By Gene Yuss
We see a lot of “Go Green” propaganda urging you to save the environment. As if I have time to worry about the latest drive to save the whales and kill the babies that the liberals are slamming down my throat…
Any way, some of the statistics are so hilarious that it almost pushes me to the point of environmental unfriendliness in Dennis Leary’s “Asshole” (FYI – Rescue Me is a dominant show and season five premiers 4/7/09).
Statistic on a Go Green Flyer: “It takes a styrofoam cup over 500 years to biodegrade.”
Fact: Styrofoam was invented by the good people at the Dow company around 50 years ago. Initial research began in the early 1900s when The Dow Chemical Company invented a process for extruding polystyrene to achieve a closed cell foam that resists moisture.
Trademark Warning: Today, the Dow Styrofoam brand includes a variety of building materials (including insulated sheathing and housewrap), pipe insulation and floral and craft products. But there isn’t a coffee cup, cooler or packaging material in the world made from Styrofoam. These common disposable items are typically white in color and are made of expanded polystyrene beads. They do not provide the insulating value, compressive strength or moisture resistance properties of Styrofoam products. In order to protect the Dow trademarked name “Styrofoam“, such other material should be referred to by the generic term “foam.”
Conclusion 1: Hippies please watch your use of Styrofoam. Styrofoam keeps you warm in the winter while you pass around your peace pipes. Foam is what I waste like it is going out of style. I waste a lot more foam today (among many other non-biodegradable items) to make up for the slack created by environmentalists. Take that Al Gore!
Conclusion 2: If you continue to use the trademarked Styrofoam I’m going to turn you into Dow’s law department. They may only get your hacky-sack and Grateful Dead albums in subsequent lawsuits, but The Man will vanquish his enemies!
Conclusion 3: Stop making up statistics! It was only invented 50 years ago. You can’t possibly know it takes 500 years. That number either came to you in a psychedelic trip, you got the first foam cup ever and it just degraded (not to mention that you put an extra zero on the flyer), or you just want to impress intelligent people with numbers. You may have fooled Cameron Diaz, but you’re Trippin’ if you think you’re going to get me…