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Hoegaarden vs. Allagash White

whiteBy: Billy BeerSlugger

It’s funny that Hoegaarden is regarded as the premier witbeer these days.   Even some of my friends will split a case of it at a BBQ or guys weekend.  I don’t really regard it as much of a session beer so I really can’t reason why someone (without ovaries) would get a whole case of it, but that’s neither here nor there.

What I wanted to focus on is how and why has Hoegaarden become the preeminent White Beer in America.  It’s pretty much standard in any non-corner bar in Philadelphia and has been steadily growing in popularity since i was introduced to it in 2004.  I understand it’s a pretty good beer, some consider it the best Witbeer in the world.  I just think this is a case of good marketing and hype over substance.

Before you get all over me for putting down your favorite beer, i do think Hoegaarden is a good beer.  I just don’t think it’s good enough to be considered “The Best” White Beer.  I can only view people who see it as the best white as people who have yet to sample the best of the Witbeers. Plus it’s so hip and cool right now it makes me want to throw up on my Birkenstocks.

In my travels I sampled a bunch of White Beers and I’ve even profiled one or two on BeerSlugger.com so far.  I can proudly say that up to this point Allagash White is the best Witbeer I have ever had (queue Hoegaarden backlash). I’m not the only one either, BeerAdvocate lists Allagash White as an A- whilst they list Hoegaarden as B+.

I’ll agree that Hoegaarden is the archetypal White Beer but like a cover song that turns out to be better than the original, Allagash just does it better.  I find Allagash much fresher tasting (probably because it’s brewed in America).  Most American interpretations of the Witbeer style lack a certain amount of acidity but Allagash get’s it pretty much right on.

So next time you’re at the bar and a friend, relative or colleague orders a Hoegaarden you now have something to talk about.  Allagash White.  And if you’re looking to be a little more individualistic and beer snobish than your friends, rock an Allagash White instead of Hoegaarden. If you ever have the chance to sample Allagash White I reccomend highly that you do so.  You will not be disapointed.  Plus it’s American.

From the Allagash Website:

Available in: 12 oz and 750 ml bottles, 15.5 and 5.17 gal kegs
ABV: 5.0%
Original Gravity: 1048
Recommended Serving Temp: 34°F to 50°F

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Miss California, Gay Backlash, The Liberal & Right Wing Media

By: W.J. BeerSlugger

Usually I try to stay away from these crappy political battles that don’t matter and actually detract, if anything, from the real news the Mega Corporations that run the news should be reporting on.  However, I kind of can’t stay away from this one.

I guess i’ll give you a brief synopsis of the back story that started this sh!tstorm.  Carrie Prejean, Miss California and a contestant for Miss America was asked by Celebrity Blogger (and noted Homosexual) Perez Hilton, a judge, what her thoughts were on Gay Marriage.  Ms. Prejean answered that she did not believe in same sex marriage, stating she was brought up that way.

You gotta give her a little credit for sticking to her guns.  In this day and age where supporting Gay Marriage (publicly) is akin to peeing your pants in the movie Billy Madison, it’s refreshing to see someone in the spotlight answer that question opposingly.

So Miss California did not win Miss America and afterward, judge Perez Hilton went on to to a Youtube video describing why she lost and calling her some mean names:

I guess he makes a good point, she could have answered in the way that takes the personal belief out of it and puts the onus on state or federal government.  That’s the politcially correct way to handle that question.  Nonetheless, the way she answered the question doesn’t make her wrong.  It’s her opinion (unless otherwise scripted by Donald Trump’s minions).

Now for the last week or so all you hear on the news and read about on news websites is Miss California this and Carrie Prejean that.  So you have the right wing media supporting her for opposing gay marriage and the left wing media bashing her for being a whore naive model.

The left wing media bringing out that she allegedly posed topless for some photos while younger, which is against pageant rules.  Also that, allegedly, the Miss California pageant company paid for breast implants.

Surprisingly, all I can think about is WHO FUCKING CARES WHAT MS. CALIFORNIA THINKS ABOUT SAME SEX MARRIAGE!  She’s in a beauty pageant not running for office.  Get this story off my iGoogle newsfeed page and out of what little TV news I watch (but keep me informed if any more naked pictures come out).

What really drove me to write this article was a piece i saw on the Kieth Olberman program.  I was so angry with it I actually watched the whole 6 minute 40 second clip.  Here it is:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I can’t stand Kieth Olbermann . I can’t believe people on the left take his gospel as the Word of God when a few years ago this guy was spouting out one-liners at dunks and home runs as a sports jockey for ESPN.  I got into a discussion with a bar patron recently and he was all about Olbermann.  Saying how he thought Kieth was great American and that he loved his rants.  I’ll admit Olbermann can spout off a good rant but I’d look pretty serious too if I had a ton of writers coming up with rant content for me.  As I delved more deeply into the root of his man crush on Olbermann the guy says, “He really goes after Bill O’Reilly and I hate that guy.”.  I guess that’s a valid point but going after Bill O’ is why Olbermann is even a blip on the news anchor radar these days.  It’s why people like him and from what I’ve seen he has devoted a lot of time to the subject.  He’s more known for policing Bill O’Reilly show than his own journalism.

After conveying these tidbits to the bar patron he accuses me of being a Bill O’Reilly lover which I denied.  I told him I try to get my news and opinion from less biased sources.  I cited that I thought both O’Reilly and Olbermann were puppets of their respectively right and left leaning TV networks and thus reported stories a certain way for political and or economic interests.

“Oh well you gotta admit Olbermann is better then O’Reilly… come on”.  I said that’s kind of like saying Athelete’s Foot is better than Jock Itch in my book chief!

One of the more Hilarious points about the Miss California story is that everyone knows who she is now and she’s not even Miss America.  Anyone know Miss America’s name?  I bet she’s pissed.  She won and the runner up is the big story.

note:  Sorry, this should have been two posts and I really didn’t want to overuse the videos in the article but that’s just the way it happened.  Better journalism when I start getting paid and bow into the will of the interests of my sponsors.

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Magic Mushrooms – Public Service Announcement

magicmushrooms_article
They Grown on Cow Shit? Really?

By: Billy BeerSlugger

I am by no means a druggie.  I have been to known to smoke weed from time to time but most of my inebriation occurs from drinking.  That doesn’t mean that I didn’t dabble in the occasional recreational chemical back in the day.  I just got a call from my buddy Teddy Toronto and he mentioned doing some mushies sometime this summer, possibly in a beach scenario.  “Just when I thought I was out… They pull me back in.”.

While I’ll never seriously consider putting a powdery substance up my nose, mushrooms hold a special place in my dead brain cells heart.  As a freshman in (community) college I had a friend who worked as a freelance street pharmacist.  While his main product was colored green, once in a while he would come across a large bag of mushrooms to distribute.  Being such a close friend with the lad I was given a steep discount off of street value, $15-$20 an 1/8.

Having just gone through a breakup with my high school girlfriend I was looking to express myself and my newly found college independence (even though I still lived at home).  What a better way to test my mettle then by taking mushrooms once or twice a week for a little more than a month.  Does a month qualify as a binge?

Anyway, I can remember going to the movies and eating mushrooms in the parking lot.  My friends and I went in and saw The Sixth Sense, a movie at the time, while on mushrooms, I thought was utterly terrible.  I was too messed up to follow it and amused myself by throwing popcorn at people and laughing at parts of the movie that weren’t supposed to be funny.  After the movie will mark the only time I have ever driven a motor vehicle on mushrooms.  Going 60mph in a 25 like I was in some sort of video game and all I had to do was push the reset button if I crashed.  Turfing up a local sports field until my friend had convinced me to drive back to his house and put the car in park.  Laughing the whole time, shit eating grin from ear to ear.

There was a night when a group of my friends took them and hung out in one of our bedrooms with a blacklight and strobe light on at the same time.  What an amazing and moving trip that was, especially when the strobe light was shut off and the black light was still on.  “Whoaaaaa!!!” was articulated by everyone in the room in unison.  It was on this trip that I just couldn’t fathom why the Notorious BIG had to die.

Another time I took what amounted to one and a half eighth’s (sorry I didn’t feel like converting the metrics on that).  The most I have ever taken and this was the only time I really felt like I was seeing things.  We walked to a local pizza shop and a graveyard on the way seemed cartoonish, but only out of the corner of my eye.  If I looked at it straight on it was a regular graveyard. It was as if this whole other world was hiding from me yet inviting me to join it at the same time.  Coming down from this trip, sitting alone in a chair on an enclosed porch, I still to this day am convinced I had figured out at least 84.37541% of the worlds problems.  I only wish I had a tape recorder to capture the ideas racing through my head for those two or so hours.  The world may be a better place.

I guess the last time I took any sort of mushroom product was while living at my fraternity house.  A gentleman was passing out mushrooms during hell weekend and soon after a talking dolphin disguised as mailbox began shouting at the pledges… RABBLE, RABBLE, RABBLE RABBLE.  I never laughed so hard in my life.

Those were the days.

Some things I’ve noticed while on them is yawning on the onset of tripping (these things aren’t working).  A heightened sense of awareness and want to go out and “do stuff” while on them.  Mushrooms are definitely an outdoor activity.  If I couldn’t speed walk somewhere while on mushrooms I’d probably eat my own head off.  You can drink a ton on Mushrooms.  I guess since you are tripping you really don’t notice you’re drunk or something.  There is a sense of kinship with the other people you took them with while tripping.  They may be the only people on the planet who get what you are going through at that point and there’s an unspoken understanding of that.

I am in no way condoning the use of Magic Mushrooms, just telling you some of the hijinks and experiences I got into while I was on them.

Stay off drugs kids…

Sincerely,

W.J. BeerSlugger

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It’s Boner Time…

By: Billy BeerSlugger

You’ve seen them from time to time on a late night infomercial.  Extagen, Enzyte, Alzare, Extenze, Longitude, Size Max, VigRX, MagnaRX and Androenlarge.  All promise to make your member larger, usually dealing with girth as opposed to length.

I’ll focus on Extenze because I feel like that’s the one I’ve seen for the last couple of years.  One late night I got home from a drunken adventure and was flipping through channels.  I flipped by and saw Porn Legend Ron Jeremy hocking this boner pill.  Yea I watched just like you did chief.

Here’s what Extenze claims:

What will ExtenZe® Do For Me?*

  • Enlarge your penis and erection.
  • Give you harder, more frequent erections.
  • Give you more intense orgasms.
  • Make your erections last longer.
  • Makes getting an erection easier and more reliable.
  • Enhance desire, power, pleasure and performance.
  • Improve your overall sex life and penile sensitivity.

Several things I found funny were that in the infomercial they had a guy in a lab coat swishing around colored liquids in a beaker and pills rolling off an assembly line like this was somehow going to convince me that it’s credible and actually going to make my bird grow.  It’s clearly science.

Two, they have a real medical doctor endorsing it.  Dr. Daniel Stein, founder of the Stein Medical institute finds it thoroughly effective after extensive research.  I don’t know of anyone that has ever heard of the Stein Medical Institute. Do these doctors that go on TV and endorse these bullsh!t products get sanctioned at all?  Like the MD who endorsed Hydroxycut and then a couple months later Hydroxycut is taken off store shelves.

Three, as stated in the commercial, men all over the world have taken Extenze and over a quarter of a billion pills have been sent out.  Wow that makes me really reassured.  Small dicked bastards all over the world have been duped by this company into buying a bunch of supplements that are available at your local drug store, for 4 times the price.

Four, you can get a free week’s supply of Extenze for just the cost of a postage stamp.  “If Extenze didn’t work could we afford to do that?”.  Well, apparently they can.  Sign me up for my free sample!

Most of these pills are made up of Yohimbe, Ginsen, Horny Goat Weed etc.  These are all things available at most places they sell vitamins.  They all are said to promote healthy circulation which in turn can mean better boners.

So does it work?  Yes it works!  I got my free week supply in the mail and I took 3 times the recommended dosage for 3 days and now my “certain area” is at least 8 inches in girth in addition to my generous 3.25 inches in length.  I can barely fit in Bob McFlurry’s mom anymore, she loves it.

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Rihanna and Prince?

By: Billy BeerSluggerriprince

I’m not trying to pick on Rihanna, I know she just got her face busted by Nick Cannon or whatever that rapper dude’s name is, but did you ever notice the eerie similarity of her and Prince.  Just about the only things that distinguish them from one another are breasts and a very faint mustache.  Same haircut, same light colored skin, same body type and build.  You would think they were at least brother and sister.

Now yea I guess I would bang Rihanna, if only to say “I banged Rihanna“.  But now I made this connection to Prince, I don’t know if I could go through with it.  I could be balls deep in Rihanna and probably the only thing I would be able to think about is Prince wearing those pants with the ass cut out so you could see his butt cheeks. Kinda giving myself the heeby jeebies just thinking about it.

Just in case you wanted to know, there are possibly some racy photos of the Rihanna circulating on the web.  Allegedly these photos were leaked by the same practical jokester that beat her ass a couple weeks back.  Whether the pics are real or not remains to be seen.

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Popped Collars… JUST STOP IT!

poppedcollars
Sup' Bro!

By: Billy BeerSlugger

I know I get worked up about some issues that in the grand scheme of things really don’t matter.  I can’t help it and I’m using this website as sort of a therapy session.  If I write down the things that are bothering me I feel a whole bunch better inside.  Anywhoodle, I’m at the bar last night, wasted, and i just can’t get over the 3 or 4 dudes in the bar that have their collars popped.   I was pretty sure that this fad had died out around 2005 or maybe thats just when I exited the college scene.

I never really got the whole poppin’ of collars. What are you really trying to accomplish?  Are you trying to imitate Count Chocula or something, cause that cereal spokesperson got soooo much cartoon ass right?  I’ve read that rappers have done this as well and as we all know, anything that is deemed cool in black culture will without a doubt be copied by white people trying to look “fresh”.

A bunch of my hip fraternity brothers did this back in the day, some wearing two or more polo’s and popping them all. Wearing a pink  or pastel polo with the collar popped somehow was supposed to convey to freshman girls that they were comfortable with their sexuality or something.  However, every sixth word out of their mouths was faggot so I’m sure that was a little contradictory.

So here’s what I’m trying to tell you cool guy, just don’t do it.  I’ll be the first one to commend you on expressing your individuality but you can’t do so by rocking a misguided fashion faux pas from 5 years ago. You just look like a retard.  Put your collar down and really “bro”…. pink is not a good color for you.

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The Kentucky Grilled Chicken Conundrum

oprahkfcchicken_l
You Go Girlfriend! Get your Chicken On!

By: Billy BeerSlugger

I’ve been hearing a lot of chatter lately about this Kentucky Grilled Chicken promo they’ve been running and subsequently reneged on.  I remember a couple of weeks ago KFC rolled out a commercial stating that it would give away 2 pieces of the new Grilled Chicken if you went to their website and downloaded a coupon.

At this point I’m thinking, “Sounds good, two free pieces of chicken.  Can’t beat that”.  Ultimately I never went to KFC because I don’t really eat KFC.  To me eating KFC is like banging a chick on her period, I’ll do it once in a blue moon but man does it make a mess.

I digress.  Shit really started to hit the fan when the announced this promo on Oprah.  The response was so overwhelming that a store manager in New York refused to honor the coupons.  This sparked a 60’s style civil rights sit in protest at the restaurant.  People refused to leave the KFC until they got their free chicken.  As if free chicken was a right protected by the constitution.

I can only imagine how many freeloaders used these coupons multiple times.  I know times are tight right now but if you are a mom or dad that was trying to feed your family with free chicken from KFC you have got to seriously rethink what you are doing in life.

Unbeknownst to him, F.X. Galvin was quite curious about the long lines at the KFC in the Gallery over the last week or two.  As we just watched the Phils lose to Atlanta, the CEO of KFC made his second commercial appearance, this time suspending the free chicken offer.

You may, however, go into a KFC and fill out a Rain Check form and they will send you coupon for the chicken pieces and a free pepsi as well.  As always it’s a few (thousand) bad apples screwing a good thing up for everyone else.

What I find hilarious is the sense of entitlement of some people in this country.  Guess what, KFC doesn’t owe you anything.  If a KFC location doesn’t want to honor the coupon I’m pretty sure they can do that.  It’s not infringing on your rights.  Pay for your greasy chicken just like everyone else or go home and cry about it.  Don’t throw a temper tantrum like a 2 year old in the middle of KFC, your kids are watching you and you’re setting a bad example.

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Mainstream Media on MLB Steroids/HGH… Double Standard?

Sports with Bob McFlurry

So yea, one of my first picks in my Fantasy Baseball draft, Manny Ramirez,  is now suspended for the next 50 games as a result of a positive “Performance Enhancing Drug” test result.  Now before you get all, “You’re writing this article because you’re pissed that your Fantasy Baseball Team is going to hit the shitter.”, please read the rest of the article.

So what’s up with the Espn’s and other Major News outlets coverage of MLB players failing drug test as opposed to the NFL, NBA and NHL?  When is the last time you heard of an extremely visible NHL player or NBA player failing a drug test (Besides Weed in the NBA)?  Are you really going to tell me it’s because it doesn’t happen in those sports?  Please give me a break because you’re living in the same denial of those sports now just as you did in the late 90’s and early 2000’s of Major League Baseball.

Now I understand that the NHL is not as popular as the other of the 4 major sports, but when was the last time you have even heard of a player getting suspended in the NHL for anything other than roughing someone up more than a 5 minute major? Ever? Might have happened but it’s not running across the bottom line of ESPN as breaking news while you’re trying to hit on underage girls at Finnigans Wake.

And then you’ve got the NBA.  I’m not about to accuse the newly crowned NBA MVP, but when he came into the league as an 18 year old rookie he looked a whole lot older and bigger than anyone I have known when they graduated high school.  Freak of Nature, completely possible.  More shocking is that I haven’t heard of any problems in the NBA in terms of Performance Enhancing Drugs.

Now a brief ,and a little suspect, Google Search of “Steroids NHL” and “Steroids NBA” returned the following results on the NBA Steroid Problem and the NHL Steroid Problem.  Both commisioners claim not to have a problem with Steroids.  Again, possible yes, there’s a great chance that there’s not as much rampant use of PED’s in the NHL and NBA as there is in the Home Run obsessed MLB.  However, it’s certainly plausible that someone of high regard in either of these leagues has used  and tested positive for PED’s.

Don’t even get me started about the NFL.  I’m not saying that the NFL does a completely terrible job of policing their players intake of PED’s (because apparently people do get suspended), I’m just saying why does the American Mainstream Media make Rodney Harrison getting busted for HGH in 2007 not as big a deal as say Manny Ramirez or Alex Rodriguez?  Or what about the whole Carolina Panthers Offesnsive Line being on PED’s (allegedly) in 2003 as they steamrolled our Philadelphia Eagles on the way to losing the Super Bowl.  Where’s the outcry in that? Seriously?

The MLB has Senate hearings and calls an obscene amount of people/players to the witness stand and wastes Millions of taxpayer dollars to fix a problem that they have no business fixing. Yes the federal government should be going after  Steroids and HGH, however they should go after it the same way they do other drugs, get the distributors and manufacturers.  I’m not saying that taking down a major pubic figure who uses PED’s won’t help discourage their usage.  I’m just saying don’t kill my Fantasy baseball Season in the Process.

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Throwback Pepsi, Mountain Dew?

pepsi-throwbackBy: Billy BeerSlugger

Ok so apparently Pepsi is rolling out a version called Throwback, which will replace High Fructose Corn Syrup with actual real sugar.  Both Pepsi and Pepsi owned Mountain Dew have introduced a throwback version.

While I have not yet tried either of these throwback versions I can already surmise that I will like it 10 to 15 times better than than their counterparts.

Going back to one of my earlier posts when i ripped into artificial sweeteners I guess I failed to realize that Coke, Pepsi and probably 99 percent of other main stream soda pop’s are made with High Fructose Corn Syrup.  While High Fructose Corn Syrup is obviously not sugar as I had seemed to convey in the article, I going to stick with my guns and tell you that High Fructose Corn Syrup is still better for you than these other artificial sweeteners in diet soda.  Yes I am a doctor and a scientist so I know about these things.

I have heard it’s kind of hard to find these Throwback sodas, i don’t think they are available in your works soda machine.  A friend tells me that Philadelphia Based Mitchell & Ness (of throwback sports jersey fame) does carry the designer soda in the store to go along with the Throwback motif.

One cool thing I have seen is that Snapple Iced Teas and Juices are moving to all sugar.  They are ditching the high Fructose Corn Syrup entirely.  That’s very different from what Pepsi Co. is offering as a limited release and sticking with the HFCS. I think you really have to commend Snapple on what they’re doing.

I have read that switching to real sugar as opposed to using High Fructose can be slightly more costly to produce and therefore a higher cost to the consumer.  While most things are going up these days i think that raising the price of soda and making it healthier (i.e. real sugar) is a win-win for the consumer.  People drink less soda and the soda they do drink is better for them.  Though in contrast, less soda sold is bad for Coke and Pepsi Co and jobs may be lost.  As always action and reaction.

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The British Invasion

By: Billy Beerslugger

Listen, I’m really tired of all you British people on American TV shows.  What is it about being British that makes you so fucking genius that you can judge a competition reality TV show?  And what is it about Americans that they fall for this bullshit?  It’s so formulaic, put an asshole British person on a panel with 2 or 3 other judges, have them demean the talent and you’ve got yourself a hit!

Here’s what I see, Simon Cowell on American Idol, Piers Morgan on America’s Got Talent and Celebrity Apprentice, Len Goodman on Dancing with the Stars, Nigel Lythgoe on So You Think You Can Dance, Gordon Ramsay on Hell’s Kitchen, whatever that husky bitch’s name is on Supernanny.  Sharon Osbourne is in there somewhere. There’s probably tons more that I am missing but do you see a pattern here?  Are you picking up what I’m putting down?

Why is a smug ass Brit more qualified to do this shit?  We couldn’t have gotten American assholes for these shows?  I’ll be the first to tell you a British accent makes a chick a little hotter but I don’t see how it makes them smarter or capable of making decisions for an asinine TV show that shouldn’t be on in the first place.

I’ve got an idea for a TV show I’m pitching to my friends in Hollywood, you take a British Crack addict, bring him over here to America and have him run a Post Office in the middle of a Major Metropolitan City.  You tell all the Postal workers that they have to listen to the crack addict or lose their pension and you tell the druggie Brit that he has to yell at the people all day for no good reason, even if they are doing their job. The more he yells, the more crack he gets.  A Postal Worker is voted out of the Office every week until there is only one left or one of the Postal Workers that was voted off comes in and kills everyone.  When a person is voted off, the remaining contestants must pick up the slack for their exiled former co-worker making it progressively harder as the weeks go by.  It’s got all the makings of a mega-hit, an elimination element and a British person addressing people in a pejorative manner, the scenario in which this occurs is irrelevant.  I’ve even got a tentative title, “Cracking the Whip!“.  Seems like a show you would watch right?  I’m thinking it would get enough of a following to be on for at least 3 seasons.