80’s Flashback – Back to the Future

flux_capacitor
The Flux Capacitor is what makes Time Travel Possible.

One of the greatest movie franchises of all time, Back to the Future starred a childhood hero of mine, Michael J. Fox and an insane but brilliant Christopher Loyd as Doc Brown.  The series as I’m sure you know focuses on time travel and hijinks encountered by going back or forward in time and changing their events.

I’m at the bar today in honor of St. Patrick and I’m talking to my friend.  We got to talking about Back to the Future a little bit and then time-travel.

The majority of the discussion was my argument that going back in time to change an event (say that fat chick you banged in sophomore year) is not possible. I cited the Grandfather Paradox where, if time travel were possible, a grandson could go back in time to kill his grandfather before they were born. Effectively making it so that the grandson was never born. However, if the grandson was never born, how could he kill his grandfather? And thus the Paradox… much like the chicken and the egg.

If you went back in time to stop yourself from banging that fat chick in Sophomore year you would never have had the reason to go back in time to stop yourself from banging that fat chick. See what I’m saying? So this is why I deem Time Travel (or at least backward time travel) to be theoretically impossible.

My buddy comes up with this alternate reality scenario that when you go back in time you are actually in a separate reality coexisting with one’s own (a parallel universe).  That’s like going back in time would actually place you in a separate reality  than the one you actually existed in.  And in this scenario would be able to change the future without worrying about the Grandfather Paradox. Since you are a visitor from the original reality, you would theoretically be able to kill your grandfather in the separate reality without repercussion. Your grandfather in the original reality still fathered your dad and thus your dad had fathered you even though your Grandfather in the alternate reality is dead.

I know, I know this may have been a little over your heads to contemplate right now but think about it.

If anything we proved that debating time-travel when you are 6 car bombs and a couple of beers deep is a great idea.  It’s how St. Patrick would have wanted it.

St Patty’s Day Fiasco

shamrock_logoSo I got pretty wasted last night again.  My two buds and I barhopped for 8 or so hours yesterday.  Spent some time in Tir Na Nog and the 90% to 10% Cock to Girl ratio and no room to breathe.  Eventually we settled somewhere on south st. (Paddy Whacks) around 11pm for the long haul to 2am.

Things got a little out of hand when we befriended a group of girls and made the first floor bar the dance floor.  Shots were being thrown around like it was some sort of contest.  My friend and one of the girls had an irish jig danceoff.  I had no idea he could do the irish jig up until then.  I asked him where he learned it and he said it was an elective in college. Go figure.

Anyway the ugly lights came on and hijinks came to an abrupt end.  There was a brief notion of driving to AC with these girls but that was decided against somehow.

We get back to my buddies place and everyone needs to eat so we raid the fridge.  Ellio’s pizza, Pizza Bagel bites and Nacho’s were on the menu (no wonder it looks like I’m pregnant).  So I put the first slice of Ellio’s in the toaster oven but it took awhile.  So my friend takes the remaining two slices puts them on a baking dish and places them into the oven, apparently also sprinking some more shredded cheese on top.

So we’re eating the first Ellio’s slice and after about 8 or so minutes my other friend and I check on the oven while the guy who put the slices in there was checking on his dog.  My friend and I notice that the pizza slices look a little odd, a little more white than usual as if there was no sauce on the pizza.  Upon taking the slices out of the oven we realized that my friend had placed the Ellio’s cheese and sauce side down and then put extra cheese on the top (which was actually the bottom).  I’ll admit I ate a small piece of it because I was so drunk I didn’t care but how the hell do you mistake the bottom of an ellios slice for the top?  Freaking Amateur!

Oh yea and Temple won the A-10 tourney again. Of course they completely sucked ass while I was there.

My Friday Night

So I decided after a heavy work week that I was going to stay in last night in an effort to conserve energy and get Super Wasted on Saturday in celebration of St. Paddy’s day (really I couldn’t find a drinking buddy).

I spent most of the night in the fetal position, crying and listening to Dashboard Confessional but I did manage to read a couple of things on the interweb about one of my Favorite Subjects, “Net Neutrality”.

Here are a couple of short reads:

Internet Protocol Treaty a ‘National Security’ Secret

“…would criminalize peer-to-peer file sharing, subject iPods to border searches and allow internet service providers to monitor their customers’ communications.”

Web Snooping

“…it was the fact that users had no choice in the matter… people were snooping on their web activity whether they liked it or not.”

People got all up in arms about the Patriot Act’s illegal wiretapping going on’s, but I think more people should be cognizant of web snooping.  Allowing your Internet Service Provider to gather information about your web browsing/data transfer habits etc.

If you want to prosecute people for illegally file sharing you have to prove it and pretty much the only way to prove that (save actually finding illegally downloaded files on a persons physical computer)  is monitoring web/data activity.

Now this isn’t about Illegal File Sharing or not wanting Comcast to know I watch Animal Porn on a regular basis, it’s about spying on you, user of the internet.  If they can snoop on your file sharing they can snoop on your email and online banking etc.  Going back to the whole wiretapping thing, I’m going to hypothesize that people do a lot more or at least as much of their interaction with other people/institutions over the interweb as they do over the phone.  So why don’t we hear more about web snooping and net neutrality on the tv news?  Is it because the same companies that control access to the internet are in cahoots with the corporations that control the TV Networks.

Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation (Fox), General Electric (NBC), Disney (ABC), Viacom/ Sumner Redstone (CBS)  and all their affiliates and subsidiaries have products and services that they would like to sell to you.  Knowing your browsing habits helps them effectively target these products and services for you.  They are already doing this on social networking sites like Facebook and Myspace, collecting information about you to display targeted advertising (you agreed to this in your terms of service).   While this may seem innocuous enough you have to ask what else they are doing.

MySpace: All your data belong to us
FACEBOOK: Federal Human Data Mining Program

I think the moral of the story is the internet is the last source of informational freedom in our country and I for one would like to keep it that way.

Once I figure out an effective way for you the Beerslugger audience to support Net neutrality I will post it here.

Structure – Defunct Men’s Clothing Store

structure

It’s still somewhat cold, I’m wearing long sleeve shirts but there’s no need for a full on jacket so I broke out the Marty McFly poofy vest (circa 1999 from Structure).  It’s got down feathers in there so you know it’s good, kind of like walking around in a cloud.

Anyway, my friend and I were talking over a couple of adult beverages about how much we liked Structure in the 90’s (and how ridiculous I looked in a 1990’s poofy vest).  Then suddenly, in the great year of our lord 2000,  Structure was merged with Express, a woman’s clothing store, under the brand Express Men’s.

So now essentially when you buy something from Express Men’s, you’re technically buying men’s clothing from a woman’s store.  Like if Victoria’s Secret sold men’s underwear under the brand Victoria Secret Mens.  Would you do that?

After some  investigative work I found the Structure brand was sold to Sears sometime after the merger.  I wouldn’t buy any article of clothing from Sears. When I think of Sears I think of ratchet sets and shit like that.

So Structure’s former Parent Company, Limited Brands, is pretty major.  They did about 9.7 billion dollars in revenue last year.  And at one point or another owned pretty much every store in the mall. Limited, Limited Too, Bath & Body Works, Structure, Victoria’s Secret, Lane Bryant, The White Barn Candle Company, Express, Lerner New York & Abercrombie & Fitch.

I’m leading a team of investors to rescue the Structure Brand from Sears and return it to it’s 1990’s dominance of male teenage prepsters.  The offer now stands at a block of sharp cheddar cheese, a stray cat, a case of Schlitz beer, a broken lava lamp, a $20 gift certificate to the Olive Garden and 10 shares of Citigroup (C), from our 301k, valued at the time of this article at $17.90. We need your help to sweeten the pot!

note: When I say “investigative work” I mainly mean Wikipedia.  And also feel free to write the article on Structure in Wikipedia because there is none. Please note in this article that the Beerslugger Group Ltd. is trying to acquire the Structure brand from the evil Sears Corporation.

80’s Flashback – Hall & Oates

So usually I’m doing 90’s Tuesdays and 80’s Thursdays but I got drunk last night and I didn’t get to it.

So here we are with the 80’s Flashback a day late: Hall & Oates, “Out of Touch”. Sons of Philadelphia, Hall & Oates had many hits including “Rich Girl”, “Kiss on My List”, “Private Eyes”, “I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do)”, “Maneater”.

They are on Philadelphia’s little known walk of fame on South Broad St. between Locust and Spruce along with other Philadelphia acts like Will Smith and DJ. Jazzy Jeff (I’m not making this up). I only know that this walk of fame is there because I used to live behind the Wilma Theater. Most people just walk over it not even knowing it’s there.

History of the Hoagie

A Wawa Hoagie
A Wawa Hoagie

The Hoagie is a Philadelphia tradition since the late 19th century.  During a drunken trip to Wawa last weekend a friend and I pondered the origin of the word “Hoagie”.  Not a Sub or Hero or Grinder or Torpedo. The Hoagie.

There is some debate about the origin of the word and we will layout, after extensive research, what these arguments are.

From Wikipedia:

“The term hoagie originated in the Philadelphia area. Domenic Vitiello, professor of Urban Studies at the University of Pennsylvania asserts that Italians working at the World War I shipyard in Philadelphia, known as Hog Island where emergency shipping was produced for the war effort, introduced the sandwich, by putting various meats, cheeses, and lettuce between two slices of bread. This became known as the “Hog Island” sandwich; hence, the “hoagie”.[7]

The Philadelphia Almanac and Citizen’s Manual offers a different explanation, that the sandwich was created by early twentieth century street vendors called “hokey-pokey men”, who sold antipasto salad, along with meats and cookies. When Gilbert and Sullivan’s operetta H.M.S. Pinafore opened in Philadelphia in 1879, bakeries produced a long loaf called the pinafore. Entrepreneurial “hokey-pokey men” sliced the loaf in half, stuffed it with antipasto salad, and sold the world’s first “hoagie”.[8]

Another explanation is that the word “hoagie” arose in the late 19th-early 20th century, among the Italian community in South Philadelphia, when “on the hoke” was a slang used to describe a destitute person. Deli owners would give away scraps of cheeses and meats in an Italian bread-roll known as a “hokie”, but the Italian immigrants pronounced it “hoagie.”[9] By 1955, restaurants throughout the area were using the term “hoagie”, with many selling hoagies and subs or hoagies and pizza. Listings in Pittsburgh show hoagies arriving in 1961 and becoming widespread in that city by 1966.

Other less likely explanations involve “Hogan” (a nickname for Irish workers at the Hogg Island shipyard), a reference to the pork or “hog” meat used in hoagies, “honky sandwich” (using a racial slur for white people seen eating them) or “hooky sandwich” (derived from “hookie” for truant kids seen eating them).[3] Shortly after WWI, there were numerous varieties of the term in use throughout Philadelphia. By the 1940s, the spellings “hoagie” and, to a lesser extent, “hoagy” had come to dominate lesser user variations like “hoogie” and “hoggie”.[10] By 1955, restaurants throughout the area were using the term “hoagie”, with many selling hoagies and subs or hoagies and pizza. Listing in Pittsburgh show hoagies arriving in 1961 and becoming widespread in that city by 1966.[10]

Former Philadelphia mayor (now Pennsylvania governor) Ed Rendell declared the hoagie the “Official Sandwich of Philadelphia”[11]. However, there are claims that the hoagie was actually a product of nearby Chester, Pennsylvania.”

So there it is in case you were wondering.

Hedy Lamarr – Inventor / Beautiful Betty

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." Hedy Lamarr
"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." Hedy Lamarr

Hedy Lamarr is a veteran of such films as Tortilla Flat, Algiers, Boom Town, White Cargo, Ziegfeld Girl and Cecil B. DeMille’s Samson and Delilah. She has a star on Hollywood’s Walk of fame. She got naked in the 1933 film “Ecstasy” which I’d love to see or at least fast forward through until she got naked.

While Hedy may be most famous for her acting career the was also very much a scientist.  In 1941 she and composer George Antheil submitted the idea of a Secret Communication System for patent which was awarded in 1942. This early version of frequency hopping used a piano roll to change between 88 frequencies and was intended to make radio-guided torpedoes harder for enemies to detect or jam.

Lamarr’s and Antheil’s frequency-hopping idea serves as a basis for modern spread-spectrum communication technology, such as COFDM used in WiFi network connections and CDMA used in some cordless and wireless telephones. (Wikipedia)

How can you not completely fall in love with this chick.  Hot as shit and does experiments, basically invents WIFI.  Plus she had 6 husbands which is right up my alley considering how great at relationships I am.

I’m raising my Victory Prima Pilsner in appreciation of this brainy broad.

90’s Flashback – Arrested Development, “Tennessee”

This song/group from the 90’s reminds me of how uplifting rap was in the early 90’s. Intelligent lyrics with a positive message, Arrested Development won the Grammy for Best New Artist in 1992.

My favorite part of the video is in the beginning when the one guy shed’s a single tear, like he knew that rap was going to the toilet a year later when Gangsta Rap became mainstream and rap lost it’s message.

Here’s a link to another great song from Arrested Development, Everyday People

One Laptop Per Child

The OLPC Laptop
The OLPC Laptop

Ok, so I’ve been reading a little a bout this initiative One Laptop Per Child (OLPC) which apparently wants to send laptops to every kid in the world.  Now don’t mistake this article for me not wanting kids in other countries to get free laptops, that’s not what this is about. What it is about is where the fuck are these kids going to plug these laptops in.  I mean isn’t Sally Struthers on TV asking for money to feed these kids and provide clean water?  And this Organization wants to send them Laptops?  Wouldn’t the $200 for the laptop be better spent on that countries school system or something a little more beneficial?  What are the kids going to do for the internet, sit outside of the Nigerian Starbucks and steal the signal?

Am I just going a little overboard on how little I think these 3rd world countries are underdeveloped and impoverished?

I’m not even sure we could give every kid at poverty level in America one of these laptops.  And why the fuck aren’t we focusing on just America when we are falling behind so many other industialized countries in Math and Science?

Again, I’m not against giving kids laptops, I’m really not. But if you’re trying to foster and encourage education across the world pay more teachers and make smaller class sizes and all that jazz.  You give a kid a laptop without supervision and they’ll just end up playing solitare and going on Facebook, trust me, I have a laptop.

Note: I really didn’t go into the details of this cause, I’m sure it’s noble.  I just think of those commercials with flies buzzing around little malnourished kids with rags for clothes and saying, “I don’t think they can eat a laptop.”

With TV over the Internet and Netflix, Who Needs Cable?

Cable is expensive.  I have regular cable in my room and a box downstairs with all the HD channels and goodies.  I maybe get about 50 channels upstairs with about 4 of those being Spanish Language.  Very rarely do I watch TV if it’s not sports related.  If you haven’t gathered my opinion of reality TV yet I’ll just say I don’t watch it and leave it at that.

Id do, however, watch shows like Lost, 24, 30 Rock, It’s always Sunny in Philadelphia etc.  I don’t usually watch these shows during their original air time, I catch them on the internet at my leisure at places like Hulu.com and network sites like NBC.com, ABC.com and Fox.com.  Mostly Hulu though.

Anyway, I have always been a fan of Netflix . I watched the first 3 seasons of 24,the first 3 seasons of the Sopranos and the entire series of “The Wire” on DVD’s gotten in the mail from Netflix.  Great service.  Recently, I noticed that Netflix was offering streaming content so I checked it out.  There’s a butt load of Movies, Tv Shows and Documentary’s on there “On Demand” and it’s free.  So you get to watch these titles over the internet and the rest in the mail.  You’re allowed to watch up to 8 hours of streaming content per day.  And there’s no additional charge, it’s part of your Netflix subscription.

So between Netflix, Hulu and the TV Network Sites there’s enough crap to watch right there that I would never really need cable.  But then there’s the sports.  I would be missing the Phillies, Flyers and Sixers games.  Though I could purchase an online subscription for MLB, NBA and NHL.

All in all I watch more content over the internet than I do on regular TV and I have a feeling a lot of other people are too.  I use an S-Video cord from my laptop to my TV and voila, it’s an internet TV.

Suck on that cable companies. Suck it hard.