Billy Mays: Dead

billy_maysBy: Billy BeerSlugger

These things come in three’s.  First Farrah Fawcett, then the King of Pop Michael Jackson and now superstar infomercial spokesperson Billy Mays.  You know Billy Mays from such products as OxiClean, Orange Glo, Kaboom and many other cleaning type products.

His death leaves us without a true torch bearer for “The Beard”.  No man since the new millennium has sported the beard with more pride or resolve.  So who will take up his mantle?  I can’t think of a single worthy person who continuously sports a beard in his everyday life.  Maybe a member of ZZ top, but you hope for someone a little more spry.

A true tragedy for the advertising world, Mays, Pennsylvania born, honed his pitch skills on the Atlantic City boardwalk after high school.  He recently appeared on an ESPN 360 commercial and had his own reality competition on Discovery Channel called Pitchmen.

Mays was on a plane from Philadelphia to Tampa which blew out a tire upon landing and had several objects strike him in the head due to the turbulence.  Though it is not clear whether this contributed to his death.

Mays was 50 years old, same as Michael Jackson.  Coincidence?  You make the call.

Hank Baskett: Reality TV star

414px-hank-baskett-2008-camp-autographSports With Bob McFlurry

Now that Hank Baskett co-stars in his own TV show with former Playboy Playmate and current girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson, can we expect more from him on the field for the Eagles this year?  26 year old Baskett had 440yds last season on 33 catches with 3 touchdowns.  With the addition of rookie Wide Receiver Jeremy Macklin will Baskett’s touches diminish in an offense that has him as a third string or lower wide receiver?  Probably.  I was thinking Baskett may get cut in training camp but then I realized he’s the tallest  receiver on the team and a semi-valid special teams player.

It will be interesteing to say the least how the Wide Receiver plays out this season for the Birds.  With a healthy Kevin Curtis, Desean Jackson in a more prominent role, new addition Jeremy Macklin and 3rd down specialist Jason Avant it seems the odd men out may be Baskett and once promising receiver Reggie Brown in the touches per game department.  Though with the departure of Mr. Softy (Greg Lewis) and the uncertainty of how Macklin will fit into the receiving/returning roles there may be some more balls to go to Baskett and or Brown.  Only time will tell.

So how many episodes until Donovan Mcnabb appears on the Kendra show?  I give an over under of 6 if the show lasts that long, which it probably will given the surprisingly low brow tastes of teen, twenty and thirty something women (maybe gay men too).  One thing that will be interesting is the increased attention from NFL and ESPN announcers Hank Baskett will receive this upcoming season, though probably not because of his play.

I hope Kendra Wilkinson does not become the Jessica Simpson of the Philadelphia Eagles this year.  One thing the birds don’t need is any sort of omen of the pop culture kind, especially ones that used to play with Hugh Hefners old balls.  I wonder how Hank Baskett feels about Hugh Hefner banging his fiancee.  That had to be an awkward conversation and then to have your wedding at the Playboy Mansion and relive all those memories.  You must be proud Hank Baskett.  I’m raising my Schlitz can in honor of you chief.  Have a great season.

Black Eyed Peas Vs. Perez Hilton

By: Billy BeerSlugger

A story like this only comes around once in a while so I’m going to try and enjoy this.  In case you didn’t know I’m a  fan of neither the Black Eyed Peas or Perez Hilton, however, sometime this past weekend, will.i.am (sic), Fergalicious and the Black Eyed Peas manager allegedly got into a fight with Celebrity Blogger Perez Hilton.  This altercation left Hilton (whose real name is Mario Lavandeira) with some facial lacerations and probably a bruised ego.

Apparently this all stemmed from Perez Hilton calling Fergie “Fugly” and calling the Black Eyed Peas music crap.  Unfortunately, I have to agree with the gay man on this one, Fergie’s face is all messed up from all the Meth she used to do (although her body is great) and The Black Eyed Peas haven’t come out with a good song since “Let’s Get Retarded” which they promptly sold out and changed the lyrics to “Let’s get it started”.  That’s besides the point though.

The reason I’m extremely happy this transpired is because The Black Eyed Peas are like this mega pop group that is respected and loved by millions of fans and the press.  So much so that will.i.am (sic) was interviewed via hologram from the victory party for Barack Obama winning the Presidential Election.  Like CNN couldn’t have gotten a more influential black person to interview via hologram on this ground breaking night such as Martin Luther King’s widow or children, just a thought.  And Perez Hilton is pretty much the antithesis of what he pretends to stand for.  The man is basically famous for following around celebrities, taking pictures of these celebrities and drawing cartoon jizz or penis on them as well as outing celebrities who are not yet ready to come out of the closet.  If he’s such a champion of gay rights you would think that he would let these people of alternative lifestyles to announce their gayness on their own terms and not on his crap website.  I mean what if the guy / girl didn’t tell their parents yet.  They found out over the news or something.  Just bad taste if you ask me.

Anyway, something else I found funny was that Hilton called will.i.am (sic) a faggot during the altercation.  Isn’t that kind of like a black person calling a white person a n!gger in a fight?  I know the intention was to demean and attack will.i.am (sic) saying he has sex with men, but coming from a person who has sex with men, doesn’t it lose a little bit of it’s luster?

From the Wikipedia:

Name Calling:

Propagandists use the name-calling technique to incite fears and arouse prejudices with the intent that invoked fear based on fearmongering tactics will encourage those that read, see or hear propaganda to construct a negative opinion about a person, group, or set of beliefs or ideas that the propagandist would wish the recipients to denounce. The method is intended to provoke conclusions and actions about a matter apart from an impartial examinations of the facts of the matter. When employed, name-calling is thus a substitute for rational, fact-based arguments against an idea or belief, based upon its own merits.

So effectively Perez Hilton using a homophobic slur to paint a negative picture of will.i.am (sic) and the gay community and their set of beliefs is effectively the opposite of the gay rights he champions so much.

That being said I still have much disdain for both the Black Eyed Peas and Perez Hilton, they could both fall off a cliff and I wouldn’t watch their joint funeral on CNN.

So who wins this war of words and fisticuffs? You certainly don’t, it’s on your TV, on your radio and on your Internet including BeerSlugger.com.

Below is the video rebuttal to will.i.am’s (sic) video blog of the occurrences the night of the altercation.  I tell you, i can’t stand it when women cry.  If a girl cries, your mom, your sister, your aunt, your girlfriend who ever, no matter how obtuse the reasoning, it always gets me, i fell sorry for them a little.  But when a grown man cries (especially a girly man) I don’t know why but I find it utterly hilarious.  Fast forward to the end to see him sobbing.

Kim Kardashian – How she became a star

By: Billy BeerSlugger

I don’t have any time to frame and of my newest article ideas eloquently right now so I figured I’d go with old faithful, CHICKS.

You probably know who Kim Kardashian is.  She’s got an awful TV show, she posed for Playboy and she modeled for something or other.  Probably has her own clothing line and fragrance like every other Reality Tv Star.  She’s got a big ass and is nominally hot. Needless to say I’d give her the high hard one but when is that saying much.

Anywhoodle, besides being the daughter of one of the jackoff lawyers that got O.J. off for murder, she’s famous for (what else) having a sex tape.  Apparently taking a lesson in upping your profile from such upstanding celebrities as Paris Hilton, Kardashian made the sex tape with then boyfriend R & B singer Brandy’s brother, Ray J.

Now at this point you may be saying, “Yea, I know she has a sextape”.  However, have you seen it?

Well I’m not going to embed the video right into the page since some 70% of the BeerSlugger faithfull log on from work, but you can click on this link and watch it at home if you want you naughty little monkey.  Of course I’ll label the video as (NSFW) Not Safe For Work so don’t complain to me if your boss calls you to his/her office and asks you why you’re on Pornhub.com at work.

Ps: You’re welcome.

Pss: I wonder how Reggie Bush feels about all of this.  At what point (as a girl) do you tell a guy you’re interested in dating seriously that there’s a SexTape of you on the internet?  I’m sure Reggie Bush already knew but the question still stands ladies.

Gotcha Snail Mail Spammers

By: picture-2-27-tmBilly BeerSlugger

If you’re like millions of Americans, you’re inundated with Junk Mail in your physical (not email) mailbox everyday.  Everything from Credit Card offers to donation solicitations.

Up until now there’s not really a lot you can do about it.  You could call the company up and tell them to take your name off the mailing list but you are already on a mailing list, whcih has probably been sold 200 times and assimilated into countless other databases.  You’re not going to call every companyyou get mail from and get your name taken off their (single) mailing list.

My mom usually writes “Return to Sender” on the mail and sticks it in the mailbox.  She receives an obscene amount of Donation Solicitation’s from Christian Charities after her name was sold about a billion times.  A couple times I actually saw the mail having a nickel in it.  Something in the mail said that for a nickel a day you can feed xyz children in third world countries.  My problem with that is why are they sending out nickels to people in bulk when they could use these nickels to feed kids?  If a charity has enough money to send nickels out in their mailers then they probably are doing pretty well, at least that’s how I look at it.

Anyway, I think I’ve taken things a step further.  Open up your junk mail and get the “No Postage Necessary” envelope.  Stick anything you want in these envelopes like other junk mail, newspaper clippings, dog hair, unused coupons, parking tickets, anything you want really.

How hilarious is it that you are now sending junk mail to the people who are sending you junk mail.  I often wonder if they are just as disappointed to see my junk mail as I am to see theirs.

Technically, from what I gather, you can tape the “No Postage Necessary” envelope to a box and pretty much mail them anything you want like a brick, rocks or fecal matter.  I have not tried this but for scholastic purposes only I just want you to know that this is an option.

Fastest Way to Get Beer Cold

full-coolerBy: Billy BeerSlugger

It’s an age old question, “What’s the fastest way to get your beer cold?”. Everyone’s been there.  You buy a case of beer from the distributor and it wasn’t cold or you need to chill that case in the basement that you couldn’t fit into the fridge.

What do you do?

If I’m at home and do not have access to a cooler or mounds of ice, I’m putting a six pack in the freezer and as many beers as I can fit in the fridge.  After about 20-25 minutes the beers in the freezer will be cold and you take from the freezer and replacing from the fridge.  You will have to do this for a good hour before the remaining beers in the fridge have cooled sufficiently.  You will also have to watch out for beers in the freezer so that they don’t actually freeze and explode.

The best way, as explained by the show Mythbusters on The Discovery Channel:

In a cooler, combine salt, water and ice and just add beer for ice cold beer in about 5 minutes.  The salt melts the ice and lowers the freezing point to 27 degrees.  The water provides the surface area coverage to chill the beer optimally.

In contrast, using just ice and water to chill the beer would take about 15 minutes to get the 36 degrees achieved by the ice, salt, water mix in 5 minutes.

Of course you could use a fire extinguisher to cool the beer and it would be cold in about 3 minutes, but as I always say, “Safety First”.  You may need that fire extinguisher after you get drunk.  There’s nothing worse than accidentally starting a fire when you’re drunk and the fire extinguisher being empty from you chilling the beer with it.

So using conventional means, filling your cooler with salt, water and ice is the optimal way to cool your beer the fastest.

If you didn’t already know this, Now you know…. And Knowing is Half the Battle.

Joe Buck vs. Artie Lange

By: Billy BeerSlugger

This is just completely hilarious.  In the opening segment of Joe Buck’s first show on his new HBO series, Howard Stern radio personality Artie Lange completely rips into Joe Buck, Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys.  If you are a Philadelphian, you have to dislike Joe Buck.  He is clearly sided against both the Phillies and Eagles.  The proof being that I like former Dallas Quarterback Troy Aikman better than I like Buck on their Fox Broadcast and I hated Troy Aikman when he was playing.

If Buck’s series somehow takes off this first episode would be a hilarious start.  Artie Lange completely takes over control of the show, proclaiming himself a Homophobe, ribbing Joe Buck that he is gay, telling Michael Irvin he lost Artie a lot of money, telling a long sinded story about Joe Buck’s father.  Swearing like a construction worker the whole time and even almost lighting up a cigarette after Buck asks him not to.

Artie is a NY Giants fan and kept saying “Fuck Dallas”. I’ll take it.  Screw Joe Buck, I’m glad Artie Lange screwed up his debut.

Artie is also a recovering Substance Abuse addict. One can only hope this was just a pre-concocted scheme to ruin Joe Buck’s first show and not a drunken/drug induced blow up.  Either way it’s one of ther more hilarious things I’ve seen in a while.

Going Green: Plastic Water Bottles Vs. Filtered Tap Water

Not Bio-Degradable
Not Bio-Degradable

By: Billy BeerSlugger

There’s not really any doubt that we as Amricans produce a lot of trash.  According to the EPA we produce about 4.4 lbs a day or about 1,600 lbs per year.  Every year we as Americas throw out 2 million tons of polyethylene bottles used for such drinks as Dasani and Aquafina bottled water.  These bottles require 18 million barrel’s of Oil to make each year (about a days worth of Oil Imports).  True these bottles can be recycled, but only after adding more virgin petroleum and that’s not even counting the environmental impact of shipping them, carbon emissions, burning more fossil fuels.

Yea sure a plastic water bottle is convenient, take it with you throw it away after use, but at the cost of buying bottled water (even in bulk) coupled with the environmental costs, is it really worth it?

So what are the differences, if any between bottled water and home filtered tap water like Pur and Brita?

Well, bottlers like Dasani and Aquafina start with tap water and use a process of reverse osmosis to filter it.  Yes tap water,  not spring water, not water melted from a glacier, not water from an underground aquifer, the water hasn’t been blessed by a priest, rabbi or minister, it’s tap water.

However, water coming into your home through pipes has a lot more stringent guidelines which must be met than bottled water does.

From WaterFilterComparisons.com:

The Federal regulations (FDA) that govern the quality of bottled water only apply if it is transported across state lines, and only require it to be “as good as” tap water, not better. 60-70% of bottled water companies bottle and sell the water in the same state to avoid Federal purity standards, thus avoiding complying with basic health standards, such as those that apply to municipally treated tap water! There are no assurances or requirements that bottled water be any safer or better than tap water.

City tap water can have no confirmed E.Coli or fecal coliform bacteria. FDA bottled water rules include no such prohibition (a certain amount of any type of coliform bacteria is allowed in bottled water).

City tap water, from surface water, must be filtered and disinfected. In contrast, there are no federal filtration or disinfection requirements for bottled water.

Most cities using surface water have had to test for Cryptosporidium or Giardia, two common water pathogens, that can cause diarrhea and other intestinal problems, yet bottled water companies have no such test.

City tap water must meet standards for certain important toxic or cancer-causing chemicals, such as phthalate (a chemical that can leach from plastic, including plastic bottles); some in the industry persuaded FDA to exempt bottled water from the regulations regarding these chemicals.

City water systems must issue annual “right to know” reports, telling consumers what is in their water. Bottlers successfully killed a “right to know” requirement for bottled water.

Filtering water at home is in my opinion the best way to get the cleanest available water, the cheapest as well.  You know that you are at least getting federally tested and treated water and with a using an activated charcoal filter with an NSF 53 certification seal on the box (like Pur and Brita) you will remove such health-threatening contaminants as lead, microbes and volatile organic compounds, rather than merely improving taste and odor.  All at a fraction of the cost of buying bottled water.

So not only is filtering your own water cheaper and better for the environment but in most cases filtered water is better for you than bottled water.

Bottom line, get yourself a Brita instead of lugging bulky packages of bottled water home from the store, save yourself some money and spend it on better contaminants like Beer and Wine.

Jon Stewart: The Most Objective Person in News?

By: Billy BeerSlugger

Earlier I wrote about how much I dislike Kieth Olberman on MSNBC and how much, while on opposite ends of the political spectrum, Fox News and MSNBC are essentially the same network.  They both cater to their Liberal or Conservative base, each bashing the other network and or opposing political figures several times a day never really extensively covering their own party’s shortcomings.

I think Jon Stewart is growing on me a little, I didn’t completely enjoy him essentially blaming Philadelphian Jim Cramer for people losing money in the stock market but he did make some valid points.  His “Fake News” program The Daily Show has been on for about 10 years and while I’ve never really gotten into watching it regularly on TV, I do watch clips from his shows on the internet.  Jon leans slightly to the left but overall I think he’s got a pretty objective view on things.  While the goal is to deliver the news with humor, it’s usually well thought out and logical.  As a man, I like when things are logical, when they make sense.

Anyway, here’s a clip of Stewart not only bashing Fox News but MSNBC as well as CNN.

So true though, Fox News is going to bash Obama anytime they can get in a jab, with Bush Jr. out of office, MSNBC has turned to hurling spitballs at Rush Limbaugh and CNN is so obsessed with whats going on Twitter, Facebook and MySpace that I’m not sure if they have anyone writing scripts anymore. CNN just asks you what you think.

What the Hell happened to CNN, they used to be “The News”.  All I can think about CNN now is that they had Will-I-Am live via Hologram on the night of the Presidential Election.  Apparently that was the first Hologram used on live TV and they chose Will-I-Am of the Black Eyed Peas to be the guy to talk to?  No offense to Will-I-Am but you couldn’t have gotten someone better CNN.

sidenote: I just saw a Target commercial with the Black Eyed Peas.  What was thery’re biggest sell out move? Adding Fergie, Changing the Lyrics from “Let’s get retarded” to “Let’s get it started” or the target commercial.  Does any of this even matter?

Brett Favre: As The World Turns

Bob McFlurry with Sports:

You know, I like Brett Favre.  I’ve never met the guy before but from what the media has me to believe, he’s a pretty good guy and a helluva Quarterback.  I’m a Philly guy but I’ve always rooted for the Packers, I love snow games.

Anyway, everyone makes a big deal about whether Favre is or is not going to play again, year after year since about the 2003 season.  Well guess what, the guy either is or is not going to play this season.  It’s Baseball season and Ed Werder, Chris Mortensen and such want to make a splash on the latest development with Favre’s current bid to become unretired.

That’s great, I guess someone has to report on it and it might as well be those guys.  However, there’s just some things that do not add up to me.  It was reported that former Eagles O-Coordinator and current Vikings head coach Brad Childress gave Favre a deadline of sometime this week for Favre to commit to the Vikings.

I mean the latest ESPN headline has us to believe that Brad Childress is suspending his pursuit of Favre because he mandated Favre show up to Organized Team Activity’s and or Favre didn’t commit to the Vikings by XYZ date.  What doesn’t make sense, at least in my eyes, is why you give a guy a timetable to figure out whether he wants to play again when he just got surgery on his shoulder to figure out whether he can play again.  It’s like asking someone who just had a heart attack whether or not they want to go back to work the next day.  Yea they may have the desire but are they able-bodied enough to do it?  Yes you want the guy to be there during OTA’s, during training camp but then again it’s Brett Favre.  You have to know what you are getting into when you’re asking him to be your date to the prom.  A lot of maybe’s, some probably’s, some I don’t know yet’s, some I want to’s and then maybe God willing an i’ll be there.

It’s an overblown story every year and it seems in recent times that ESPN has reported and gotten wrong lately.  This guy refuting this and that guy refuting that, not that ESPN doesn’t ever come out the victor in a war of he said he said but it seems to me that they’re over sensationalizing this whole Favre deal.  Is he going to come back, is he not going to come back?   Favre is going to meet with the Vikings, he’s staying retired, he’s got surgery to repair the biceps shoulder injury, Favre and Family make hotel reservations to meet with Vikings, Vikings give him a time line, Vikings give up on the time line at least for the time being.  You’ve got one analyst saying he’s definitely coming back and another saying he’s definitely staying retired. At least they have all the bases covered.

I choose to believe that the Vikings will take Brett Favre up on him being their QB any time before opening day.  And my gut says Favre will be the Vikings Quarterback but of course my gut also said Favre would be back in a Packer uniform if he chose to come out of retirement last year.  Either way, Favre either will or will not be back in the NFL for 2009, it seems that if he will be back it will be for the Vikings.

Here’s a note to you ESPN, any time Brett Favre takes a dump or goes into the gas station to get a soda or  calls someone on a cell phone does not mean it’s “BREAKING NEWS“.  Breaking News is if Favre signs a contract, Breaking News is if Favre is throwing a football at a Vikings facility.  Breaking News is not Brett Favre, “…has not yet ruled out a return.”.  It’s not even a “Development“, it is what it is, a bunch of bullshit to keep you glued to the screen between commercial breaks.

Good for Brett Favre if he comes back, good for Brett Favre if he stays retired.  You’re going to hear about it either way, just turn off ESPN if they start talking about it.