best. Not sure how Jimmy Fallon will fill the shoes but I’m glad it’s not Carson Daly.
“We live in a cynical, cynical world” Jerry Maguire
Am I surprised? Hell NO! Nothing about major league baseball surprises me or gets a rise out of me anymore. I am so use to the allegations and cheaters in the game that I did not pay much attention to the travesty that unfolded this week. The quote I did catch was when Alex Rodriguez (we will refer to his full name, he no longer deserves a nickname) said “I had the best year of my life when I was 20” and “I’ve played the best baseball of my career since (joining the New York Yankees)”
1996 – 2000 Seattle Averages
HR RBI AVG OBP KO
37 115 .314 .380 110
2001 – 2003 (Steroid Years) Texas Averages
HR RBI AVG OBP KO
52 132 .295 .388 127
2004 – 2008 New York Yankees
HR RBI AVG OBP KO
42 123 .303 .400 130
Sure his average and strike out numbers were down pre-roids but that is going to be the case when you have the power numbers you did from 2001 – 2003. However I will let you decide for yourself.
I am loving Roy Oswalt’s take on this:
1. He thinks all the records for user’s should be erased.
2. He is pissed because these user’s have cost him money over the years. His stats are diminished which in turn reflects his paycheck
I leave you with one final question: Is what Pete Rose did so much worse than what Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, and Alex Rodriguez did?
Great quote from Bob in Cleveland:
What he did WAS against the law, and not just against the law of baseball but against the law of the United States !! That substance is and always was banned in this country. And he did not just break the law by taking it, he also broke the law by smuggling it into this country. The other part that really bothered me was how he was evasive to every question and when asked if he thought he cheated, he danced around it. That annoyed me.
I definitely understand the other side of it as well though. Let he who has not sinned throw the first stone.
Finally tell me this, how do you try and charge Michael Phelps for pot smoking and not try and charge A-rod?
I really never go for the Diet Soda. It tastes terrible and not that it makes me sick, it just doesnt sit right in my stomach. If I’m going to get a soda it’s going to be the real thing, Sugar and All.
Over the last couple of years I had heard some negative things about artificial sweeteners but never really thought anything about it because I never drank them.
Then I came across some information on the interweb that confirms some suspicions I’ve had about artificial sweeteners.
“A 2005 study by the University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio showed that, rather than promoting weight loss, the use of diet drinks was a marker for increasing weight gain and obesity. Those that consumed diet soda were more likely to gain weight than those that consumed naturally-sweetened soda. Sharon P. Fowler, MPH, who conducted the study, posited that it is not the diet drinks but something associated with their use that is linked to weight gain, perhaps simply that use of diet drinks increased as a person noticed that he or she was gaining weight. Fowler also speculated that perhaps giving the body the “taste” of energy-rich foods triggers a search for the real thing, or, as nutrition expert Leslie Bonci, MPH, RD, put it, “People think they can just fool the body. But maybe the body isn’t fooled. If you are not giving your body that food energy you promised it, maybe your body will retaliate by wanting more energy.”” (From Wikipedia)
“Artificial sugars are worse than normal sugars because they fool the brain into thinking you just ate some sugar. When you eat artificial sweeteners, the brain sends out chemicals to combat the sugar the way it usually does. But it can’t find the sugar in the body because you didn’t really eat it. So the brain sends off another chemical that tells the body to create a craving. The body has all the chemicals to fight sugar but no sugar to fight, so you start craving carbohydrates, which will metabolize into sugar, so you will feel satisfied. People who drink diet sodas find it very difficult to lose weight, because the false sugar stimulates cravings, which causes them to eat more.”
So the benefits of drinking diet soda or using artificial sweeteners in your coffee (0 or very low calories) are essentially negated by a carb craving it induces after ingested. People use these products as substitutes to regular sugar and end up wanting to eat more. It’s a vicious cycle.
I guess the moral of the story is that you really shouldn’t have too much of either regular sugar or artificial sweeteners but I’ll stick with the real sugar.
This also calls into question some of the light beers I occasionally am handed at a bar or pull out of a cooler at a BBQ. I happen to hate Miller Lite. Can’t tell you how much I hate it. Never really had a problem with Michelob Ultra and never had MGD 64, however, does this same principal apply to these light beers. Are we sacrificing some carbohydrates in the beer and end up getting hosed some other way? The research continues….
We here at Beerslugger.com are not in the business of promoting people, however, Austin Stevens is just FANTASTIC!!! After watching a couple of his specials on Animal Planet we were amazed at what this guy does and his enthusiasm. While Steve Irwin was a great Adventurer this guy takes the cake.
More info from him at Wikipedia, “In an effort to generate funds and public interest in the plight of African gorillas, Austin set a record by spending 107 days and nights in a cage with 36 of the most venomous and dangerous snakes in Africa. On the 96th day, he was bitten by a cobra, but to many people’s amazement he refused to leave the cage and was instead treated in the cage. Although he was very sick at that time, Austin completed the 107 days and beat the existing Guinness World Record (documented in the Guinness Book of Animal Records).”
In the video below he pets a wild King cobra on the Head! Seriously. One of the more entertaining things we’ve encountered in a while.
Network neutrality (equivalently net neutrality, Internet neutrality) is a principle proposed for residential broadband networks and potentially for all networks. A neutral broadband network is one that is free of restrictions on content, sites, or platforms, on the kinds of equipment that may be attached, and on the modes of communication allowed, as well as one where communication is not unreasonably degraded by other communication streams. (From Wikipedia)
Essentially the issue is whether or not the IPS’s should be able to restrict traffic or bandwidth based on the type of data or website or the ability of ISP’s to effectively censor or prefer certain websites/data over others.
Comcast as I have read has been “throttling” bit torrent traffic for some time now. Not getting rid of Bit Torrent traffic but slowing it down greatly. (The discussion on Bit Torrent whether used legally or illegally is for another day).
From a business standpoint, it makes sense for these Companies like Comcast to try and make as much money off their product as possible (Internet Connection/Bandwith). After all this is a free market and those CEO’s are paid to make money for their companies. It’s a no brainer for the Service providers to try to exploit it. Just like Corporations did to Radio and Television.
However, this is the internet. And we at Beerslugger.com support Net Neutrality. We want our site to be treated just the same as MSN.com or Google or any one of the millions of Porn sites out there. We don’t want our news/content to be censored or unavailable should an ISP (Corporate America) deem it so.
The internet is a place of freedom essential to our modern way of life. Don’t take it for granted and don’t let it go away.
Visit http://www.savetheinternet.com for more details.
Had about 6 of these this past Sunday for brunch along with Lobster Mac n’ Cheese and some good conversation.
I was officially lit up at 5pm and in bed by 7.
From the website:
“This intensely dark Kulmbacher style lager has a superb malt complexity with the distinctive flavors and aromas of coffee, caramel and chocolate. A renowned smoothness and a creamy, tan head make it a world champion.”
Beer Facts:
Alcohol by Volume: 5.86%
Degrees Plato (Initial Gravity): 15P
Weeks Aged: 8
Bitterness Units: 32 IBU
Year First Brewed: 1985
Recommended Serving Temperature: 60°
Malts: 2-Row Pale, Black Patent, Caramel, Chocolate, Pale
Hops: Cascade, Chinook, Mt. Hood, Tettnanger
Sizes: 1/4 and 1/2 Barrels, 16oz Bottles
After signing a 3 year $31.5 million deal with the Phillies in the off season, I offer the question was it worth it?
How much longer can Raul Ibanez keep up the 100 RBI pace? He is turning 37 this year and for most people not named Barry Bonds or juicing this is the down side of their careers. I know Ibanez has posted good batting averages over the course of his 13 years, but this has been in non-pressure situations and for teams battling for last place. Ibanez has made the playoffs twice – 1997 where he had 26 At Bats, and once again in 2000 where he had 140 At Bats and hit .228.
How will Raul Ibanez react to facing left handed specialists every night? In Seattle, Ibanez did not have to deal with being “the man” but that pressure to perform is on Ibanez since he signed his multi-million dollar contract. Hey, I am the first one to say I hope Raul Ibanez has a career year, but I don’t see it happening. I believe the Phils got to excited and jumped the gun on the market.
Milton Bradley, Rangers/Cubs, 3 years, $30 million
Adam Dunn, Diamondbacks/Nationals, 2 years, $20 million
Pat Burrell, Phillies/Rays, 2 years, $16 million
Juan Rivera, Angels/Angels, 3 years, $12.75 million
Bobby Abreu, Yankees/Angels, 1 year, $6 million
(per David Murphy of the Philadelphia Daily News)
I really can’t believe Raul Ibanez is making the most money on this list. He has averaged 105 strike outs a year for the last 4 years. Not to mention his OBP is .30 points less than Pat Burrell’s over the last 5 years.
Listen I am not going to sit here and criticize the Phils. We won the freakin’ World Series! But I just don’t know if this was the right move.