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Sloppy Joe Taquitos

taquitosBy: Billy BeerSlugger

So I came home completely butt fuck wasted from a company Christmas party this week and I was in “Eat Everything in the Fridge” mode when I realized there really wasn’t much in the fridge. A sober person can have the patience to defrost any poultry, meat, pork or fish product in the freezer but a wasted person needs the instant gratification of something/anything edible in the stomach.

Suddenly I spot couple day old Sloppy Joe leftovers in a Tupperware container hiding stealthily behind a gallon milk jug.  Awesome find! However, to my dismay, I open the bread drawer and there’s absolutely zero piece of edible bread. Stale/hard bread, green moldy bread but nothing I could throw my heated up Sloppy Joe sustenance on and demolish in record time.

Enter the next great find of the night, Soft Tortilla Wraps!  Combining the two made complete drunken sense. Sloppy Joe Taquitos is something I had never heard of or seen before but desperate drunken times require desperate measures.  Being a veteran of drunken food runs to 7-11 in my collegiate years at a North Philadelphia University, I knew a Taquito type food delivery device for my Sloppy Joe would satisfy my craving for not only protein but carbohydrates as well. I am not sure I have been more pleasantly surprised by an ad-hoc combination of food while in a severely inebriated state.

Sloppy Joe Taquitos are fucking delicious, plain and simple. Why wouldn’t they be?

The logic is right there. Sloppy Joe’s are delicious by itself even with no bread. Add bread and they get even better.

You can substitute bread in pretty much any sandwich situation with a Tortilla to make it a Wrap without really sacrificing much in terms of taste. In this case, using  properties of mathematics I learned in High School,

If (Sandwich – Bread) + Tortilla = Delicious so does (Sloppy Joe – Bread) + Tortilla = Delicious.

If you’ve got some sloppy joes lying around with no bread but have Tortilla’s, I’d highly combining the two. Though at this point I’d recommend using Tortilla’s as much as I would bread for Sloppy Joes.

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This Guy and That Guy’s Cooking Corner – Shrimp Scampi

Fucking Delicious
Fucking Delicious

Ingredients

• 1 pound penne pasta

• 1/4 cup olive oil

• 1 pound medium uncooked shrimp, peeled, and deveined

• 4 cloves garlic, minced

• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus extra for seasoning

• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, plus extra for seasoning

• 1 Cup Sun Dried Tomatoes cut in half

• 1/2 cup chopped fresh basil leaves

• 1/2 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

• 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

• 1 cup white wine (the rest can be given to Mrs. Wineslugger)

• 1/3 cup clam juice

• 3/4 cup heavy whipping cream

• 1/2 cup grated fresh Parmesan

Directions

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the pasta and cook until tender but still firm – el dente. Drain the pasta and set aside.

In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the shrimp, garlic, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and 1/2 teaspoon of pepper. Cook, stirring frequently until the shrimp turn pink and are cooked through, about 3 minutes. Remove the shrimp and set aside.

Add the sun dried tomatoes, 1/4 cup basil, 1/4 cup parsley, and the red pepper flakes. Cook for 2 minutes, stirring constantly. Add the wine, clam juice, and heavy cream. Bring the mixture to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium-low and simmer for 7 to 8 minutes until the sauce thickens. Add 1/4 cup of the Parmesan, the cooked shrimp, the cooked pasta, and the remaining herbs. Toss together until all ingredients are coated.

Transfer the pasta to a large serving bowl. Sprinkle with the remaining cheese and serve immediately.

Great date night idea. You can give your Wineslugger the rest of the wine which pairs perfectly with the meal and you can enjoy a nice summer ale (Sam Adams Summer or Sierra Nevada Summer) or a crisp refreshing beer such as a Warsteiner.

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This Guy and That Guy’s Cooking Corner – Italian Pork Chop

porkcutlet6Beerslugger is proud to dish out a new segment – This Guy and That Guy’s Cooking Corner. We are going to bring you recipes that:

1. Work

2. Great Food

3. Easy

4. No Bobby Flay gourmet shit – just straight man food and some things you can make for the mistress or slump buster you are banging.

This week we bring you the Italian Pork Chop.

Ingredients

– 4 Boneless Pork Chops

– Mozzarella Cheese

– Parmesan Cheese

– 2 Garlic Cloves

– Quarter of a Red Onion

– Quarter of a Red Pepper

– 1 Egg

– Bread Crumbs

– 1/2 Cup of Cherry Tomatoes halved

– Cup of Wine

– Red Pepper flakes

– Parsley

– Basil

– Olive Oil

– Salt and Pepper to Taste

Directions

Butterfly each of the boneless Pork Chops. Be careful to not separate the top from the bottom. Keep intact. Stuff your mozzarella cheese in between the pork and close. If you stuff them thick put 2 toothpicks in the pork to keep it closed. Salt and Pepper the pork. In a bowl crack and mix 1 egg. In another bowl pour the bread crumbs. In the third bowl grate your parmesan cheese. With each piece of pork dip into the cheese, then egg, then bread crumbs. Make sure you coat the pork with each ingredient. Heat olive oil and when it is hot put the pork in. Only flip the pork once it will need about 5 minutes per side or until golden brown. Remove the pork and put on a plate. Pour cup of wine into the pan to deglaze it. The wine will lift up all the brown bits (huge flavor) to be used in the sauce. Add garlic, onion, and red pepper and continue to cook on medium. Once the red pepper and onion are soft add in the tomatoes, red pepper flakes, parsley and basil. Drop the heat to low and let simmer for 3 minutes. Add the pork back in and cover for 3 minutes. Grate the rest of the parmesan cheese over the pork when you are serving it. I served this with a salad on the plate and did not need to use any dressing because the sauce was so good.

Good beers to pair this with would be lager style beers – Stella Artois, Pilsner Urquell, Sam Adams.

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Fastest Way to Get Beer Cold

full-coolerBy: Billy BeerSlugger

It’s an age old question, “What’s the fastest way to get your beer cold?”. Everyone’s been there.  You buy a case of beer from the distributor and it wasn’t cold or you need to chill that case in the basement that you couldn’t fit into the fridge.

What do you do?

If I’m at home and do not have access to a cooler or mounds of ice, I’m putting a six pack in the freezer and as many beers as I can fit in the fridge.  After about 20-25 minutes the beers in the freezer will be cold and you take from the freezer and replacing from the fridge.  You will have to do this for a good hour before the remaining beers in the fridge have cooled sufficiently.  You will also have to watch out for beers in the freezer so that they don’t actually freeze and explode.

The best way, as explained by the show Mythbusters on The Discovery Channel:

In a cooler, combine salt, water and ice and just add beer for ice cold beer in about 5 minutes.  The salt melts the ice and lowers the freezing point to 27 degrees.  The water provides the surface area coverage to chill the beer optimally.

In contrast, using just ice and water to chill the beer would take about 15 minutes to get the 36 degrees achieved by the ice, salt, water mix in 5 minutes.

Of course you could use a fire extinguisher to cool the beer and it would be cold in about 3 minutes, but as I always say, “Safety First”.  You may need that fire extinguisher after you get drunk.  There’s nothing worse than accidentally starting a fire when you’re drunk and the fire extinguisher being empty from you chilling the beer with it.

So using conventional means, filling your cooler with salt, water and ice is the optimal way to cool your beer the fastest.

If you didn’t already know this, Now you know…. And Knowing is Half the Battle.

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Drunk Food: Volcano Hamburger Helper

By: Billy BeerSlugger

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It would be better if this picture wasn't fuzzy

I consider myself a sort of Renaissance man.  Not only can I make a crappy website, do drywall, install ceiling fans and other Man stuff, I can also Cook and do my own Laundry.

On a previous post I promised to give you the recipe for my Macaroni & Cheese, Ground Beef concoction.

So here’s what you need:

1) A box of Macaroni & Cheese. I use the White Cheddar kind.  You will also need the things necessary to make Macaroni & Cheese like Milk and Butter.

2) A pound of Ground Beef.

3) An Onion.

4) A Green Pepper.

5) An 8oz bag of Shredded Cheese of your choosing. I use a 3 cheese medley usually used in tacos.

6) Half a jar of Spaghetti Sauce (12oz).  Your choice but I like to use a Sweeter Sauce.

7) Hot Sauce.

This couldn’t be easier to make:

1) Slice up the Green Pepper and Onion

2) Combine Sliced Green Pepper and Onion with Ground Beef in a frying pan.

3) Cook the Macaroni & Cheese following the directions on the box.

4) Pre-Heat the oven to 400 degrees.

5) Combine Macaroni & Cheese with the Browned Ground Beef, Onions and Green Pepper in a baking dish.

6) Mix in the spaghetti sauce and hot sauce to taste.

7) Add the shredded cheese as desired. I use the whole bag because I eat to deal with my emotions.

8) Bake this bad bear for about 10 minutes.

It feeds 4 people for around $10.  Or if you’re me, you eat half of it and then cry the rest of the night.  It’s not exactly a food for people who are counting calories, but if you’re wasted it may be one of the best meals you’ve ever had.

Of course I do not recommend cooking while drunk.  You may fall asleep like F.X. Galvin and almost burn the house down.