By: Billy BeerSlugger
It’s 2:33am on Sunday morning and I thought I’d talk a little bit about status. This isn’t the kind that is perceived or inferred, it’s the kind of status you give yourself. What I’m talking about is the status on your Facebook, MySpace or whatever means you’re using for your social networking these days. I didn’t include Twitter because I’m not sure there is a status associated with Tweets, but whatever and who’s counting.
The point is, if your girlfriend (or boyfriend) voluntarily changes their social network status after a verbal disagreement to anything besides “It’s complicated”, IT’S OVER. Don’t call her, don’t write her, don’t IM her, don’t text message her, don’t write her a song on the guitar, don’t email her mother, just don’t do anything. You will save yourself a lot of time and aggravation.
No self respecting person would announce to the digital world that she is now single without talking it over with you first, unless of course you beat her. If you come across this situation please pick up your dignity off the floor, go home, put on a Coldplay album and cry and masturbate until you fall asleep. I promise the sun will come up tomorrow and things will get progressively better. Do commit yourself to the obvious truth though that, IT’S OVER.
With all the means of communication nowadays, it’s gotten a lot easier to break up with someone and not physically have to face them to do it. As much bullshit as I’ve pulled in my life I never thought about breaking up with a girl over a social network or email or text message and I’ve done some pretty inexcusable shit.
That being said, if this happens to you, you gotta write it off as a loss. If it had to end non-face to face then that should definitely tell you something about what kind of person you were dating. And if you find yourself in the position of getting into an argument with your significant other, don’t play the status game either. Leave your social network status alone until your figure out what the hell is going on. Don’t make any hasty moves chief, because once the status is changed, it’s over. You can’t take back a status change.
It’s funny to see actually. A person triumphantly announcing to the world that they’re single again after a breakup. This person will inevitably receive messages from friends and would be suitors ranging from, “Oh my god what happened?” to “I’m glad your single, can I take you out for a drink”. Probably altering their profile to reflect the new period in life they are excitedly about to embark on.
Breakup’s are tough but when life gives you lemons you gotta make lemonade. Just make sure to pour a whole lot of vodka in that lemonade.
Note: I fell asleep writing this on the kitchen table after a bar trip, sorry for the lack of congruence in times.