Mackenzie Phillips Was Banging Her Dad

By: Billy BeerSlugger

So news came out within the last couple days about how Mackenzie Phillips of 80’s Soap Opera fame and her father of 70’s band Momma’s and the Poppa’s were involved in an incestuous relationship for over ten years. She is going on Oprah to discuss the ordeal and has a book coming out shortly.  The first thing that comes to my mind is why ugly ass Mackenzie Phillips and not her way better looking sister Chyna Phillips of early 90’s group Wilson Phillips.  Only a truly sick and twisted individual would bang his less good looking daughter.

It’s kind of hilarious how things work in the publishing world. You have celebrities that do fucked up shit and then write a book about it. You have politician’s that do fucked up shit and write a book about it. You have regular people who do fucked up shit, get famous for doing the fucked up shit and then write a book about it. It’s a system that rewards bad behavior with book deals and the general public eats this stuff up like the last slice of pizza on a drunken Friday night after the bars close.

Oh, but don’t forget the talk show tour de’ sympathie and or shame while hawking the book. The absolute pinnacle of this charade being the Oprah show and the obligatory, “…how did that make you feel” question (queue Crocodile Tears!).

Seriously though, what does that say about the person that buys this book?  You already know the jist, she was banging her dad for like 10 years.  Or does this sick person want to know all the gross details like when it started, what positions they liked or if she came during sex. It’s like an incestuous romance novel but set in real life. I’m going to venture to guess that 98% of the people that buy this book are women who have deep seeded daddy issues and may actually be Jillin’ Off while reading the juicy parts.

I think this just proves that people will do absolutely anything for money.  Banged your dad for 10 years, write a book about it.  Started banging dudes and got caught while you were the governor, write a book about it. Sell a Senate seat to the highest bidder while Governor and get caught, write a book about it. Bet on Baseball while you’re a manager, get caught, deny it for 20 years then admit to it in a book you wrote about it.

Granted some stories are more compelling than others and while sex definitely sells in our culture you may have to cut off the book deal for people who bang their dad for 10 years and then want to make money off the story.

note: Jillin’ Off is a slang term for female masturbation.

I could have also used:

Hee-Haw with wrinkled Mee-Maw

Muffin Buffin’

Polishing the Pearl

Two Finger Taco Tango

Beat the Beaver

Riding the Unicycle

Play the Clitar

Double Clicking the Mouse

or Fucking Without Complications