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Tragic Irony on MTV

Thank God JWow's breast don't move or there could be some wardrobe malfunctions.
Thank God JWow's breast don't move or there could be some wardrobe malfunctions.

By: Billy Beerslugger

This weekend I subjected myself to more MTV than I have watched probably since 2002 or so.  I could not get away from the phenomenon that is “The Jersey Shore”.  Guido’s, Guidettes, Blowout’s, fake tans, muscles and a whole lot of attitude. Pretty much what i expected from this show but after I watched it as research (I’m a hypocrite), then sat in with my roomates to watch a portion of it, then went over a friends house and they were watching it I seriously will not watch this show again.  I stopped watching “The Real World” after Pedro died in season 3 and “The Jersey Shore” is nothing more than a rehash of the Real World formula with the twist of having all Italian American’s as house inhabitants and a whole bunch of sterotypical behavior.  I can tell you how this show in it’s entirety will go: fist fights, fist pumping, drinking, shit talking about roommates, roommates hooking up (some of whom have boyfriends), roommates getting in a fight after hooking up, girls getting pissed about other girls being in the house, half the show being bleeped or blurred out, lame Guido stereotypical behavior, people get fired from their job selling t-shirts but are ultimately let back to work because it’s really hard selling t-shirts, some girl gets punched in the face by a dude.  Now save yourself the couple hours of your life and learn something.

For as much complaining as I’ve heard coming from the New Jersey tourism associations it didn’t stop them from running an ad during the show about Ocean City NJ.

Now onto the next farce I’ve seen on MTV that should have been pulled, DJ AM’s Gone Too Far follows the deceased record spinner while he tries to help them kick their addictions to drugs and alcohol.  The problem I have with this show still being on the air is that DJ AM died of a fucking drug overdose.  Wouldn’t that kind of be like if Oprah starred in a show about losing a weight and then her stomach explodes from eating too many Twinkies? This isn’t to say that DJ AM is a bad dude or that it’s easy to kick drugs but it’s not exactly inspiring that the host of a show about kicking your drug habit dies from a drug overdose. Do you see what I’m saying here? The guys credibility is completely ruined.

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SEPTA STRIKE!

By: Billy BeerSlugger

After reading my colleague Robby Ripchord’s article today I thought I would touch on SEPTA as well.  SEPTA Transportation Workers Union 324 voted unanimously to authorize a strike.  So now the riders of busses, trolleys and subways in Philadelphia are now subject to service interruptions should the Union decide to send it’s 5,000 plus workers to the picket line.

Coincidentally, (obviously not coincidental)  this strike threat is at the exact time that the World Series would be going on.  When tens of thousands of drunken people will come from all parts of the city and surrounding area to descend upon the South Philadelphia Sports Complexes.  Afterward these people will want a ride home.  If they can’t get home I can’t even imagine the carnage this city will endure as people flip over cars, light fires, climb slicked up lightpolls and generally destroy everything in sight.  One thing you don’t want to give a drunken Philadelphia sports fan, win or lose, is a reason to get completely angry and break shit.  And that’s if people can even get to the game. If people can;t get to the game there may be even more hell to pay.

SEPTA’s union does not want to increase their health care contributions from 1 to 4% and also are balking about a “wage freeze”. Which is a better term than “massive layoff”.  However, I doubt the TWU  will get much sympathy from the Philadelphia public on this when everyone else, including city employees are facing the same thing.

The union has been working without a contract since March which definitely gets good faith points when the negotiating begins.  The bad thing is that threatening a strike during a World Series is in effect extortion, definite buku negative good faith points.  As if you couldn’t decide to strike before or after the Phils are in the Series.  This is what they call a little bit of leverage.

I guess the good thing is that the regional rail is on a separate union(s) so that obviously still operates and people can get in and out of the city that way to partake in the Phillies Fever and also work. However, there is no regional rail stop in South Philly and unless you’re driving, taking a cab or have a bike, you’re hoofing it from City Hall to 1 Citizens Bank Way.

SEPTA and it’s Union do not see eye to eye on things and that’s fine, but strike after the Phils win the series or there may not be transit lines left to drive subways through if the drunken masses can’t get to or out of South Philly.  I’ll personally start whacking away at the Girard Ave exit on the Market-Fankford line.  They should have used some of that 1.31 million from the economic stimulus to redo that piece of shit anyway.  Consider it free labor.

Overall, while hundreds of thousands of people are out of work, TWU 234 says lets strike for better benefits and wages. Seems logical to me. Tell you what, lets have them strike and then fill most of their mindless jobs like the Subway Cashiers with people who do actually want to work.  I mean besides the people who actually fix busses, trolleys, trains and other technical things how hard could the rest of the jobs really fucking be?  Drive a bus, subway train or trolley? I mean as long as you don’t hit anyone or anything and make pickups at all the stops along the route then you’re golden baby.

Good article here.

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Introducing Dom Richezza

Evel Knievel Limited Edition Nike's.
Evel Knievel Limited Edition Nike's.

New Jersey Correspondent: Dom Richezza

So I’m at the bar Saturday night in Old City, decked out in my favorite Ed Hardy t-shirt, my John Deere trucker hat (straight brim and tilted to the side), my gold chains, got my Sean John jean shorts on and of course my limited edition Evel Knievel Nike’s.

The broads at the bar are ok, nothing I can’t get for a price at the massage parlor and probably a lot more of a hassle. So I get a round of beers and start the reconnaissance mission to spot the cuties. I’m upstairs, I’m downstairs I check out the bathroom scene. I settle in on the first floor and see a group of baby girls and the one of them is kinda eying me up. She’ll look over, ill notice, then shell look away and giggle with her friends.

After I get another beer I get tired of sitting on the fence waiting for something to happen so I just go over there. Start talking up the one broad that was giving me the eyes but I wasn’t really sure if she was feeling it. My mind was a little cloudy at this point anyway from the Jager and the blunt we smoked on the ride over the bridge.

Tried to get the whole group of girls in a little parle but that didn’t seem like it was working either. At this point I’m like fuck it, I start talking to the original girl off to the side and ask her what was up. I’m telling her I came over to talk to her because she was giving me the eyes and she denies it.  Like I didn’t see her give me the “I wanna fuck you eyes from across the bar” and then start laughing.

Finally, I’m like whatever honey, you wanna play hard to get, I’m too good for you anyway and started to walk away. Then this broad starts spouting off about my outfit and Ed hardy sucks and trucker hats went out 3 years ago, my shoes are ridiculous and my friends look like they should be on Growing Up Gotti with the haircuts. So I go right back at her telling her my shoes cost more than her whole skank outfit, that the trucker hat let my head breathe  in the heat and that i’d rather have this Ed Hardy shirt than a blow job from her. Bitch was dumbfounded, didn’t know what to say, kinda walked away in a huff and a puff with her hoity toity ass.  I know she still wanted me.

I mean seriously, my shoes are limited edition and the design on the Ed Hardy shirt I love so much I’m getting it tattooed on my torso sometime after the rims on my Cutlas are paid off.

So of course this girl completely took me off my game and subsequent attempts to entertain some baby girls failed. She got me all flustered.  So I grab my boys and we head back to the car.

Were walking somewhere on Delaware Ave to the parking lot and see some douche bag and this all right looking Betty he had beside him. Right then B starts hollerin’ at this broad and the douche bag really don’t like it. Starts getting in B’s face and then Jimmy just sucker punches the dude and he’s down in a HEAP!

So you got the douchebag laid out on the street, his bitch is crying her eyes out telling me to stop kicking him and Jimmy is bitching and complaining that he thinks he just broke his hand, which later we found out that he did.

Meanwhile, were on the Ben Franklin bridge and B gets pulled over for speeding or some shit. Motherfucker gets arrested for dui, cop finds the blunt roach in the ash tray and Jimmy almost got caught with a perk 30 but swallowed it as soon as the cop told B to get out of the car.

Man I aint had a night this fun since everyone took Ecstasy in Danny Avelos backyard and we ended up getting chased by the cops naked down the streets of Maple Shade after we broke into the swim club to go skinny dipping.

B won’t be driving for awhile though. I got him my lawyers number who handled my aggravated assault case. And Jimmy got a cast and were gonna get Sal to draw some Ed Hardy shit on there. Gonna look tight.

That’s all from Jersey, ill check back with you fag ass Philly guys after the next adventure.

Peace

Dom

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Twitter? What’s that?

twitterBy: Billy BeerSlugger

So a lot of my friends have asked me what Twitter is.  That’s all you ever hear about nowadays, Twitter, Tweet’s, Twats. “You’re a computer guy, you should know this stuff”, they say.

From what I’ve read, it’s a mico-blogging tool.  Where BeerSlugger.com is a blog and has no real limit on the amount of text, Twitter has a post limit on characters that is about the same as a text message (SMS).  You can actually Twitter (effectively post text to your account and have it show up on the website) from your phone using Text messages so that I’m guessing comes in handy on the go.  Though if I wanted to I could post something to BeerSlugger.com from my Blackberry (I’m a one upper).  I’m not sure what is so important that you couldn’t wait to go home and post on a regular blog or website but I guess if everyone else is jumping off a bridge I should too.

Anyway, I’m hip, I’m cool, I know who the Jonas Brothers are and I use Twitter.

Check me out at http://twitter.com/beerslugger

Eventually I’ll try and incorporate the Twitter into the BeerSlugger.com once i figure out what I can use it for besides sending messages while in the bathroom.  Preliminary ideas include segments called “Toilet Talk” and “Droppin’ Knowledge While Dropping A Deuce”.

Let me know what you guys think.

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Miss California, Gay Backlash, The Liberal & Right Wing Media

By: W.J. BeerSlugger

Usually I try to stay away from these crappy political battles that don’t matter and actually detract, if anything, from the real news the Mega Corporations that run the news should be reporting on.  However, I kind of can’t stay away from this one.

I guess i’ll give you a brief synopsis of the back story that started this sh!tstorm.  Carrie Prejean, Miss California and a contestant for Miss America was asked by Celebrity Blogger (and noted Homosexual) Perez Hilton, a judge, what her thoughts were on Gay Marriage.  Ms. Prejean answered that she did not believe in same sex marriage, stating she was brought up that way.

You gotta give her a little credit for sticking to her guns.  In this day and age where supporting Gay Marriage (publicly) is akin to peeing your pants in the movie Billy Madison, it’s refreshing to see someone in the spotlight answer that question opposingly.

So Miss California did not win Miss America and afterward, judge Perez Hilton went on to to a Youtube video describing why she lost and calling her some mean names:

I guess he makes a good point, she could have answered in the way that takes the personal belief out of it and puts the onus on state or federal government.  That’s the politcially correct way to handle that question.  Nonetheless, the way she answered the question doesn’t make her wrong.  It’s her opinion (unless otherwise scripted by Donald Trump’s minions).

Now for the last week or so all you hear on the news and read about on news websites is Miss California this and Carrie Prejean that.  So you have the right wing media supporting her for opposing gay marriage and the left wing media bashing her for being a whore naive model.

The left wing media bringing out that she allegedly posed topless for some photos while younger, which is against pageant rules.  Also that, allegedly, the Miss California pageant company paid for breast implants.

Surprisingly, all I can think about is WHO FUCKING CARES WHAT MS. CALIFORNIA THINKS ABOUT SAME SEX MARRIAGE!  She’s in a beauty pageant not running for office.  Get this story off my iGoogle newsfeed page and out of what little TV news I watch (but keep me informed if any more naked pictures come out).

What really drove me to write this article was a piece i saw on the Kieth Olberman program.  I was so angry with it I actually watched the whole 6 minute 40 second clip.  Here it is:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I can’t stand Kieth Olbermann . I can’t believe people on the left take his gospel as the Word of God when a few years ago this guy was spouting out one-liners at dunks and home runs as a sports jockey for ESPN.  I got into a discussion with a bar patron recently and he was all about Olbermann.  Saying how he thought Kieth was great American and that he loved his rants.  I’ll admit Olbermann can spout off a good rant but I’d look pretty serious too if I had a ton of writers coming up with rant content for me.  As I delved more deeply into the root of his man crush on Olbermann the guy says, “He really goes after Bill O’Reilly and I hate that guy.”.  I guess that’s a valid point but going after Bill O’ is why Olbermann is even a blip on the news anchor radar these days.  It’s why people like him and from what I’ve seen he has devoted a lot of time to the subject.  He’s more known for policing Bill O’Reilly show than his own journalism.

After conveying these tidbits to the bar patron he accuses me of being a Bill O’Reilly lover which I denied.  I told him I try to get my news and opinion from less biased sources.  I cited that I thought both O’Reilly and Olbermann were puppets of their respectively right and left leaning TV networks and thus reported stories a certain way for political and or economic interests.

“Oh well you gotta admit Olbermann is better then O’Reilly… come on”.  I said that’s kind of like saying Athelete’s Foot is better than Jock Itch in my book chief!

One of the more Hilarious points about the Miss California story is that everyone knows who she is now and she’s not even Miss America.  Anyone know Miss America’s name?  I bet she’s pissed.  She won and the runner up is the big story.

note:  Sorry, this should have been two posts and I really didn’t want to overuse the videos in the article but that’s just the way it happened.  Better journalism when I start getting paid and bow into the will of the interests of my sponsors.

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Wiggers… Life Imitating Art… Imitating Thuglife

By: Billy Beerslugger

As I am transitioning from the suburbs back to Philadelphia after almost a year, one thing I’m not going to miss is the fake ass Wiggers that have popped up in the neighborhood i grew up in.  It’s like the student body of  my old high school (and apparently 90% of the bar crowd), who are Caucasian mind you, dress in Sean John, Fubu, hoodies, hat’s tilted to the side with a straight brim and solid color or airbrushed t-shirt that’s 3 sizes too big.

wigger-42888So take these guys above for instance.  Flashing signs of some sort, maybe trying to convey they are from the West Coast, maybe Westmont High School, maybe W was the letter of the day on Sesame Street, I don’t know.  What I do know is that these are the types of harmless hooligans I see on the streets of the neighborhoods I patrol at night while working as a freelance vigilante. They’re up on the “urban” dialect that they hear in movies and the latest song featuring T-Pain.  Spouting out words and phrases such as “crunk”, “bling” and “supaman dat hoe”.  Listening to Lil’ Wayne’s Tha Carter 14 in the car their mom and dad got them for their 17th birthday.  For this car they got fake rims and a speaker system that makes the trunk rattle like when you rip a fart on a leather couch.

Quick to talk shit and challenge someone to a fight while their boys are there but ultimately back down and end up talking shit from behind their biggest friend.  Because they’re “Gangsta”, “I’m a Thug”. They’re in the “game” cause they sell weed to their friends and know a guy who can get Percocets.  Probably got a karaoke machine in the basement they’re making a demo tape on with some recycled beats thinking they’re gonna be tha next Eminem.

What I’d really like to do is scoop up all these wannabees I can find, put them on a bus, take their cell phones and wallets and drop them off in the middle of North Philly.  We’ll see how gangster you are then.  Shit done changed then, walking out of North Philly with no shirt on cause a group of real thugs approached you and said they didn’t have a Ed Hardy shirt from Macy’s but wanted one real bad.

It makes me laugh.  Acting like a thug while being raised and currently residing in the suburbs is oxymoronic.  You get ZERO street cred for that.  Have one of your friends shoot you in the leg and say it was over a drug deal.  Then maybe people will take you seriously.

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The Lost City of the Incas – Machu Picchu

By: Luan Zuccarello

Machu Picchu is an ancient Inca site located in the mountains of Peru and is definitely one of the first things to do on my Bucket List.  It was built around 1460 AD but was abandoned 100 years later due mostly to smallpox.  The architectural and agricultural techniques put forth by Incas were revolutionary and are the basis for these industries today.  Machu Picchu was built by using polished dry-stone walls.  These walls were put together using the technique “ashlar”, in which blocks of stone are cut to fit together tightly WITHOUT MORTAR!  The Incas were the best stone masons in the world and is said that a blade of grass could not even fit between the stones.  I don’t know about you but I can’t even buy a TV stand from IKEA and put it together, not to mention make it last for over 500 years!

Machu Picchu is said to be a holy site with most of their structures pointed to important Incan astrological signs.  One structure the Intihuatana Stone was said to hold the sun in place and is arranged to point directly at the sun during the winter solstice.  Along with being a spiritual place, Machu Picchu was well fortified atop a high mountain plateau.  The city sits in a saddle between two mountains, with a commanding view down into two valleys and a nearly impassable mountain at its back. It has a water supply from springs that cannot be blocked easily, and enough land to grow food for about four times as many people as ever lived there.  The city was built on levels or platforms that allowed rain fall to pour down and collect at the lower levels.  The Incas planted their crops this way.  The crops that needed more rain fall and water at the bottom and the ones that needed less were planted at the top.  This led to fertile ground, less land erosion, and less work to maintain their food.

In 2007 Machu Picchu was voted as one of the new 7 Wonders of the World.  There is also a legend that Incan women were the ones who made the beer or “chica”.  The women were bigger drunks then the men, often hosting wild parties.  Not any woman could brew beer, she had to be chosen for this task based on beauty and nobility.  The brewery used to get so hot that most of the time these “brew-masters” had to remove their clothing and work in the nude.  Damn….What I wouldn’t give to have been an Inca.

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Mass Shootings …. Mass Media

By: Billy Beerslugger

In the last month or so about 47 people have been shot and killed in mass shootings by multiple gun persons.  American media picks up on this stuff and runs with it for days at a time in each case.  Updates, bio’s, theorizing, re-enacting, interviews and opinions litter the airways.

Now don’t get me wrong, it is terrible and a tragedy when American lives are lost for no reason.  I am in no way a fan of senseless violence.  However, do I really need to know about this?  Do i need to know 5 people were shot 7 states away from me by a crazed gunman?  Yes I’m guessing it is important to alert the people occupying the town it occured in about this situation, but why the hell does America need to know.  I would say in a vast majority of these cases, thats exactly what the gunperson wants, national recognition.  Shoot a bunch of people, go out in a blaze of glory and get your picture plastered on every news station in the country as well as everyone knowing your full (including middle) name.  Forever known as a crazy badass dude that shot as many people as he could before shooting himself or getting taken out by SWAT team.

All this oversaturated coverage of these events only serves to invite more and more of these tragedies.  Some misguided person see’s this crap on TV and decides they will do the same thing.  Makes me think of when the government shuts down some illegal file sharing site, 10 more pop up and thousands more people check out illegal file sharing sites because they saw them on TV.  Effectively defeating the purpose of what the government set out to do.

So why do people need to know about a mass shooting?  Why is there incessant mass media coverage of it?  Do people enjoy seeing other people in pain?  I certainly don’t unless it’s the show Intervention (my guilty pleasure). Is it empathy?  Are they afraid something like this could happen in their town?  Well I’ve got news for those people.  You could walk out of your house and slip and fall and die.  Every time you get into a car you run a risk.  What are you going to do not go out and live in a paralyzing fear of the outside world?

Yes these events are news worthy but are not all consuming. There’s other stuff going on in the world.  In third world countries 10 people being shot doesn’t mean shit.  It happens all the time.  People die.. life goes on.

So again, I’m not saying it’s not a terrible tragedy that people were shot for no good reason, I just don’t want to be inundated with the details of it.  Tell me it happened and move on.

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Messing with Cab Drivers

cab
Driver's Rights and Responsibilities

By Gene Yuss

I’m a businessman. I dress like a business man. When you see me on the corner during a business day waiting to cross the street I probably looked hurried. I have business meetings to get to. When you see me on elevators, in cabs, or God help me slumming it on buses I’m checking my Blackberry. I have decisions to make, axes to grind, and fish to fry. I use business jargon constantly. All I talk about is the net effect, creating synergies, and networking opportunities. I just got back from London – business. In two weeks I’ll be in Orlando – conference.

With a fast-paced life it is important to step back and enjoy the simple things. Here’s a fun game I found while waiting for business associates.

Without question if you stand on the corner in business attire cabs will honk at you as they drive by. Philadelphia either has the highest concentration of homosexual cab drivers ever, or they are hoping for your fare.

Smile at them when they honk. They will slam on the breaks and change lanes faster than Dominic Toretto. It is hilarious to watch them put themselves and everyone else driving around them in extreme danger. It is as if they think you are the businessman equivalent of John Madden, and you need to get to Chicago immediately. Their ship has finally come in…

Once they pull over, usually half a block away, they will honk again. Smile and wave politely to their rear-view. After a minute or two they will realize that they have stopped for no reason. The reaction is priceless. These guys can’t speak a lick of English when you get in the car, but they can throw expletives with the clarity of Veronica Corningstone when you wrong them.

I had a buddy that used to give business cards to cab drivers and ask them to call him before the next 9/11 so he could stay home. Not a fun game. First, you’re in the car and the irate anti-bather can reach you. Second, it is racial profiling. Not cool. Mess with all cab drivers, not just those pushing the security measures at the airport to orange.

Note: I have seen four cab accidents to date, based on completely unrelated circumstances. If an accident is caused, this game doesn’t exist. It is probably not a good idea to be a witness either for police report purposes.

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Big Brother… No not the TV show.

obamahopeprogressNot all news is good news coming from the Obama administration. While the American media focuses on the economy and Cramer vs. Stewart, lost is what is going on with some of our civil liberties guaranteed by the Constitution.

The Obama administration voted for Immunity for the Telephone Companies from lawsuits for participating in the Bush administration’s domestic spy program and included new and broad warrant-less surveillance powers in the bill.

However, that isn’t the only infringement the administration has made in it’s first 100 days in office.  They have also decided that the Constitution does not protect cell-site records.  A cell site record is essentially information about what cell phone tower your cell phone is connected to.  Effectively giving away your approximate location at all times that your phone is on.

Now I’m all for using creative ways like approximating a persons location at a certain day/time to put them at the place of some sort of crime.  I’m with that.  I loved the HBO show “The Wire” and can appreciate law enforcement doing everything they can to catch the bad guys.  It has to be within reason though.  If you need this cell-site record to help solve a crime get a warrant and you get the records on that phone.  What is the point of having everyone’s cell-site records available to the government though?  Why does the government need this info so readily available without a warrant?

Jennifer Granick, the civil liberties director for the Electronic Frontier Foundation stated, “Almost everybody in the United States carries or will carry a cell phone… This tracking ability is a means where the government can find out the location of pretty much everybody without much effort or expense.” (from a wired article)

I realize we are in slightly different times.  No president wants another 9/11 under their watch.  Why keep tabs on everyone though?  Why not just the bad guys (or potential bad guys).  And then if they do the tracking just for the bad guys, who’s to say who’s a bad guy?  Under what criteria are you categorized as a security risk or terrorist?  The US Terror Watch list currently holds over 900,000 names and bio’s and adds about 20,000 names to the list every month.

Obviously I’m not the president and am not in charge of protecting millions of American’s.  I am not trying to trivialize “the big picture” in terms of keeping America safe.  Be that as it may, I still like to adhere to what the founding fathers had in mind.  One of my favorite persons of all time, Ben Franklin, was quoted to say, “He who would trade liberty for some temporary security, deserves neither liberty nor security.”.  I think that quote really sums up the point of this post.

Note: Next time I kill a hooker I’m definitely turning my phone off so Big Brother cannot place me at the scene of the crime.