Author: geneyuss

By: Gene soft cialis Yuss

 

I took a hiatus for the summer.  Between the beach, getting into grad school and conquering NASDAQ I really didn’t have the appropriate amount of time to devote to BeerSlugger.com.  But the summer is over and I must vent…

At an early age we are taught some of the basic fundamentals of life: look both ways when you cross the street, cover your mouth when you sneeze (apparently the sleeve is better than your hand – thanks mom), etc.  Most of these simple actions people are becoming more and more too inconsiderate to continue.  But there is one lack of sense and decency that I just cannot take any longer.

Since when did people give up eating like a respectable human being?  Why is it that every business meal I attend has without question someone that chews with their mouth open?  This is probably one of the most disgusting habits that somehow eked its way American culture.  Next time you are out and people are eating look around – everyone is doing it.  There are probably not many mannerisms that spans Democrats and Republicans/fat broads and models, but lack of courtesy to your fellow diners does.

Even less appealing than the uncouth open mouth cialis pill chewer is the noise-making-chewer.  There are certain people in my life that do this.  I try to help cure them of this coarse behavior, but these kind of people don’t seem to want help.  They don’t realize they have a problem.  Maybe we need to take a page out of the ‘How I Met Your Mother‘ script and start holding interventions for deplorable public behavior.  It would be LEGENDARY…

Is it just me, or does it seem like everyone is acting as though they are on a casting audition for ‘The Flamingo Kid‘?  While this is one of my favorite Matt Dillon characters, second only to “Damn, all I have are these Nepalese coins,” I really wouldn’t want to eat with the guy.

The few of you out there with class – and given this website’s audience I may have the wrong venue here – I implore you to assist me.  Others’ parents have failed them.  Society at large has failed them.  We cannot and must not fail them too!

Every person that I interview I also take out to eat.  If they chew with their mouth open, then their resume hits the shredder.  Qualified or not, blonde or not… you have to pass the first test.  It is not much, but it is a start.  The last thing that I need is to have an 8:30 res’ at Dorsia and my date have rice fall out of her mouth in front of Paul Allen…

By: Gene Yuss

I cialis order am going to start off that this is not necessarily a business policy, but a phenomenon that I viagra professional have seen in the business world.  None-the-less it is something that I have seen in office restrooms around the world and it absolutely drives me crazy.

I don’t make it a habit to notice what people do or don’t do when they are in the bathroom.  I like to think of that as some special private time to break up the normal business day.  However, I have noticed an alarming growth in the amount of people walking to the sink with their pants completely undone.  It is as if men have peaked at their bathroom prowess in the second grade.  Remember when you used to pull your pants down to your knees (some of you ankles) and then hold your shirt up?  Don’t act like you didn’t do it…

Businessmen seem to think that the only way to can go to the bathroom is by unbuttoning their pants, undoing their belt, and then going over the top of their underwear.  Do these people not realize that the zipper and the slit in their underwear line up perfectly for an easy exit?  People have spent hundreds of years developing fashion that is both useful and aesthetically pleasing.  Needing to completely take down your pants to urinate is a slap in the face of Mugatu and company.  There is no need to do anything further then unzip, pop out, and do your business.

Do you really expect me take your seriously in our 10 AM meeting when you go to the bathroom like a toddler?  If you are yet to master the art of the trouser, then how am I supposed to believe you can retrocede a stop-loss aggregate?  Absolutely no chance.

Men please listen.  Pee like an adult.  We need to improve our bathroom behavior in general.  Other suggestions, which will not be elaborated upon here, are simply:

• Urinate in a urinal and sit at the toilet.  Period.
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• If you get stage fright and insist on urinating in the toilet, then put the seat up for the benefit of people behind you that plan on sitting.
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• Whoever is balling up toilet paper and throwing it in the corner, please just drop it in the toilet.
• Don’t be afraid to write a phone number or quick haiku on the wall.  Why is this the only thing we have improved upon?

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By: Gene Yuss

 

 

 

INTRODUCTION:

 

As previously indicated in a prior article, I work in Big Business.  I love the smell of commerce in the morning.  I’m currently stationed on Wall Street for a project.  Yes I consult – I’m a problem solver.

  I stay in nice hotels, eat at lavish restaurants, and rub elbows with executives.

 

In the course of wheeling and dealing I come across some things that completely blow my mind.  I can’t fathom what exactly the genius that made the decision was thinking…  This will be the first of a weekly series that will air these grievances (I’m aware it is very “Grinds My Gears”-esque… Deal with it).

 

You will recognize my rise to power as these grievances become fixed.  Someone has to bring some logic to this topsy-turvy world that we live in!

 

DIALING OUT WHEN IN AN OFFICE BUILDING

 

For those of you that are unaware, there is a certain protocol that businesspeople have to follow when attempting to place a call in an office building.  You must first dial “9” to get out of the building connections, then “1” for the long distance, and finally the number you intend to call.

 

Twice in my life I have had an extremely unpleasant result from placing a call while in the office.  These incidents were extremely uncalled for and could have undoubtedly been avoided.

 

Picture this: you need to call the Ritz in Boston to make sure the simpleton at the concierge desk properly arranged for your suite.  You dial “9”, then “1”, and then you unexplainably sneeze on queue and press the “1” again.  The natural reaction is to realize your error, hang up and place the call again.  You have just inadvertently crank-called 911.

 

The cities of Denver and New York (New York being a week or so ago) have both felt the wrath of a 911 crank-call from myself.

 

Denver: Three years ago.  The police responded in record time.  There were five cop cars that arrived to the office within 10 minutes.  Several of them stormed the office building and eventually made their way to the conference room that I was stationed in.  I was still speaking with my supervisor at the time, but the phone call was unfortunately cut short by the irate questioning of Denver’s finest.  They appreciated my honesty and left glad to have a potential crisis averted.

 

New York:  Apparently in the wake of 9/11 and during an economic crisis the NYPD has trouble finding the lighter side of certain situations.  Accompanied by a team of secret service / SWAT / miscellaneous security personnel, New York’s finest stormed the office on Pine Street.  The first two officers had their guns drawn and swept the floor while the supporting cast locked down the elevator area.  I explained what happened and attempted to crack a joke about them over-pursuing a perpetrator like Enos chasing the General Lee.  I didn’t even get a chuckle!

 

 

Why does the first number have to be “9”?  Why are we setting ourselves up for this disaster?  We could have probably used any of the other numbers and not created this possibility for disaster.  Granted that “1” wouldn’t make very much sense for redundancy and “0” is dedicated for the operator, but that leaves seven other numbers that are all great choices.

 

211 – information about local health and human services

311 – information about government services

411 – white pages phone directory

511 – provides transportation information (traffic, public transportation, etc.)

611 – used to report problems with telephone services

711 – a relay service that allows deaf people to converse over the phone through an operator

811 – a direct line to your telephone company that is providing your current service

 

Taking these current conventions into consideration, the obvious choices are “6” and “7”.

 

“6” would probably be my first choice.  Obviously if you are having a problem with your telephone service, then CALLING the company to tell them is going to be difficult.  For those of you that have another phone, cell phone, stripper that lets you borrow her mobile, etc. than you can simply call 811 or the company’s designated 1-800 number.  Also, “6” looks very similar to “9” so the transition should be seamless.  However, “6” is close to “9” on the keypad and really leaves open the possibility of a miss-key.  Yet, being the first number dialed you should recognize your mistake well before striking a second “1”.

 

“7” is also a great choice.  I vote this second simply because someone somewhere is going to freak out that we are taking away rights from the handicapped.  While I prefer to avoid such arguments, I’m not going to turn a blind eye to this one (zing!).  With all of the technology and telecommunications in the world that we have today there is absolutely no need for a deaf person to rely on the telephone.  The mere thought of this is incredulous.  I called the company while I was writing this article to get further information.  They were furious that I was not deaf and using their service.  I started responding “What?!” every time they asked something and they hung up on me.  Again my humor was lost…  “7” is probably a better choice because of location on the keypad, but I’m not volunteering to have a discussion with the deaf on why their relay service was discontinued.

 

In conclusion, “9” was a terrible choice simply because 911 is a line dedicated for emergencies.  The emergencies that go through their switchboards should never be delayed because of juvenile mischief or ill-timed mucus.  Really – What was the Business World Thinking?

 

 

Here’s a history lesson on bocce and some other fun facts…

 

Throwing balls toward a target is the oldest game known to mankind. As early as 5000 B.C. the Egyptians played a form of bocce with polished rocks. Graphic representations of figures tossing a ball or polished stone have been recorded as early as 5200 B.C. While bocce today looks quite different from its early predecessors, the unbroken thread of bocce’s lineage is the consistently common objective of trying to come as close to a fixed target as possible. The Romans learned the game from the Greeks, and then introduced it throughout the Empire. The Roman influence in bocce is preserved in the game’s name; bocce is the plural of the Italian word boccia, which means “bowl”).

 

The early Romans were among the first to play a game resembling what we know as bocce today. In early times they used coconuts brought back from Africa and later used hard olive wood to carve out bocce balls. Beginning with Emperor Augustus, bocce became the sport of statesman and rulers. From the early Greek physician Ipocrates to the great Italian Renaissance man Galileo, the early participants of bocce have noted that the game’s athleticism and spirit of competition rejuvenates the body.

 

My father is a fastidious Catholic, and while I share his faith, I do like to take the occasional jab at the Church to remind him that blind faith is as dangerous as mesh condoms…Writers side-note: During the 15^th century bocce was condemned by the Catholic Church, which deterred the laity and officially prohibited clergyman from playing the game by proclaiming bocce a means of gambling.

 

And I’m proud to be an American… The earliest record of a bocce court in America can be found at the southern tip of Manhattan.  Those of you in NYC that brave the 4/5 to work everyone morning would be more acquainted with the name “Bowling Green”.  The first President to have a bocce court was George Washington – the court was built at Mount Vernon in the 1780s.

 

As if you needed another reason to go to Vegas… Caesars Palace has a summertime lunch-and-booze service at its Italian restaurant, Rao’s. But rather than just have grilled food outside, the place is stepping it up with bocce courts and some Bocce Bellas (pictured above), ostensibly hanging out to help you with your game.