New Jersey Correspondent: Dom Richezza
So I’m at the bar Saturday night in Old City, decked out in my favorite Ed Hardy t-shirt, my John Deere trucker hat (straight brim and tilted to the side), my gold chains, got my Sean John jean shorts on and of course my limited edition Evel Knievel Nike’s.
The broads at the bar are ok, nothing I can’t get for a price at the massage parlor and probably a lot more of a hassle. So I get a round of beers and start the reconnaissance mission to spot the cuties. I’m upstairs, I’m downstairs I check out the bathroom scene. I settle in on the first floor and see a group of baby girls and the one of them is kinda eying me up. She’ll look over, ill notice, then shell look away and giggle with her friends.
After I get another beer I get tired of sitting on the fence waiting for something to happen so I just go over there. Start talking up the one broad that was giving me the eyes but I wasn’t really sure if she was feeling it. My mind was a little cloudy at this point anyway from the Jager and the blunt we smoked on the ride over the bridge.
Tried to get the whole group of girls in a little parle but that didn’t seem like it was working either. At this point I’m like fuck it, I start talking to the original girl off to the side and ask her what was up. I’m telling her I came over to talk to her because she was giving me the eyes and she denies it. Like I didn’t see her give me the “I wanna fuck you eyes from across the bar” and then start laughing.
Finally, I’m like whatever honey, you wanna play hard to get, I’m too good for you anyway and started to walk away. Then this broad starts spouting off about my outfit and Ed hardy sucks and trucker hats went out 3 years ago, my shoes are ridiculous and my friends look like they should be on Growing Up Gotti with the haircuts. So I go right back at her telling her my shoes cost more than her whole skank outfit, that the trucker hat let my head breathe in the heat and that i’d rather have this Ed Hardy shirt than a blow job from her. Bitch was dumbfounded, didn’t know what to say, kinda walked away in a huff and a puff with her hoity toity ass. I know she still wanted me.
I mean seriously, my shoes are limited edition and the design on the Ed Hardy shirt I love so much I’m getting it tattooed on my torso sometime after the rims on my Cutlas are paid off.
So of course this girl completely took me off my game and subsequent attempts to entertain some baby girls failed. She got me all flustered. So I grab my boys and we head back to the car.
Were walking somewhere on Delaware Ave to the parking lot and see some douche bag and this all right looking Betty he had beside him. Right then B starts hollerin’ at this broad and the douche bag really don’t like it. Starts getting in B’s face and then Jimmy just sucker punches the dude and he’s down in a HEAP!
So you got the douchebag laid out on the street, his bitch is crying her eyes out telling me to stop kicking him and Jimmy is bitching and complaining that he thinks he just broke his hand, which later we found out that he did.
Meanwhile, were on the Ben Franklin bridge and B gets pulled over for speeding or some shit. Motherfucker gets arrested for dui, cop finds the blunt roach in the ash tray and Jimmy almost got caught with a perk 30 but swallowed it as soon as the cop told B to get out of the car.
Man I aint had a night this fun since everyone took Ecstasy in Danny Avelos backyard and we ended up getting chased by the cops naked down the streets of Maple Shade after we broke into the swim club to go skinny dipping.
B won’t be driving for awhile though. I got him my lawyers number who handled my aggravated assault case. And Jimmy got a cast and were gonna get Sal to draw some Ed Hardy shit on there. Gonna look tight.
That’s all from Jersey, ill check back with you fag ass Philly guys after the next adventure.
Peace
Dom